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Original poster

Do I really report this? (Restraining order breach)

35 replies

ECJW85 · 05/06/2023 17:30

I have a non-molestation order against my ex-partner that is still valid until August - he is not supposed to contact me at all and only through my solicitor.

I have an old phone that I use to keep in touch with his family (they still see our daughter even though he isn’t allowed to legally at the moment) and I keep him unblocked because I send him CMS reminders every month as a log because he doesn’t pay and then claims it’s because he didn’t know a payment was due etc so I log everything as evidence as my solicitor has said that’s fine and he knows he isn’t allowed to reply to this and I also remind him that if there is any issues with payment to let my solicitor know so she can pass the message on etc - basically he knows he isn’t allowed to contact me directly.

So I posted a photo of DD yesterday on my stories for his family to see as it’s easier than sending to them all individually and they enjoy the updates ect and instead of clicking the custom settings I’ve accidentally just posted it so all contacts can see and I didn’t realise that until I checked the views last night and saw that he had seen it which is fine, whatever. However, today he has obviously been back on the photo (within the 24 delete timeframe) and started sending me emoji reactions to it.

Now technically this is a breach because it’s sending me messages which he isn’t allowed to do. My solicitor said to report every little thing however I’ve had restraining orders in the past and he got away with so much by saying that he did it ‘accidentally’ etc and nothing was ever done about it.

So do I waste my time and report it just to show I’m taking the restraining order seriously? It doesn’t look good when you’ve asked to be protected against somebody and yet you let messages slide no matter how small or insignificant they are, or do I just ignore it and see if he contacts me anymore?

Also, if he had done it accidentally he 100% would have contacted my solicitor or got his mum to tell me incase I reported him which he hasn’t done.

TIA x

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 05/06/2023 19:32

SchoolShenanigans · 05/06/2023 17:36

Personally no, I wouldn't report it. Because your monthly CSA reminders are contact to him and you made the mistake by effectively sending a message you knew he'd see and want to respond to.

I can't understand why you don't get someone else to text him the reminders? It's not appropriate for you to text him monthly if you don't want contact.

I think you'd be being provocative for reporting an emoji he sent as a response to something you shared with him (unless it's threatening).

But if he contacts you again, then yes, report.

I agree with this.

You made the mistake and gave him access to the photo. He's liked the photo not contacted you.

I also think you need to stop the CMS reminders too. Get your solicitor to contact him about setting up a DD or SO for the payments to automatically go each month.

itsgettingweird · 05/06/2023 19:34

Above poster for it right when they said you are also blurring the boundaries.

CremeEggThief · 05/06/2023 19:37

In this instance I think you should let it go, as the situation was partly your fault, due to carelessness.

CremeEgg1983 · 05/06/2023 19:37

Doesn't contacting him and sending him reminders undermine the non-molestation order? I'm surprised your solicitor advised that this was ok. You could send reminders via your solicitor.

Regards the emojis, I personally wouldn't bother to report it.

ProtestantsHateAbba · 05/06/2023 19:43

Report it but don’t be surprised if nothing is done about it.

As for reminding him each month to pay his child support… just no. He knows damn well when it’s due, it will say so in his paper work. If he doesn’t pay up report him to CMS every single time until they go collect and pay and he has no choice in the matter. He’s controlling you even now by keeping the line’s communication open and holding you responsible for reminding him to pay towards raising his child. Frankly I’m surprised and disappointed that your solicitor has been ok with this even before you accidentally sent him this picture of your kid.

Flutterbye22 · 05/10/2023 08:05

No no no, why are you texting him reminders for payment? That is NOT your responsibility. I know you are owed the money. It’s his responsibility to pay and set up his own reminders on his phone, he’s a grown man. He’s definitely pushing boundaries and using it as a form of control as others have said.

also, sorry — but why do you have him as a contact on social media? Block him. If he wants updates or to see pics of his children, surely his friends or family can send them.

I don’t mean to be harsh here, but I don’t understand why you are being so lax about the boundaries.

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 05/10/2023 08:10

Flutterbye22 · 05/10/2023 08:05

No no no, why are you texting him reminders for payment? That is NOT your responsibility. I know you are owed the money. It’s his responsibility to pay and set up his own reminders on his phone, he’s a grown man. He’s definitely pushing boundaries and using it as a form of control as others have said.

also, sorry — but why do you have him as a contact on social media? Block him. If he wants updates or to see pics of his children, surely his friends or family can send them.

I don’t mean to be harsh here, but I don’t understand why you are being so lax about the boundaries.

Why have you raised the dead? This thread is old.

Flutterbye22 · 05/10/2023 09:57

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 05/10/2023 08:10

Why have you raised the dead? This thread is old.

Show quote history

Oh god, I didn’t realise this was an old thread, sorry 🙈

CBAanymoreTBH · 05/10/2023 13:35

Yes definitely report. Otherwise it will totally undermine any future breach you might report. I learned this the hard way

CBAanymoreTBH · 05/10/2023 13:36

SchoolShenanigans · 05/06/2023 17:36

Personally no, I wouldn't report it. Because your monthly CSA reminders are contact to him and you made the mistake by effectively sending a message you knew he'd see and want to respond to.

I can't understand why you don't get someone else to text him the reminders? It's not appropriate for you to text him monthly if you don't want contact.

I think you'd be being provocative for reporting an emoji he sent as a response to something you shared with him (unless it's threatening).

But if he contacts you again, then yes, report.

She doesn't have an order...he does.

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