Squishing a child

[FeelingLowLowLow]

I recently saw a child wriggling around when they'd been told not to. The adult then squished them by leaning over them with their full body weight. The child started coughing, I shouted stop it, they did and everything seemed peaceful from that point. Am I being unreasonable to think that this is not actually OK? I have asked friends irl but opinion seems divided and I'm wondering if I'm overreacting.

I used to squish my ds as a deep pressure tactic if he's overstimulated. This would involve me lying on top of him. Though I used to mitigate my full weight by mostly resting on my knees and elbows.

I can't tell from the OP what the situation exactly is.

If the child was wriggling, what it a sign that the child was disregulated?

It seems an odd choice for a punishment.

It's very hard to judge the situation without having seen what was going on.

If the adult is normally gentle with the child, I would put it off as a momentary moment of annoyance.

If it's part of a bigger picture, then there's reason for concern.

It doesn’t sound right op.

I used therapeutic deep pressure with my dc at times, and it can be deeply regulating. But it was always with their consent, and absolutely never in anger. My dc had opposite reactions to techniques so you have to be very sensitive and responsive .

Nothing that you’ve described sounded ok

Seems odd but more importantly if it felt off to you it probably is, because you were actually there.

the adult is the child’s father - what is your relationship to the child and to their father?

YANBU - far too much force on a child, and dangerous to boot. Was it your DH who did this?

Shes the child's mother I suspect and this was an argument over how dad was responding at bed time

FWIW I think given the context its not appropriate and he reacted out of anger or frustration which must have been scary for the child

Yes, I'm child's mother. Hard to trust my own judgement.

OP you're going to have to come out with the details then. Context matters. "I'm the child's mother" is quite different from "I recently saw a child..."

Is this adult your bf/dp and the child not his biological child?

@RobinsHood Nope it's his dad.
Whenever I've said anything about his parenting in the past he's always said yes but how would you have reacted if it was someone else and not me.

Squishing a child in anger is never okay. What does he want him to do - stop breathing temporarily or what? It's awful.

Is this a one off? Does he normally get physical with your child? Does he control his anger or regularly lashes out verbally or physically? If so, they're all wanting signs and I'd protect your son from him before it gets worse.

Warning* signs

Yeah I figured you were the child’s mother. It’s an incredibly bizarre scenario if you’re not.

all the more reason to trust your instinct. People parent differently blah blah blah, yes maybe my husband would not think it’s cold enough to put a hat on the baby and I do…but physically being rough with a child in a way you find instinctively unacceptable is a red flag.

i don’t understand what he means about “how would you have reacted if it was someone else and not me” - I’m pretty sure if someone else had tried to crush your child you would have gone ballistic surely ?!

I don't get what he means by saying what would you say if it was someone else? That's not relevant and I'd be very unhappy at someone reacting in anger towards a child in this way. Fidgeting at bedtime is not a big deal and certainly doesn't warrant an angry physical response.

Dc1 has adhd and sometimes, when he gets overwhelmed and fidgety and looks like he's either going to meltdown or go on a mega-hyper high, the easiest way of calming him is to put weight on his shoulders. We don't do that in anger though and if I felt someone was hurting him or my other child then I'd have something to say.

Bah. Good old fashioned physical bullying is what it is. Bet this father is a nasty bit of work

This sounds horrible. I would be concerned.

Trust your instincts. It immediately felt wrong to you and you reacted accordingly.

Btw I have seen this between father and son and it was dominance. They were both adults but it was so boundary pushing and odd that I assumed it was not the first time.

Had the father done this to a female relative I would have assumed him a pervert.

Not your child, not your problem

It is her child, if you read the OPs later posts.

I agree with pp that it sounds like a dominance thing. I would not be at all OK with it.

If I'm honest I'm not sure what my opinion is on this. Child's father was laying on him as punishment? Father was angry at the time so he was lashing out. How old is your child? This is not okay and I would be worried for it to happen again. Does he regularly put your child to bed? If it was me I would be having a big talking to and telling him he is not to punish your child by touching him. If he gets stressed he should walk away.

I thought you meant in the way where you find someone or something so adorable you just have to squish and squeeze them. 😂

Yes, was coming on to say this seems bizarre? What did the dad say when he was called out?

I've worked in lots of SEMH schools where students have to be restrained to keep them safe (last resort) or where they are held as a sensory need for deep pressure and containment