Mum said I’m letting my toddler son down, feeling like a failure

[Chronicfailure]

Always had a difficult relationship with my mum. Constantly having my parenting picked at, telling me what to do with my son, and at every opportunity in front of others takes him from me to show everyone how much he ‘loves his favourite granny’. Learned to roll my eyes because I’m so used to it and every time I’ve spoken up about it it’s ended in tears.

My son is autistic with delayed development and completely non-verbal. Tomorrow we are meant to be going to our first play session for children with additional needs. I’ve been so excited for it all week and really want to go. My mum asked to come with me and I said yes.

I have inflammatory bowel disease and have been incredibly unwell today, on the toilet since the early hours of the morning and I’m at the point where I’m bleeding and slightly prolapsing which is hurting to sit down. (Sorry for TMI).

Ive texted to ask if we can start with next week’s session instead, and she has accused me of being lazy, lying, and said that she is going to take him. I said no, this is really important to me that I am there with him (I just really want to do this with him, and have this with him) and I’m now receiving messages saying I am letting him down and that I should allow her to take him alone.

I just feel shit. I’m going to suck it up and try my best to go tomorrow. They are weekly sessions that you can just turn up to, three times a week.

I am constantly being made to feel like a failure. He is my entire world and I don’t want to let him down. I’m just feeling really unwell.

Am I being selfish? I’m feeling so awful about it. Currently crying as I type. Sorry for the long post

Go no contact with this woman. She sounds dangerous- really not good for your mental health.
You are not a bad person.

Why do you remain in contact with this awful woman?

What gain in there?

I don't think youbshould be bringing her with you so she can undermine you in front of new people.

You sound abused and enmeshed with her.

Not good for your son.

Step away from her permanently.

My DD has ASD - she was non-verbal for years. I also have a narcisstic and found she was even less verbal around her. Suggest you tell her she isn’t coming (get her name removed from the approved invitees list at the centre & explain why so she can’t go anyway and mess things up for you) and focus on you and your child.

This is about what’s best for your child. Don’t take any bullshit and cut her off if you have to. I cut Mum off for years as I just didn’t trust her around DD.

Fuck everyone who makes you feel like you aren't good enough.

Print it out and keep it in your handbag or stick on your fridge as a reminder to stay strong and believe in yourself.

You don't need her validation to say you're a good mother.

I’m on your mums side. Go for the sake of your child or let your mum take him. He needs the play session so don’t let him miss it and listen to your mum. You should be better tomo hopefully but the kids needs to not miss this.

I would t be allowing someone like this to take up head space.

she’s not healthy for you. Which in turn stresses you out with anticipation and worry - and which could trigger IBS.

I think you’d be healthier mentally and physically with much less of her in your life.

This

Oh god what awful behaviour. It would be good if she showed you a fraction of the care and concern that she is lavishing on her grandson, without dragging you down at the same time - how weird - you are her child…
You are suffering and she should step up and support you so that you can have the strength to do these things with you son when you are able. She should not not be fighting with you. She’s toxic, if I were you I’d cut contact for a while and explain why. She’s making your life stressful and your illness worse.

Why on earth are you letting this horrible woman stay in your lives??? Cut her own. You wouldn’t treat a friend like this would you and she’s meant to be your Mum! 😳😳.

And don’t let her come to things with your son and you, it’s just about her taking over and being in control.

*out not own