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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF Mother - Free Taxi Service

44 replies

BackAgainstWall · 05/06/2023 08:09

Please tell me how you politely tell a CF mum to pick up her own 14 year old DD (my DS’s girlfriend)?

This lady is very clever at getting other people to do her bidding (being a free taxi driver) and it’s starting to really piss me off. We live a 45 minute round trip apart.

To cut a long story short, I had to pick my DS up last night which is a 50 minute round trip.

Find out last minute from my DS, that surprise surprise, his GF’s mum isn’t going to collect her because of some feeble excuse.

I’m obviously snookered as can’t leave her there - literally in the arse end of nowhere, so my 50 minute trip ends up being 90 minutes.

And yes I did message her mum, but cleverly there’s radio silence.

I would help anyone, i really would, but being manipulated and taken for granted, when there are vast distances involved, is another story.

OP posts:
Pfpppl · 05/06/2023 08:12

Could you not have picked them both up and taken them back to yours, leaving her mum to collect her from your house? No extra inconvenience to you that way.

Dacadactyl · 05/06/2023 08:14

How often has this happened?

Hiddenvoice · 05/06/2023 08:16

I agree with a pp suggesting picking up both but making the mum pick her up from your house. Either that or if you’re picking ds up in the future, then give plenty of time to tell him you cannot take the girl home and she needs to contact her mum.

Whinge · 05/06/2023 08:17

I’m obviously snookered as can’t leave her there - literally in the arse end of nowhere

Leave her where? Confused

More information is needed, where were they, what time was it, what were the original plans for collection?

HavfrueDenizKisi · 05/06/2023 08:29

Yes I think if you're in that situation again then bring gf back to yours and get CF mum to collect from you.

Then I would have a conversation separately with your son and explain that gf mum is taking the piss and going forward your not a taxi service for her so he needs to make it clear to gf that she needs to have alternative arrangements in place before attending something.

Simplyfedup · 05/06/2023 08:30

Well, you need to get brave and deal with it. Messages can be ignored, phone calls can't. You ring her, then after some polite chat you tell her that you think there has been some sort of misunderstanding so wanted to talk to her about it. You're happy to pick both of them up if they are together and take them back to yours for her to collect her DD from there. However, given the distance and the time it takes, going forward you won't be able to take her DD home. So any time that needs to happen she will have to pick her up herself.

YellowHatt · 05/06/2023 08:31

Do you think your DS could have told her that you’d drive her? Tell him not t offer you out as a taxi if so.

Simplyfedup · 05/06/2023 08:32

Then, whatever her excuses, you just turn them back at her, you understand that she might go out/drink/not have time but it doesn't change the fact that you aren't able to help her out with getting her daughter home. Unfortunately, if she's really determined you may have to tell her that you're not a taxi service.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 05/06/2023 08:41

Or even better, take the gf back to yours (rather than leaving her stuck in the original place) at no real inconvenience to yourself, then ask her mum if she'd rather:
(a) come and collect her from your house or
(b) that you phoned a cab to take her dd home ( for the mum to pay for when it reached her).
This might help focus her mind as to the cost of a real taxi.

Sissynova · 05/06/2023 08:49

Why are you even the one messaging your DS's GF's mum?

She's 14! She can speak to her mum herself about getting home.

Runningslow · 05/06/2023 08:50

You also need to hammer home the message to your son what driving you are prepared to do, so they get used to making arrangements for getting home before you allow them to go in the first place. Not that his girlfriend’s arrangements should be for him to sort out.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 05/06/2023 08:53

I’d bring her back to mine and just text-are you fetching her from here or do I send her in a taxi for you to pay when she gets there. Also her DD is old enough to realise she needs a lift home. Tell your DS to have a proper plan of action here and that you are not a taxi service for his GF

TrashyPanda · 05/06/2023 08:54

Why were they somewhere they couldn’t get home from under their own steam? What were their arrangements for getting home?

id be starting with teaching your DC about consideration, taking others for granted, self responsibility and journey planning before I got annoyed at someone else.

14 isn’t a little kid who needs to be chauffeured around.

Beautiful3 · 05/06/2023 09:03

I'd start saying to son, your girlfriend can only come if her mum agrees to collect her at x. Get a message sent to your phone from her mum for proof. If she doesnt collect, then let the girlfriend sleep over in the living room, until she gets collected in the morning. Otherwise they'll have to meet up half way e.g. town/park/cinema, and make their own way home.

Elfandwellbeing · 05/06/2023 09:09

Why did you “have” to pick her up! Surely her mum made arrangements.
You are being a mug.

billy1966 · 05/06/2023 09:09

You deal with your son.

No way would I do a 40 minute additonal trip.

Speak very clearly to your son and tell him THAT is never happening again.

If he breaks up with her, so be it🙄.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 05/06/2023 09:14

I'd text the mum saying she'll need to arrange a taxi for her DD. Not your responsibility to ensure she gets home, and I'd make that very clear.

Elfandwellbeing · 05/06/2023 09:16

Similar situation used to happen to me, parent assumed I was dropping off all the time because my child arranged things. I finally saw the error of my ways when my child and friend went to a music venue. I picked up my child, friend mum did not show, we waited 10 minutes whilst child phoned mum to no avail. I phoned mum who asked me drop her home because her car would not start, it’s opposite direction because so I ended up saying no and suggested a taxi pick up her, I waited for taxi to ensure she was picked up. Agree with others. Send her home in a taxi. Stop being a martyr.

mainsfed · 05/06/2023 09:18

Don’t fall for it again.

Only pick up your DS next time.

mainsfed · 05/06/2023 09:19

Pfpppl · 05/06/2023 08:12

Could you not have picked them both up and taken them back to yours, leaving her mum to collect her from your house? No extra inconvenience to you that way.

I doubt the woman will collect her dd.

OP should just pick up her own DS.

OurChristmasMiracle · 05/06/2023 09:23

I would not be taking her back to mine- the mum will see it as a completely child free night because you aren’t going to throw her out if her mum doesn’t collect her.

make sure that when they go out wherever they are there is appropriate public transport to get her home. Offer to drop her at bus stop/ station and wait with her until bus/train comes and then take ds home.

Notimeforaname · 05/06/2023 09:29

Of course you can "leave her there" she got there somehow, she can go back the same way.

This woman only gets away with being cheeky because you let her. If you keep picking up her child, well, itll just keep happening.

You must see the connection?

mycoffeecup · 05/06/2023 09:32

If not in danger I'd leave her
If in a dangerous spot I'd take her somewhere safe like a cafe, ensure she has phone credit to call mum, and leave her there.

peacenall · 05/06/2023 09:36

mycoffeecup · 05/06/2023 09:32

If not in danger I'd leave her
If in a dangerous spot I'd take her somewhere safe like a cafe, ensure she has phone credit to call mum, and leave her there.

This

maddening · 05/06/2023 09:38

Pfpppl · 05/06/2023 08:12

Could you not have picked them both up and taken them back to yours, leaving her mum to collect her from your house? No extra inconvenience to you that way.

This is what I would do.