Ex was 20 mins late.

[Jemsy5]

Ex was due to collect DC at 6pm as I was going away for work. This was arranged as I was going away for work and needed to catch a train.

I text him at 6.10 when he hadn’t arrived saying I was expecting him at 6 and needed to leave to catch a train at 6.20 (I live near the station). He replied saying “I will be there about 6.20).

He arrived at 6.20. He said nothing to me (he never speaks to me in person). I missed my train. Not a huge deal as there was another one in an hour but, meant I was later than I had wanted getting where I was going (about 2.5 hours away). No further contact from him about it.

AIBU to have expected a message to say sorry I was late, his train was delayed/he forgot the time (normally he picks up at 6.30 rather than 6 so it could be that).

It’s not a big deal, delays happen etc. but it has really got to me that there was no explanation, recognition that it might have impacted me etc. I wouldn’t have been angry. I know these things happen, but I feel like I’m being treated worse than a stranger. I’m probably over reacting, I know, but the being ignored generally is getting to me…

I think you were cutting it a bit fine with a 6pm pick-up if you had to leave at 6.20pm. He could easily have been stuck at work or got caught in traffic.

You say he doesn't speak to you anyway so I don't really think this is worth getting worked up over.

He’s probably your ex for a reason?

It’s very annoying, next time try and arrange an earlier pick up to allow for any so called delays. Ex may have done it to put you out or may have just genuinely been held up, you’ll never know.

In the future I would work on the basis that he will be significantly late and factor that into my plans.

He doesn't give a shit about you or your plans and he probably gets a kick out of fucking your evening up.

That's why he's an ex.

Probably nothing you can do about it except okaying similar games in retaliation but that's not fair on the kids.

Sounds like he's playing games. Next time give him a too early time so you have time to spare.

How annoying. Next time give him a pick up time with plenty of extra time built in so that he doesn't have that power over you.

Annoying, but YABU for allowing him to still get under your skin as sounds like this was entirely predictable.

This

My ex loved to make me late for work. So I'd just say I needed to start my shift at 11. He'd roll up after ignoring his phone at about 12. My shift started at 1. Always kept things I was doing as quiet as possible or he'd try and balls things up on purpose

I say this as somebody who is more likely to be early than late, but I honestly don’t think a twenty minute delay in somebody getting to your house is such a big deal. I should not have expected you to time things so precisely. I personally would have built a lot more slack in my timings.

I don’t really mind that he was late. I understand that things happen. It’s more that he didn’t acknowledge it. I just feel like I’m so unimportant, but that’s probably more about how he ignores me generally. I need to work on these things no bothering me more, but I just feel like my feelings don’t matter then…

He's your EX. of course he doesn't care.

Yes. First time I had asked for a change in a really long td time though and he agreed by email.

I guess, but I still care about him. I wouldn’t want to be rude to him. I don’t think he would be rude to a stranger (e.g. if 20 mins late to an appointment I think he would mention it). So I don’t really understand why I’m treated worse than that I guess.

Have you asked him why he was late and told him what inconvenience it caused you ?

He was being a dick on purpose as he didn’t want to change the tIme and didn’t want to help.
This is why he is an ex.
Just keep a record of these things.

You should work on this. You will keep hurting yourself otherwise. He's an ex. You should be indifferent to him.

I once missed a holiday because he decided to change his pick up time from morning to afternoon just a few hours beforehand. No apology. Every time it happens I remind myself that is why he is an ex. Horrible man.

He’s an arsehole but since he’s an ex you probably know that.
You shouldn’t have to but next time tell him you need to leave at 5

It's his way of showing that he is more important. His work matters, he matters, you can wait.

I’m not sure what you wanted him to acknowledge. He knew he was late, you knew he was late because you’d exchanges messages about it. What you mean is you wanted an apology. He didn’t bother. Are you surprised?