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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my OH should stop being a complete tosser?

37 replies

pol27 · 20/02/2008 22:36

Just finished working an evening shift and have been working my socks off all bloody month at my new job.

Get in and find out he has been visiting escort sites again. Oh, joy of all joys! Fecking arse.

Happened back in September just before DS turned one found out he had been looking and going with escorts. Now find out hes at it again.

As if its not enough he controls every penny I spend then find out he's off looking at curvy fecking claires tits. And he has the cheek to look/book it on my fecking laptop. Arse.

I've had it with the tosser.

OP posts:

moondog · 20/02/2008 22:37

God what a knob.

KnickersOnMaHead · 20/02/2008 22:38

Message withdrawn

Lulumama · 20/02/2008 22:38

I think this would be an appropriate time to say

KICK HIM OUT

Lulumama · 20/02/2008 22:38

I think this would be an appropriate time to say

KICK HIM OUT

Original poster

pol27 · 20/02/2008 22:40

Wish I could, tried that last time and he wouldn't leave. Always grabs hold of DD/DS and says he won't. Uses them for tears etc... and then says we can work it out. Fecking arsehole.

Told him to f.off tonight and leave me alone. Wish he would leave.

OP posts:

NorthernLurker · 20/02/2008 22:40

Lulumama felt so strongly she said it twice - and she's absolutely right!

Lulumama · 20/02/2008 22:42

yes. i don;t often say get rid of him, but you know, you deserve better

if he has not learnt from his previous mistakes, then there is no hope

just such a gross breach of trust

chubbymummy · 20/02/2008 22:47

Right missie. Get his credit card out, book yourself a nice tasty male escort (no, stuff it book two!) and leave him in with the kids while you go out and get ratted. Give him a taste of his own medicine and then ask him how his evening went! Make sure you take the lap top with you when you go. He won't be able to use it while you're out and if the men aren't up to much you could always pop onto mn! Either that or you could change his booking stating that he has a fettish for elderly, overweight manish types!

lucyellensmum · 20/02/2008 22:50

Make sure you have your lap top back and keep a record of the sites he has visited. How DARE he use your children, how frightening for them!! I am with lulu on this one, i never say chuck out, but get him out - what is there to work out?? Does he have an explanation? I coudlnt imagine one that excuses his behaviour. I know this seems harsh but you need to record evidence for future reference, either to get him out of the home or for, sorry to say this custody battles.

Elasticwoman · 20/02/2008 22:52

Well I suppose you could change the locks when he is out. any one know the legal implications of that?

Quattrocento · 20/02/2008 22:56

I don't agree that you should go and book yourself a male escort

I think you should get him to leave

Now

Oh and don't give in to all that nonsense about reforming

People don't, generally

You let him stay, you're condemning yourself to a lifetime of this sort of rubbish

motherinferior · 20/02/2008 22:59

Yes. I think you have to get rid. He's hiring prostitutes with the money you earn?

eeewahwoowah · 20/02/2008 23:04

Have you asked him why he does it? If not then ask him. Anything to get him thinking about what he's doing. Presumably he's not a complete dumbo so he must know/feel that he cannot go on like this.

He has to stop this shit with the escorts or fuck off and let you get on with your life. Tell him that, tell him to work it out or fuck off.

chubbymummy · 20/02/2008 23:04

Do you have any relatives or friends that you could go and stay with? If he refuses to leave I would suggest taking some time off work and getting yourself and the kids as far away from him as possible (leaving while he is out so that he cannot terrify the poor little mites by grabbing hold of them and using them as a pawn). You obviously can't stay with someone like him and he isn't going to leave easily!

lucyellensmum · 20/02/2008 23:11

chubby i agree, although im not sure because i dont know if the OP owns her house, if they both own it, or if its rented. The trouble is if she does move out, he could make it virtually impossible for her to move back. He has to go - i think OPs next step should be to contact local womens support agencies, sorry i dont know who - but the CAB may well be a good starting point.

PortAndLemon · 20/02/2008 23:12

Are you married?

Is the house rented or owned? In whose name? If owned, who pays the mortgage?

ThinWhiteDuchess · 20/02/2008 23:16

So sorry Pol, he sounds an utter shithead. Get some legal advice as soon as you can and get him out of your house. It is outrageous he physically uses your DC to prevent you from kicking him out. No environment for you to be living in, let alone your DC.

Alambil · 20/02/2008 23:16

You could ring Women's Aid as controlling money comes under "abuse" (sorry)...

They are on 0808 2000 247

Original poster

pol27 · 20/02/2008 23:16

its a long story... this house is in is name and his name on mortgage, so don't want to leave that quickly IYSWIM.

Off he goes with the sob story hes fecking sorry. Hmmm. Sorry for the umpteenth time of mucking around.

No we aren't married.

OP posts:

Quattrocento · 20/02/2008 23:18

pol - I imagine you are 27. Maybe you are not. but if you are, 27 is pretty young from where I am sitting (40) and plenty enough time for you to get going again

The money really doesn't matter

Your happiness does

PortAndLemon · 20/02/2008 23:20

Who is actually paying the mortgage, though?

You need some proper legal advice -- you may well be able to establish a beneficial interest in the house if you are contributing towards the mortgage, even if you aren't married and it's in his name. Get advice on what you should do.

Original poster

pol27 · 20/02/2008 23:27

he is paying the mortgage.

I had a house elsewhere which I sold, he spent all money/made me spend it on general bills/shopping etc... while we rented I paid rents. Then we moved here and he had house in his name and he is just on deeds and mortgage.

Def am going to seek advice tomorrow.

Yes, I am 27 nearly 28.

OP posts:

Quattrocento · 20/02/2008 23:29

pol

Can I ask where you were while he did all this "making" you do things

You have the power to say no

You just need to learn to exercise it

Look in the mirror now and practise

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

KacyB · 20/02/2008 23:31

Pol,

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I don't have any advice, but you are not being unreasonable.

His behaviour sounds awful.

You do need to get legal advice. YOu are contributing and that will be taken into account.

Good luck.

Original poster

pol27 · 20/02/2008 23:35

"making" me do things...?! No, just gave me no money to feed/clothe our kids and so had to pay bills (elec and gas), food, rent, car etc... I had no choice.

I am resigned to the fact all men are feckless arseholes.

OP posts:

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