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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Edited nude

31 replies

polon · 07/06/2023 12:24

Been seeing ExDP again since last year, not exclusively.

He has a long history of asking lots of questions about my sexual past and accusing me of sleeping with people when I haven't.

Last night he asked for a nude photo and I sent it. All fine.

Today, randomly and out of the blue he then accused me of editing it to make my body look more curvy (I didn't) and said I had clearly sent it to other men. And said I'm making such an effort to impress other men.

I denied the accusations but he carried on. I was sleeping with a man years ago now who turns out to not be a very nice person, he often gets brought up. He said today that he finds it "cringe" and that I defend sleeping him and that I should admit to regretting it. I didn't know the bad things about him at the time.

I called him crazy and said that he is relentless with this. He said he's not, that he can be a "little psycho" but he's just protective and that's the way he is. He says he doesn't tell me what to do or what to wear or ever shout at me.

He said: "sensitive polon strikes again".

I've ended things. He thinks I've overreacted.

Have I?

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 07/06/2023 12:25

No.

Cap89 · 07/06/2023 12:26

Obviously not. This guy is a nightmare. Block and move on. Do not go back.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 07/06/2023 12:26

Ex's and ex's for a reason.

He sounds controlling and not very nice

Seriously I would LTB and move on

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 07/06/2023 12:26

No. He is awful. You deserve better. He is an insecure abusive asshole.

35965a · 07/06/2023 12:26

He’s an abusive nightmare, free yourself from him. Don’t take him back.

SallySunrise · 07/06/2023 12:28

You've done the right thing.

WandaWomblesaurus · 07/06/2023 12:29

The accusations sound like he has a lot of issues.

Why did you take him back? You maybe need to get some professional support with this because if he was like this before but you are with him again now, you are sounding quite vulnerable. It's easy to get reeled in by manipulative partners.

WaltzingWaters · 07/06/2023 12:29

I’m so glad you ended that by saying you’ve ended things. Not sure what the other guy did but this one certainly doesn’t sound like a very nice person either. Move on from them both (no going back this time) and find someone who is nice.
So no. You’ve not overreacted!

polon · 07/06/2023 12:30

We are not exclusive and he has seen me talking in a sexual manner on my phone to another man (he went though my phone whilst I was in the shower) but I'm allowed to!

He has slept with two women since we've been seeing each other, albeit a while ago now.

OP posts:
ReachForTheMars · 07/06/2023 12:30

Have you ever had a nice boyfriend? I dont mean that to sound nasty or rude or condescending but I was in a controlling relationship in my 20s and didnt have the courage to end it. I subsequently married a lovely man with no jealousy and it's so refreshing. Now I know from experience that there are kind men who arent possessive i now knowni wouldn't tolerate that again.

So if you've never been treated better, keep your head up and tour standards high. That man is controlling and abusive.

WandaWomblesaurus · 07/06/2023 12:31

WandaWomblesaurus · 07/06/2023 12:29

The accusations sound like he has a lot of issues.

Why did you take him back? You maybe need to get some professional support with this because if he was like this before but you are with him again now, you are sounding quite vulnerable. It's easy to get reeled in by manipulative partners.

So talking to one of the people here about his behaviour would help you identify and understand what he's doing www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

Sometimes we need to reflect what's happening out to an expert to understand that it's actually abuse because the person does so much gaslighting that we can feel like it's all in our head. X

mintbiscuit · 07/06/2023 12:32

Why the fuck are you sending him nudes???

steppemum · 07/06/2023 12:33

I'm glad you say you ended it.
That type of jealousy is actually destructive and abusive in the long run

WandaWomblesaurus · 07/06/2023 12:33

ReachForTheMars · 07/06/2023 12:30

Have you ever had a nice boyfriend? I dont mean that to sound nasty or rude or condescending but I was in a controlling relationship in my 20s and didnt have the courage to end it. I subsequently married a lovely man with no jealousy and it's so refreshing. Now I know from experience that there are kind men who arent possessive i now knowni wouldn't tolerate that again.

So if you've never been treated better, keep your head up and tour standards high. That man is controlling and abusive.

Yes, same and wasn't able to understand or process the feelings at the time so didn't realise it was abuse especially as he kept framing it as being loving and protective.

It's hard for young women to know - no one is giving women lessons in how to spot abusive partners.

polon · 07/06/2023 12:33

mintbiscuit · 07/06/2023 12:32

Why the fuck are you sending him nudes???

My face isn't in it and there's no way you could tell it's me.

OP posts:
LadyH846 · 07/06/2023 12:35

No, you didn't overreact.

WandaWomblesaurus · 07/06/2023 12:36

Sending nudes to someone you trust isn't a bad thing but you are trusting him with too much of yourself and he could turn this on you in other ways. He's showing you from his behaviour that he has no respect for you.

How did he reel you back in this time round? And how old is he?

MenoRageisReal · 07/06/2023 12:36

He's an abusive controlling insecure loser gaslighting arse and you've done the right thing ending it.

Block him, don't let him weasel his way back in.

Take time to reflect on you, relationships, your boundaries and your needs before dating again. Raise your standards and value yourself more than this type of man. Read up on control, coercive control, gaslighting etc and be more assertive about what you will and won't tolerate.

GladAllOver · 07/06/2023 12:39

Face or not, you demean yourself by sending him the nude.
I'm sure you are better than this. Move on.

gamerchick · 07/06/2023 12:41

FFS bin him off. Nobody needs that shit in their lives

originalglazedsingle · 07/06/2023 12:43

polon · 07/06/2023 12:30

We are not exclusive and he has seen me talking in a sexual manner on my phone to another man (he went though my phone whilst I was in the shower) but I'm allowed to!

He has slept with two women since we've been seeing each other, albeit a while ago now.

sounds like a fairytale...

jenandberrys · 07/06/2023 12:43

You seriously need to work on your self esteem and standards.

polon · 07/06/2023 12:48

Thank you everyone.

OP posts:
SamW98 · 07/06/2023 13:38

MenoRageisReal · 07/06/2023 12:36

He's an abusive controlling insecure loser gaslighting arse and you've done the right thing ending it.

Block him, don't let him weasel his way back in.

Take time to reflect on you, relationships, your boundaries and your needs before dating again. Raise your standards and value yourself more than this type of man. Read up on control, coercive control, gaslighting etc and be more assertive about what you will and won't tolerate.

This absolutely 💯

Run OP and don’t look back.

Tinkerbyebye · 07/06/2023 13:53

Absolutely not,

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