Busy all Summer?

[Makeawish123]

I feel abit daft about this but just wondering what is normal! I have a group of 4 friends and we are very close. We all have older kids so no little ones. As usual it is very difficult to make plans as everyone has busy lives, work, kids etc..including me. I asked everyone about availability for a bbq and we got a few dates that most of us could do. 1 of my friends has announced that she now has no free time at weekends until the end of September. This has got me thinking. I have a few things planned- a hen weekend, a holiday etc.. but still have alot of free days over the summer. Am I deeply unpopular or is it normal to have such a full social life???

It would be unusual, but we are in the season where a lot of events happen and also I think there's still a post covid backlog for things like weddings that are still being worked through. So the average person might be going to more weddings/christenings/family type events in summer 2023 than they were in summer 2019.

And as a pp pointed out, holidays can block out a lot of the summer. Let's say someone's going away for a fortnight on a Saturday and it's a late flight back so they don't want to book anything on the Sunday after they get back. That's three full weekends already.

It could also be that she doesn't want to come though.

I think there’s around 13 weeks until the end of August. I’ve just worked out we have commitments for 7 weekends, which surprises me as I don’t like to be massively sociable 😂
These include parents/family coming to stay, kids and friends parties and two breaks away for us, so I can see how super sociable people are booked up

I have one friend like this - she is always ridiculously booked up well in advance. Another friend in the same friendship group never does anything, but refuses to commit either so between the pair of them we barely ever meet up.

@ichundich why wouldn’t you be bothered with friends who have busy weekends. Between holidays, weddings and other commitments it can be difficult to have a free weekend over the Summer.

I have a few Sundays free and about 3 Saturdays free between now and September.

I don’t think I have a weekend free til about the end of September or early October.

It’s mostly because a lot of social things happen over summer so we have a couple of weddings to go to (both not local so that’s a whole weekend out for each) and it’s exacerbated because we live quite a way away from most of our friends and family.

We have a holiday booked which knocks out two weekends in the summer and a short break in the UK which will take up a weekend too. We have a couple of trips to stay with family - you can see how it gets really busy.

We live in Edinburgh so lots of people want to visit during the festival - when you add my parents visiting one weekend, my in-laws for one weekend and then a couple of friends, that’s all the August weekends taken up. We also have some things planned at home with friends locally. And two weekends are taken up where we have running/triathlon events booked.

I don’t see how that’s ‘really quite disturbing’ behaviour 😂 Everyone has different priorities and if you have holidays planned, weddings to go to, hobbies or sports, and/or you have large families that don’t live nearby it’s easy to get very busy.

We mostly see local friends mid week for a drink/BBQ/dinner as they are also very busy over summer.

How strange. She's busy for the whole of the summer? Have a BBQ with your other friends and don't bother about her.

I think this only becomes a problem if you feel that you can only meet if the busy friend is free. I'd just go ahead and meet up with the other friends and unfortunately the busy friend will have to miss out this time. So I'd say, 'great, Helen and Laura, do you fancy meeting 30th June then? Emma, we'll be sorry to miss you this time around but maybe we can plan something for September when you have more time.'

I'd also say that in these types of situations, if it's one person who's causing the scheduling issues they ought to say feel free to organise it around the rest of you. I had this recently where some cousins were trying to arrange a family get together and due to various things happening at once, we had about 5 minutes free that month. In the end I just said, don't feel like you have to delay this 6 weeks just to accommodate us, do it when it suits the rest of you and we'll get to the next one.

I'm exactly the same, feel a bit of a lightweight sometimes but refuse to over commit and then have to bail out which is worse.

We had this too last summer, although friends without kids as well as those with. I think part of it was post Covid, with people wanting to do the things they missed. But it does seem more noticeable.

Ugh I'd hate that - love days when I have nothing planned and no schedule!
I have plenty of weekends free ... that's just the way I like it.

She could be busy chilling in bed watching Netflix for all you know. I know that's what I prefer doing over, well, most things
It could be an excuse to avoid the BBQ. I think the take away from this is just to crack on with it anyway. Doesn't matter what other people are up to.

