AIBU to be a bit upset by this ?

[Nicflowers82]

Please tell me if I am being over sensitive or if you too would be a bit annoyed by this. DS came downstairs this morning in a creased school shirt (it was in fact fresh out of the pack as I had only only bought it yesterday ) . DH commented on it and says “your mother should have ironed it” . Not in a jokey way. Bear in mind also I am in work this week while DH has a few days off work. I was thinking “WTF” . I went out of the room and then felt so annoyed that I went back in a bit later and said to DH that I’d prefer it if he didn’t say things like that as they feel like a dig. And if it’s meant to be light hearted then it should come across that way shouldn’t it. He totally over reacted and shouted and hit himself in the head and said it was like getting feedback at work and did I really think he would say something that was a dig to make me feel bad.
I don’t think I was overly critical and stayed calm and felt like I had a right to say something if it made me upset.
Do you let your partner know if they have upset or annoyed you ? Or how do you handle minor things like this and not stew on them?

YANBU. If my partner had attempted to make such a joke, I would have immediately responded that he's just as capable of using an iron. Does he have a habit of making such comments and hitting himself on the head when you express that he's upset you? It doesn't sound like the behaviour of a mentally well adult.

He was being fucking ridiculous. And using physical aggression and shouting is completely unacceptable.

YANBU, not surprised you were irritated by that.

But his overreaction and comment about work feedback sound like maybe he's stressed there? There have been periods when DH has had shit to deal with when I'd be more inclined to let something like that go by.

Yanbu. DH or the cleaner do the ironing here. The vast majority of it is his shirts.

YANBU that's a massive overreaction. If this is out of character for your husband is there anything else going on for him? Hitting himself is really aggressive and intimidating.

YANBU that's a massive overreaction. If this is out of character for your husband is there anything else going on for him? Hitting himself is really aggressive and intimidating.

I guess it would have been much better to pull him up in it at the time, going back to it later made it a bigger issue than it needed to be.

I can also sort of see where he’s coming from that you should know he wouldn’t say anything negative about you (if he genuinely is a good man and partner). BUT that doesn’t override the fact that his ‘joke’ was misogynistic and whether it was meant as a joke or not it was negative towards you.

He can’t handle the fact he upset you basically and thinks you should have laughed at his sarcasm, even if it meant you were put down by it.

Depends on how housework is usually split.
If you usually iron then his comment was not unreasonable.
If my DH had said it I'd have said "nothing was stopping you from ironing it"

None of us know your partner, or your relationship, so can't really comment.

His reaction was over the top, but actually I think you could have handled it better. Coming back to it later and telling him you would rather he didn’t say things like that, does feel a bit like a work telling off.

I think you should have dealt with it immediately, with a derisory snort and an “iron it yourself”.

He hit himself on his head? WTAF.

Totally unacceptable. He's using violence to intimidate you.

It’s totally ok to come back to this with him after a pause. Not always easy to figure out how to deal with things in the moment especially with kids around.

It is ok to give your partner feedback.

He should have offered to do the ironing!
The head hitting thing, is he ND? My DS can do this and it's complex issues with ADHD (albeit still in the 'foreverness' of full diagnosis)

Yanbu; he sounds like a 1950s sexist husband

He is doing DARVO.

Why does he think ironing shirts is your job? Tell him straight that you are not the skivvy.

It's not always ADHD, often it's just aggression.

DH commented on it and says “your mother should have ironed it”

that was the time to remind him where the iron lives and ask him why HE didn't do it, surely.

To his over-reaction later, I would reply that he needs to grow up and wait until he apologises and behave like an adult.

his reaction was totally OTT and I would not be happy he’s making comments like that to his son, we don’t need any more boys growing up believing women should be doing most of the house chores.

...said it was like getting feedback at work

His original comment about what you 'should have done'? Or your complaint to him?

If the former, remind him that you are not his employee.

Yes he might be stressed at work as he went through a tough time a couple of years ago but I thought it was all a lot a better now.

I know. He’s never down that before .

I would have replied back at the time 'er why, you are both perfectly capable of using an iron'

Apart from the core issue, he’s teaching your son that ironing is woman’s work.

He sounds like he needs help, that's not the reaction of someone who is mentally well!!

id have asked him why HE hadn't done it & reminded him having a penis doesn't stop him ironing & teaching DS while he's about it!!

You should have tackled it at the time , in front of DS, and said that as DH is the parent with a few days off, he should do the ironing