The odds of finding love in my thirties as a single mum?

[HelloSunshine12]

Divorcing DH. I'm 31. One DC who is 2 (nearly 3) who will primarily live with me.

I absolutely know that I need to be in a decent and stable situation on my own long before I try to find anyone. I think I'm just hoping for some light at the end of the tunnel. How likely is it that, as a single mum at this age, I will meet somebody who I fall in love with and that will treat me well and respect me? You hear about so many crap men. And H was right in a lot of ways but fundamentally flawed in another which didn't come to light until after we were married. He would stay together but I'm not prepared to have my marriage be an example to DC of what marriage should be. I would be failing them to allow that.

Do you think I have much chance of finding someone? If anyone has any positive stories to share from being a relatively young divorcee they would be so very welcome. Life has been really shit to me to date and I'm trying to look forwards and not beat myself up but it's proving rather hard.

YABU - odds are not in your favour as most men will be happily in relationships by this point/being a single mum won't appeal to many

YANBU - stop being so negative, of course you'll stand a chance at having a decent relationship if you want one

@Loafbeginsat60 If you don't mind me asking, did you always believe you'd remarry? I am at the tail end of a divorce and whilst I believe I may one day find love again... the thought of marriage itself is terrifying!

I wonder if that feeling changes when you find the right person though.

Try 52 as a single parent with the dc full time, its nigh impossible...

I didn't really have any set ideas to be honest.

I have a good job and can support myself so I wasn't too worried about needing a man as such!

But then I met my now dh and he proposed after 9 days. Was scary but I knew right away he was a good man who would look after us all. And he does...!

Also 31 2 kids (2 + 12) separated (not divorced yet) I don't think I will meet anyone my STBEXH won't let me move on. So I'm stuck in limbo and it's like all the bad stuff of being together plus struggling alone so I'm probably worse off now than I was being together.

I think it's definitely doable!

Tbh, I think it can be harder being someone who is desperate to settle down and have children at that age, as men can sometimes take advantage of that a bit ime. At least you aren't in any rush to start a family and can just enjoy getting to know people.

A friend of mine divorced in her late thirties with two very young dcs and was devastated (her exh left her for another woman when their youngest dc was still a baby). She thought she'd never meet anyone else but she's engaged now, extremely successful at work and v happy.

I have several friends who were single mum's in their 30s and found lovely partners. I'm fact this weekend I'm going to the wedding of such a friend! She divorced at 33 and is remarrying at 37. Her new man is brilliant!

Obviously in their thirties a lot are coupled up. Then some do not want to date people with children already, this goes for men and women. Then there is the aspect of being very careful to let any man in to your child’s life.

So of course it’s not impossible but it is harder as a single parent. I’m off to a wedding in two weeks as my friend is remarrying aged 41. Her DS was about 14 when she met DH number 2.

Yes you can. Just don’t go looking for a relationship straight off the blocks have a couple of rebound shags first . Also don’t ever think that because you have a child a man is doing you a favour by getting involved . Don’t put yourself on the back foot from the off. Your dating pool of eligible men will shrink by about 4%. Really not much at all . I also don’t believe in waiting a year or whatever mn recommends these days to meet your kids.
What’s the point in seeing someone for a year and investing time and energy to then find out that there are massive personality clashes and they don’t like each other . You don’t have to ‘introduce ‘ them but You can at least engineer a meeting .

How likely is it you will meet someone you are attracted to
who is attracted to you
who you want a relationship with
who wants a relationship with you
who you have things in common with but isn't boring
and this all synchronizes for both of you

Not likely

But it can happen. Just get clear about what your criteria is and see if someone fits it.

Don't let your standards slip. Be happy alone.

I've been with DP for 3 years, I have a 5 year old from my previous relationship and now we have a 5 month old too. It's definitely possible to find a good egg in your 30s, mine was preparing to come out of the navy when we met