The odds of finding love in my thirties as a single mum?

[HelloSunshine12]

Divorcing DH. I'm 31. One DC who is 2 (nearly 3) who will primarily live with me.

I absolutely know that I need to be in a decent and stable situation on my own long before I try to find anyone. I think I'm just hoping for some light at the end of the tunnel. How likely is it that, as a single mum at this age, I will meet somebody who I fall in love with and that will treat me well and respect me? You hear about so many crap men. And H was right in a lot of ways but fundamentally flawed in another which didn't come to light until after we were married. He would stay together but I'm not prepared to have my marriage be an example to DC of what marriage should be. I would be failing them to allow that.

Do you think I have much chance of finding someone? If anyone has any positive stories to share from being a relatively young divorcee they would be so very welcome. Life has been really shit to me to date and I'm trying to look forwards and not beat myself up but it's proving rather hard.

YABU - odds are not in your favour as most men will be happily in relationships by this point/being a single mum won't appeal to many

YANBU - stop being so negative, of course you'll stand a chance at having a decent relationship if you want one

I'm in the same boat as you, same age exactly but add another child on to that. I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and me and my ex recently separated. Of COURSE it can happen. It can happen at any age! My grandmother was my age with two boys with the same age gap (one was 5 one was 3) when she met my grandad, married till death with another 2 boys. We're still young!

My friend has an eight year old and found love about six months ago with a nice seeming bloke. He also has a child. She seems ten times happier than she was with her ex, who just belittled her all the time.

I divorced at 39, swore off men forever, met the love of my life at 43, it's absolutely possible.

Met my partner of 2 years at age 50. He’s a thoroughly decent man and gets on brilliantly with my dc (teens). I spent 18 months single after my exH left as I didn’t want to rush in to anything. Just agreed to a date with a friend of a friend and that was that.

Hasnt happened for me. 4 kids with them all the time as ex doesn't have them. Been single 6 years unable to meet anyone. If you get regular time off its possible

Met my partner via OLD just over a year after our separation (when I felt ready to dip my toe in the dating pool). I was 35 with 2 under 6. We've been together 8 years, although still don't live together.

Take your time, enjoy being in your own company, grieve the life you thought you would have and then go and flourish! You are still so young!

I left my exH when I was 36 & met DP when I was 39. This is honestly the best relationship I've ever been in, he really is lovely. We met through mutual friends, I was always too scared of OLD!

I will say though, I don't ever want my DC's to become stepchildren. I read so many horrible threads about step parents on here. See the current one about a SM wanting to leave her stepdaughter at home whilst she and her real kids go on holiday.

I think blended families are one of the downsides of people moving on after relationships involving children.

I met my dp through friends when my daughter was 4, I had split from my ex, when she was a baby , we have had another two children and are really happy together.

I did at 40 as a single mum. I waited until DS was grown up. I didn't want him confused.
I went to a barbecue one night even though I didn't want to go and met him and we were married 2 years later.
Go to everything you can out there.

I became single when DD was a baby and met my partner when I was 34 and dd was 5, he also has a child of the same age. Hope this helps the positive statistics :)

I was in an almost identical situation to you OP. Met my now DH through work and we've been married 9 years this year and have an 11yo and 5yo.

It hasn't always been plain sailing with DS1 and DH but DH is a good man who supports us all and treats the 3 kids the same (95% of the time and even then it's complicated).

Wishing you all the best. I will say I don't think I handled introducing DS and DH very well, looking back I was selfish and rushed things. We're lucky.

I had a very favourable experience as a step daughter so I guess my outlook was positive. I think MN has encouraged me to see that not everyone is so lucky

I met my now dh 15 years ago. I was mid 30s very much a single parent, broke and with 2 young dc I rarely got a break from.

I met dh who was 'considerably' younger than me and just meant to be a bit of fun whenever I was child free. Except it didn't go to plan and we fell in love etc etc 😂
My point is, yes, there are decent men out there, It's not inevitable you'll be alone forever!
My only advice would be to go slowly, hold off introducing anyone to your dc. Anyone worth keeping will be patient and be guided by you and what you think is best for you & your dc.

Anecdotally in my wider friendship group every woman that divorced with primary age kids is in a new serious relationship

I was booted out after 9yrs with exDH at 32 with a 6yo in tow. 18mo later I met DP on tinder, coming up to our 4th anniversary now and I cant imagine being with anyone else :) gets on fab woth DD, just doesnt want his own. Think he loves being the 'disney uncle' type figure

That was me 10 years ago. 31/32, single mum to kids aged 9 and 5. Tried some internet dating and it was awful so I gave up and just focused on me and the kids.

I ended up meeting DH in the August, a mutual friend set us up and we just clicked (as well as finding out we had actually met before but were both with other people back then so didn't talk that much).

We've just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. He is an amazing step-dad to the kids (their own dad barely sees them any more as he keeps moving further and further away and now is 1.5 hours away with no space to have them overnight) but we did agree early on that once he met the kids if they didn't get on then that would be it for us because he knew I had to put the kids first. Thankfully it worked out, we're still very much in love and I can honestly say the last 10 years have been the best ones of my adult life.

My dh married me with 2 teens and a 7 year old. One of the teens and 7 year old had ADHD as well so not easy to parent. He has been the best Step Dad and now my kids are grown up and he has a lovely relationship with them. Last weekend he was helping youngest son with DIY on the house he just bought. He goes to cinema with the boys too. You have got loads of time. The best thing about a second serious relationship is that you know what signs to look out for as red flags. Take your time and don't rush into anything. I made sure DH knew when he proposed to me that me and my children came as a package deal. Their Step Dad has been so much better than their biological Dad and 2 boys do a lot more with Step Dad. My DD lives a long way away but also gets along well with her Step Dad.

I divorced with 2 kids age 27 best decision of my life getting us all away and me safe. I am 38 and remarried to a wonderful kind man who loves my 2 children and we also have twins together.

I got divorced at 34 with three kids. Knew a guy through work and we got together properly at 40. 16 years together and we have just got married a week ago. Its so right and im much happier. It can happen anytime. Mind those 6 years after divorce we also a lot of fun!!

My mother met my step father when I was 10, so she will have been 38. She had other boyfriends before then but my step father became her husband and they have been together 22 years now.

So I think yes, but also don't lower your standards.

How likely is it that, as a single mum at this age, I will meet somebody who I fall in love with and that will treat me well and respect me?

Maintain a healthy approach to it all, love and care for yourself, and I think it's very likely indeed. I know lots of single parents who found love at older ages than you and I bet you do too.

Hi OP

In a similar situation to you, although I'm a couple of years older with 18 month old twins.

It's scary venturing out there when you have come out of a long term relationship. But I'd say take every opportunity you can to have a break (not just a date, but time for you) and whilst being safe go on dates and enjoy yourself.

That's where I'm at, I've had a few dates... my eyes are starting to be opened to what's out there (good and bad!)

I have been surprised at how attractive some men find the whole single mum thing, the fact you can stand on your own two feet and support yourself is an incredible quality.

I make it very clear from the offset I'm looking for someone to enjoy my time with, not a potential stepfather and I haven't had anyone in my home.

There's been a few guys who would have definitely wanted to pursue things more seriously had I been the same, so it can happen.

But also remember there are some men who might see your situation as an indication that you're vulnerable... so keep guarded.

Enjoy it! X

I met dh just a year after leaving Exh. I had 2 dc and he had an older teen. We are all one happy family now and life is perfect.

Second marriages are always better 😉

I did, at 33 with two DCs in tow. It didn’t work out but we had 10 mostly happy years.