Do I really report this? (Restraining order breach)

[ECJW85]

I have a non-molestation order against my ex-partner that is still valid until August - he is not supposed to contact me at all and only through my solicitor.

I have an old phone that I use to keep in touch with his family (they still see our daughter even though he isn’t allowed to legally at the moment) and I keep him unblocked because I send him CMS reminders every month as a log because he doesn’t pay and then claims it’s because he didn’t know a payment was due etc so I log everything as evidence as my solicitor has said that’s fine and he knows he isn’t allowed to reply to this and I also remind him that if there is any issues with payment to let my solicitor know so she can pass the message on etc - basically he knows he isn’t allowed to contact me directly.

So I posted a photo of DD yesterday on my stories for his family to see as it’s easier than sending to them all individually and they enjoy the updates ect and instead of clicking the custom settings I’ve accidentally just posted it so all contacts can see and I didn’t realise that until I checked the views last night and saw that he had seen it which is fine, whatever. However, today he has obviously been back on the photo (within the 24 delete timeframe) and started sending me emoji reactions to it.

Now technically this is a breach because it’s sending me messages which he isn’t allowed to do. My solicitor said to report every little thing however I’ve had restraining orders in the past and he got away with so much by saying that he did it ‘accidentally’ etc and nothing was ever done about it.

So do I waste my time and report it just to show I’m taking the restraining order seriously? It doesn’t look good when you’ve asked to be protected against somebody and yet you let messages slide no matter how small or insignificant they are, or do I just ignore it and see if he contacts me anymore?

Also, if he had done it accidentally he 100% would have contacted my solicitor or got his mum to tell me incase I reported him which he hasn’t done.

TIA x

I think I would, yes, because it seems very likely he's testing the boundary and will escalate from here if you don't enforce it. You're a lot more familiar with both him and the situation than me, though.

I think I'd report it

I'd let that go. You sending him reminders and him having access to the picture is strange tbh.

I’d report it. But also be very careful about who you send pictures to in future

I send him reminders otherwise he doesn’t pay and he always uses the excuse that he didn’t know it was due - so it covers my own back and normally he doesn’t, but I didn’t realise I hadn’t put my security settings right which blocks him from my stories

Report it

Personally no, I wouldn't report it. Because your monthly CSA reminders are contact to him and you made the mistake by effectively sending a message you knew he'd see and want to respond to.

I can't understand why you don't get someone else to text him the reminders? It's not appropriate for you to text him monthly if you don't want contact.

I think you'd be being provocative for reporting an emoji he sent as a response to something you shared with him (unless it's threatening).

But if he contacts you again, then yes, report.

This is exactly what I thought - with the order running out soon within a matter of weeks - I did wonder if he would try and test the boundaries at some point

Yes, I would report it because otherwise you're open the being accused of having grey boundaries when it comes to creeping breaches. However, like you I had an NMO, reported everything and it was never taken seriously. Really disheartening.

I'd let it go this time because it was your mistake. And he hasn't actually messaged you.

Can’t you get CMS to do collect & pay?

the “forgetting” is a pure control thing

Emojis are not messages. You need to be more careful who you are allowing access to. By including him in the access to the photos, you have blurred the line yourself. Keep the contact to what is agreed. It seems that he understands he cannot reply to the texts about maintenance. This means that you must not seek to engage with him by sending him photos via facebook or anywhere else.

Yabu you see the reminders as a way of still keeping contact because I can think of a number of other ways you could receive this but your not.

I think I’d drop this and find a alternative to you personally contacting him absolutely bizzare when your clearly in contact with his family? Nuts…..

He doesn't forget to pay. He just doesn't want to.

Stories on what? Instagram? Facebook? What app shows everything to all your phone contacts and nor just your friends/followers?

If he isn't blocked or deleted on social media he should be. Texts only.

Yabu how can you have a restraining order yet text him reminders every month about maintenance and telling him to contact your solicitor. You break the order every month?! Madness.

it is a bit of a madness to have legal order against the man but wanting his money so acutely

Oh yeah because the £10 he legally has to pay every week for his child pays for so much, I’m such a money grabber I am 😂

For the sake of £10 I’d not be contacting him given he must have been abusive to get the non-mol in the first place. I’d report the breach to keep your boundaries firm but I’d also either use CMS to collect your £10 or let it go.

Seeing as you could go down the route of 'collect and pay' with the child maintenance service so you'd never have to text him ever again, yet you choose to message him at least once a month is very telling.

Seems like you're trying to trap him to be honest. You text him every few weeks yet he can't respond. You post pictures of your child knowing he'd see it then want to use the fact he's probably 'loved' the post (by sending a heart response) to use against him.

What platform? Surely you could have private Insta or Facebook and not have him as a follower or 'friend'?

Sounds like snapchat or Facebook so she's obviously got him as a friend still.

I wouldnt pay for a solicitor and then ignore the advice or listen to mumsnet instead. No offence mumnsetters!