OP I guess if she’s like @AlfietheSchnauzer ex friend, it depends if your friend is like this all the time, or just this summer /usually busy in the summer? Eg if you arrange a meet up for drinks /meal out in autumn or spring, is she usually available (with a bit of notice) or is she like this all year round?

some people do have periods of time when they just aren’t free for months, then can go the best part of 6 months with no plans! Or there’s no weekends where they can get all members of their family available, but could meet you solo /can’t meet in the day but could do the evening etc.

We are very quiet but if you're looking at weekends then they quickly get covered. Someone going on holiday normally occupies 2 weekends. Several people in a group going away at different times will quickly leave you with no days everyone's free. End of summer term is often hectic with kids' shows, scout camps etc. Add in the odd festival, concert or sports event. The odd weekend tagged onto a week's A/L as "family time".

I have a friend like this. I had to book in to meet up in July back in April. Sounds like hard work to me and leaves no flexibility if things pop up.

We are pretty full tbh.

It’s not a full social life but that dh and I also have work commitments on some weekends.
I would say between now and end of September at least 8 weekend days are work based, 4 gone on holiday away (2 week trip), and 3 family visiting. So that doesn’t leave many left tbh. Some of those days ie work based will be only half days etc so can fit something like a bbq though

I’ve just scrolled through my phone calendar and realised we’ve only got about 3 weekends free between now and end of September.

It’s not normally like that but we’re going on holiday - only a week but travel times/airports/picking the dog up from my Mum’s means it straddles across 2 weekends, a couple of weekends away with friends, a music festival, 2 weddings, helping DD1 move out of her uni flat then a few weeks later help her move into her new uni flat, friends coming to stay, visiting family, both my girls have big birthdays (18 and 21) so will do something with them.

Plus DDog has to have her cruciate ligament repaired and will be stuck in a crate for 6-8 weeks so one of us will have to stay with her a lot of the time.

I’d just get together with those that are free and meet up with your busy friend another time.

I'm wondering if you actually know her...this is remarkably accurate. Lol
Thanks all - I actually would hate to be this busy cos I love a lazy afternoon in the garden but good to see that I'm not a total social outcast 😉

What others said. 2/3x children or teens and their schedules, holidays over the season, add in a wedding or hen/stag do... But I also have a friend who is a "Royal PA" type, as a PP so brilliantly put it, and I have started just declining all invites. I have no idea what I'll be doing the 3rd weekend in July, and I'd like to keep it that way.

Might be work related? I don’t work weekends but my husband does, so that puts a limit on when I can arrange child-free things.

We don’t have a free weekend date until the end of September. Even September has just one weekend left. It’s busier than usual but quite normal to plan lots of fun weekends in the summer months.

I would press ahead with the others op and get your Christmas dates in early 😂

Can happen if you have a large family.

Admittedly not quite to the end of September (more the beginning) but I have 3 birthdays this month (siblings) then in July we have 4 (!) on my partners side and then August there is another two plus our anniversary. Then beginning of September it is my sons birthday.

We are also away for a week in August and have a camping trip next month that falls on a weekend.

I don't think it is that weird or shocking tbh but obviously a shame if you're trying to sort dates out.

We have a small family and don't have small children or gazillions of friends so our summer weekends look pretty empty.

However, we all tend to be pretty spontaneous with plans and often make them at the last minute. I would hate to have my life planned to the nth degree that some people do.

I feel differently - most of the things planned are going to be really good fun with some greater friends and I am really looking forward to them!
I like planning my outfits and knowing I have a lovely summer to look forward to, and I am making the most of it, it would be different I imagine if they were boring events, but I feel I can relax, summer is all organised and I can enjoy it. A little like Christmas time.

Just looked through the calendar - as a family (of 5, including 3 teens), we don't have any free weekends all summer. One kid works Friday evenings, one works Saturday afternoons, two play cricket which goes into Saturday evenings.
We're away for three weeks in the summer and we live in a seaside town so we're heavily booked up with visitors over the school holidays too.

Personally, I have three free weekends between now and September. I like my downtime though, so I won't be rushing to fill them.

I agree that for some people being seen to be busy is important, and some people can be reluctant to commit to plans, and both are annoying! I really try to give a straight answer when I'm invited to something and to do it if I say I will.