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AIBU?

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Original poster

To keep everything for non existent second child

57 replies

Scotlandma · 09/06/2023 09:14

I have a friend having twins 30 weeks pregnant and asked for some of my 1 year olds bits that they’ve grown out of shoes clothes etc

but I’ve been saving everything for when I eventually have a second child although I don’t intend to start trying for another year or even 2

am I being unreasonable? how much do other people keep because at this point I’m just saving everything from vests to trainers bibs anything that’s not stained

OP posts:
JandalsAlways · 09/06/2023 09:17

Keep it, if you think it's a possibility keep it!!

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 09/06/2023 09:19

Keep it, I did with my first didn't have another till he was nearly 5!

Sissynova · 09/06/2023 09:20

how much do other people keep because at this point I’m just saving everything from vests to trainers bibs anything that’s not stained

I think most people keep baby items when they know they will try for another in the near future.

But also plenty of people loan them to friends or family when they have a baby and then get them back.

Neither is unreasonable.

SunnyEgg · 09/06/2023 09:20

Keep it

snackqueen12 · 09/06/2023 09:20

Keep it. You are not being unreasonable. I think its sensible to keep it if you want to try again. Dont feel guilty saying no either.

Poursomesugaronme88 · 09/06/2023 09:21

I cant imagine having the cheek to ask! I kept everything and using it all again for my second girl despite 4 years age difference. Kept everything.

LaBellina · 09/06/2023 09:22

Keep it. It’s unreasonable of her to expect your things without a you offering it, not unreasonable of you to keep it just in case.

Gassylady · 09/06/2023 09:22

It’s your stuff and you should not feel obliged to pass anything on to her. I only really shared some bit with one friend. Her son was 18 months older than mine she leant me a plastic baby bath for over the main bath. I then leant her my bumbo type thing for her second. We swapped a few bits like that ie all easy to clean and hard to damage. No clothes or shoes that get stained or worn out.
If costs for multiples are a concern for your friend perhaps you could go along to an NCT sale with her, often lots of good things for a reasonable price.

Tanktanktank · 09/06/2023 09:22

I kept everything like you because I knew it would make my life easier money wise if I had a second child. I think if you think you need it keep it.

JaukiVexnoydi · 09/06/2023 09:23

I would suggest you do give them but say you want a similar quantity of stuff back again once they are done assuming you are ready to take it all back - obviously some stuff will get stained/destroyed but you won't be their only source of stuff.

I kept everything in a similar situation to you. After 6 years of ttc #2 I eventually gave up and all the stuff in the attic continued to be a stab of grief in my heart. Eventually I was able to start giving it away but it was tough explaining why I was offering bags of baby things when my only child was a teenager.

PleasantOwl · 09/06/2023 09:23

Keep them if it’s a possibility. Be daft not to. We only got rid of stuff when it was clear we weren’t going to have a second.

Tohaveandtohold · 09/06/2023 09:24

Keep it. I kept things between DD1 and DD2 that the space allowed and there’s 5.5 years between them. I’m glad I did as I didn’t have to then buy much for DD2. I also had people who ask for DD1’s clothes then and sometimes I just give them a bit and say things like the others didn’t wash well, etc

Gassylady · 09/06/2023 09:25

I did keep stuff for my second - a three year gap born in a completely different season but lots of things were used again.

WimpoleHat · 09/06/2023 09:27

She was unreasonable to ask, or at least, to ask beyond “anything you’ve finished with gratefully received!”. It’s yours. If you might want it again, keep it.

Cvn · 09/06/2023 09:27

My DBro and I have traded our DCs clothes back and forth so many times! He had his DS first, then gave me all their baby stuff with a green mark on the tag so that I could give it back for their next child. I obviously acquired some new stuff for mine as well, and also some of his stuff got stained / ruined etc, so when I gave his stuff back for his second DC I added in my new bits with the same green mark on the tags. He used them again for his third DC, then gave them to me for my second, again with some new bits added in, and I'm in the process of giving them back for his fourth, as my second grows out of them! It helps that we both dress our kids fairly gender neutral in bright colours, stripes, animal patterns etc.
Can you do similar with your friend and get them back when you have your second DC?

fyn · 09/06/2023 09:28

Tell her to look for a local baby clothes exchange or baby bank. There are loads everywhere and people will give you bin bags of clothes just to get rid on them.

Our local clothes exchange is completely free and has boxes and boxes of newborn stuff.

Maddy70 · 09/06/2023 09:30

Just don't give it. Say you want to keep them for your next or just change the subject when it's mentioned

PurBal · 09/06/2023 09:31

Everyone is different. I only gave away things I didn’t use or like much. And I lent some bigger ticket items (eg baby carrier) to family.

KetoQueen · 09/06/2023 09:32

I kept the lot and barely had to buy anything because I had a second boy 💪

Bluebirds1987 · 09/06/2023 09:32

We kept everything as we knew we were having a second. We've used all of it and its saved us a fortune.
We're still keeping everything just in case we have a 3rd, I have 2 pregnant friends who I have not offered anything to for this reason. Until we make a decision (defo leaning towards another but with a bigger gap) I won't be giving anything away.
I've lent maternity clothes out, but I've made it very clear it's a lend and that I'll need it back.

If you're not planning on having another soon, could you offer to lend things but make it clear you are having a second at some point so do expect all of it back as soon as they've finished with it?

If you do this, I'd just make sure you keep anything you're really precious about, as things will inevitably become worn or may get ruined, as happens with babies and babies clothes! I lent out a very expensive maternity hoodie and it got stained so now anything I'm fussed about I just don't lend, and I sort of make peace with anything I do decide to lend might not come back, or will be more worn than it was when it was lent.

Equally you can just say no, you're really sorry but you're keeping it all for your next one. It's perfectly fine and your friend should understand.

Newname2323 · 09/06/2023 09:33

I've only ever kept things like baby swings, Moses basket and then unopened packs of clothes DC grew out of before they could wear. I also kept trainers that looked basically brand new and sentimental things like first baby grows and coming home outfit. Otherwise I become a hoarder, did it with my first and then bought new anyway!

SkyandSurf · 09/06/2023 09:33

Keep it.

I loaned so much out in between pregnancies and I swear less than half of it came back.

Newname2323 · 09/06/2023 09:35

Forgot to mention, I also lent out the big things like baby swing when I wasn't using, came back unmarked so no issues there

OverTheCountryClub · 09/06/2023 09:37

My friends and I swapped bits and bobs back and forth between us when having dc. It worked really well as we all managed to alternate our pregnancies (not intentionally!). We are all good friends and see each other regularly and always returned things in good condition though. It's different if you know someone wouldn't take care of the stuff or wouldn't return it.

HauntedPencil · 09/06/2023 09:38

I'd be happy to lend things line a cot or seat but clothes will be worn/stained and I'd keep those behind. If you don't use then you can gift them to someone if you want at a later stage