to think my OH should stop being a complete tosser?

[pol27]

Just finished working an evening shift and have been working my socks off all bloody month at my new job.

Get in and find out he has been visiting escort sites again. Oh, joy of all joys! Fecking arse.

Happened back in September just before DS turned one found out he had been looking and going with escorts. Now find out hes at it again.

As if its not enough he controls every penny I spend then find out he's off looking at curvy fecking claires tits. And he has the cheek to look/book it on my fecking laptop. Arse.

I've had it with the tosser.

Pol

That is just not true

You are involved with a feckless arsehole

It does not mean that all men are feckless aresholes

I am married to a nice kind honourable and decent man. Who is very financially responsible. There are lots of them out there

Please think about getting out of this relationship

Pol. All men are NOT feckless arseholes. This man that you are with IS a feckless arsehole. You are only 27, you have your whole life ahead of you. Is this really how you want to spend it? It truly is YOUR choice. If you get rid of this toxic man, you are creating space in your life for someone who deserves you to come along. Ask yourself how you see yourself and your children in five years time. Still with this toerag? Or in a better life?

I agree. My DH is wonderful.

There are many, many GOOd men out there. You absolutely DO NOT Have to stay with someone who feels it's OK to treat you and your children like this.

Yes, it's scary and daunting, but the alternative (staying with him) can't look too attractive either.

Sorry you are having to deal with this. Of course you are not being unreasonable. The guy is a complete tosser.

How exactly does he control your money though? You earn the money, just don't give it to him. If you get paid into a bank account, go and open yourself a new one tomorrow and make sure your salary is paid into it. Even if you don't end up leaving him (although I agree you should), don't give him the cash to carry on with this behaviour.

Definitely go and get some advice tomorrow though.

No I just started earning money because he gives me £250 a month for elec bills, food, toiletries etc... clothing kids etc... And its not that he is hard up either!

But thats beside the point. Had it with him. Not sure how i'll stand but defo going to find out tomorrow. Going to see what will happen with us spliting up but me staying here, I know he will not leave. So I don't know how itstands if we have 'split' up.

Feckless arse. I can't believe how much he lies.

pol27 - I am glad to see that you can now see this pig for what he is. Get some legal advice asap, start with the CAB and they will point you in the right direction. Is what he is doing re the escorts actually legal? Get some advice on that too. He is NOT a good man and he is NOT a good father, you and your children are better off without him. Leave him to rot in a pile of wet tissue.

As the others have said, there ARE decent, kind, loving, responsible men out there. And you can have that whole package rolled in with sexy and funny and charming too. I met my DP when DD1 was two and having DD never put him off, i had had some other relationships too that had just run their course, hmm, one was with a feckless arse actually but we all make mistakes. Thats the thing you see, look apon this feckless arse (i can think of stronger words actually!) as a mistake and move on.

This is no good for your children at all, you need to get rid of him, tell him his apologies are worthless now and it is too little too late. Sorry to be so harsh, but move on, it will be the best thing you have ever done. And NEVER in future, question whether you deserve happiness with a particular man, you ask if HE deserves YOU and your children!!!

called CAB. Said I had rights to house because we have two small kids and even tho hadn't physically contributed to mortgage I would still be able to stay there.

He says I can have what I want. Altho, after living month in and out with v.little money from him while bringing up our kids what that'll be I don't know??!!

Was on hold for an age with childs tax so I gave up and will try tomorrow... Kids sense that window of opportunity don't they?? I know from the CSA I will/should get around £500 a month but not sure what else I am entitled to.

I just want him out though. He is working late tonight and when he comes in i'm going to tell him he needs to leave after the weekend (I am working all weekend so will hardly be here). Not sure how childcare will work out now as he is the only one who will have kids.

Feel like being a super bitch to him. Gone beyond sad/upset just so fecking angry with him. Told him when he said he was sorry he will be because he can tell his mum and dad and hollier than thou brothers and sister (and snotty cow of a sister in law) WHY we have split. See how his 'perfect' family take that.

pol27, well done, i really admire you - you got balls girl Seriously this is a scary thing you are doing, but so the right thing and i think you are being very brave. I wish you all the luck in the world - you deserve it, what a fantastic mum.

No advice to give you except to say that you really deserve so much better than this tosser. Hope it all works out for you, thinking of you..(hugs)

Woooo!! Big cheers of triumph, well bloody done pol27 I have been reading with utter fury as to the way he's treated you and was about to advise that despite names/contributions to mortgage etc, you will be entitled to the house. Stay strong x

Good luck. I hope you get what you are entitled to, and also one day meet a man... a real man... who treats you and your kids as you deserve to be.

Stick to your guns pol! Make sure his family get to know exactly why you are splitting up, he's thrown your relationship away because of his escort obsession and there is no way that you should be made to look like the bad guy for kicking him out!