Squishing a child

[FeelingLowLowLow]

I recently saw a child wriggling around when they'd been told not to. The adult then squished them by leaning over them with their full body weight. The child started coughing, I shouted stop it, they did and everything seemed peaceful from that point. Am I being unreasonable to think that this is not actually OK? I have asked friends irl but opinion seems divided and I'm wondering if I'm overreacting.

This deep pressure technique or restraint is a red herring. That's not what is being described.

This is a grown adult man exerting physical force on a 3 year old girl who is doing nothing more than irritating him. Massive red flag. There is no way on earth my DH would do that to me 3 year old daughter. Has he ever been physical to you OP?

*my

I squish my autistic DD… it grounds her when she needs it. Like her weighted blanket at night. Really help when she is overwhelmed

This isn't someone squishing an autistic child to ground them. This is a guy taking his frustration out on a 3 year old child in a physical way. The OP is the mother and knows best.

Fuck no, it's not alright at all. And I'm firmly in the kids need boundaries and discipline camp, but this sounds abusive and terrifying for your little three year old.
As an aside I don't tolerate 'rough and tumble' play. Dh did a stupid play thing trying to trip ds up fucking idiot I bullocked him to kingdom-come (dh not ds). And told dh if he ever pulled that shit again it would be immediate divorce, dh was shocked to be called out by it, because his dad had done it to him.......It's a form of dominance and just because its traditional 'boys play'. It's not at all okay.

That doesn’t sound good, too much weight on a child and the adult wasn’t in a good mood. Was he angry with the child?
The “ wrapping” of a distressed child is very different, I can remember being taught that about 40 years ago and the child’s comfort and safety were paramount.

I think you're seeing a red flag.

The age of your child and what else is going on is important too.

• I suspect this isn't an isolated incidence.
• I'm concerned you don't feel able to talk to him about it, beyond telling him to stop
• I'm concerned that you're witnessing and feeling like you need to accept your husband physically disciplining your child.

If your husband hadn't been angry and had been joking, or trying to sooth your child, then that's completely different. But the fact that he was angry and squashed your child so much that he coughed is horrendous.

I think you need to see a therapist who can help you work out your feelings. Your heart is telling you something is wrong, but your head is stopping you from acting on it.

Nope. Not ok at all. I knew it'd be a boy too. As someone else said it's like a male animal asserting dominance and it's not necesssary or what we should be doing as intelligent beings.

All of this.

I really wish people wouldn't come out with these massive drip feeds. It's not fair on people who have gone to the trouble to flag up, for instance, the usefulness of deep pressure for some children with sensory difficulties, when you suddenly post something which essentially tells them they've been wasting their time.

@Kiwano as I posted on the first page:

Child lying down in bed, adult sitting next to bed back to child, adult twisted half round and leant back over child with upper torso to pin them down. Adult was not in a good mood.

In general I think there's a place for this. In Bluey they do a "squish squash" which sounds similar. It can be done reasonably in horse play so long as everyone enjoys that kind of thing.

I know that my kids like to be squished as a deep pressure thing too, my DD asks me to lay on her. She likes weighted blankets too.

As a punishment for wriggling, in anger? No, that sounds really scary for a kid. Was the child hurt? Or was it just a shock?

If you already have concerns and this is adding to it, you need to contact your family or friends or gp or hv or sw or ss for help. Your child needs you to advocate for them.