CF Mother - Free Taxi Service

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Please tell me how you politely tell a CF mum to pick up her own 14 year old DD (my DS’s girlfriend)?

This lady is very clever at getting other people to do her bidding (being a free taxi driver) and it’s starting to really piss me off. We live a 45 minute round trip apart.

To cut a long story short, I had to pick my DS up last night which is a 50 minute round trip.

Find out last minute from my DS, that surprise surprise, his GF’s mum isn’t going to collect her because of some feeble excuse.

I’m obviously snookered as can’t leave her there - literally in the arse end of nowhere, so my 50 minute trip ends up being 90 minutes.

And yes I did message her mum, but cleverly there’s radio silence.

I would help anyone, i really would, but being manipulated and taken for granted, when there are vast distances involved, is another story.

Both of your children need to arrange “dates” in locations they have a firm, trustworthy plan to get home from.

Are you sure you're getting the full story? My DD used to go to parties that finished at 2am, safely at someone's home. Because of where we live, these were on very dark roads in the arse end of nowhere. I can't drive at night under the best of conditions, so it wasn't safe for me to pick her up. If she wanted to go to these parties, I asked her to organise to stay the night and I'd pick her up first thing in the morning. Best compromise solution I could come up with.

BF's mother decides to pick them both up and bring her home. If she wants to do that, fine, but I wasn't even happy about my DD being on those roads at that time and would rather she hadn't when we'd made other arrangements that were acceptable to the family hosting. My DD told them her Mum wouldn't pick her up (not couldn't pick her up).

You need to tell your Son you won’t be playing taxi anymore.

You could always ask the other mum to return the favour, as you’ve helped her out so much 😉

You have a ds problem here. He needs to make sure his gf can get home or no date.

No she doesn’t! Her son did nothing wrong. The girl accepted (or proposed!) the date location and then was let firm by her mother.

I think you need to message the CF mother.
Something like "I brought your DD home last night as I did not want her left at the [location]. Bringing her to your home is not on our route and is a considerable inconvenience. I will not be bringing her home again unless I have explicitly agreed beforehand (and not 5 minutes before collection). It is not my responsibility to ensure she gets home and I am not willing to accept this responsibility or inconvenience. Please make adequate arrangements for her returning home safely.

Stop picking her up! Whilst you take responsibility for her - the parents don’t need to. Stick to it, be clear with your son about the limits to the taxi service. I have to do this within dds friends or we would spend all night driving others around.

Where on earth are two 14 years old going that's half an hour away in the middle of nowhere?!

Send her a PayPal money request 😈

I'd probably have car trouble just to drive the point home not to rely on me myself

This.
I wouldn't leave a 14 year old girl unattended in a cafe or wherever the other suggestions were. Regardless of what I thought about the mother, I wouldn't leave the GF.

Going forward, I would have a conversation with DS (and GF if possible) that it isn't acceptable to assume I can drive her home or that she can just stay over, so a lift back to mine then a taxi home for her, payable at the other end is what is going to happen if mum does it again.

Thank you to all the very helpful posters, you’ve helped me to realise/validate it’s not on and given me a lot of very helpful suggestions, which I will definitely use in future 😊👍💐.

To the others, we live in the arse end of nowhere - in other words extremely rurally.

Get real, would your own son say adios to his GF and leave her stranded in the middle of nowhere at a river (where they had spent the whole day with a group of friends) because her CF mum wouldn’t come and get her? No, I thought not.

Believe me when I say there is NO public transport and there are NO cafes. There’s one pub there and even that wasn’t open!

Driving miles and miles is a regular event for us as it is, let alone being a free taxi service on top of it.

I’ve come to the conclusion there are a lot of cheeky entitled fuckers out there, who obviously think their time is much more important than mine.

It stops here, because when I’ve had enough, I’ve had enough.

Thanks again to the helpful posters !

I'd be careful saying anything to the mum, you've no idea what's been discussed. It could be that she too is fed up of being a taxi and telling her dd to sort herself out or don't go somewhere remote.

Yes her mum is taking the piss. I would bring her back to yours, I would not be bringing her back home. Mum can collect from there. I y d'état and you cant/ won't leave her in random places and don't blame you, but I wouldn't be doing a damn thing extra.

OP, I hear you!

At the very very least NEVER drop her home again.

I too would have obviously not left her on the side of a river but nope, I would no longer drive home.

Be clear with your son going forward.I 👍

Get a map of the whole area, either physically or on screen.

In one colour highlight all the areas that the GF can safely get home from without relying on her mum, ie a 15min walk corridor either side of the route of any bus route that passes within a 15 min walk of her house. Or if there are no bus routes that go anywhere within a reasonable walk then it may just be the radius around her house that is reasonable to walk.

In another colour highlight the areas that your DS can get himself home from and the radius you are willing to drive to collect him.

Their time together can only be spent where those two highlighted areas intersect. If they are too stupid to understand that then they are too stupid to be allowed to date.

I understand how you feel, OP, to an extent.

We also live in the arse end of nowhere - idyllic rural area when the kids were growing up but not so much now they are teens as it makes socialising very challenging for them. Our choice to live here, not the teens, so I'm happy to take the brunt of "mum taxi" to facilitate social lives as much as possible.

Having said that, I have other parents phone numbers and will happily liaise re lifts/half way meet points.

All part of rural living but, OP, set your expectations on the other parent that they need to step up too.

I would have a conversation with my ds and say that whilst you are happy to collect him / ferry them around when appropriate, it’s not on that you have to do a lot of extra miles because her parents can’t be bothered.
Say to ds that when he rings you for collection, his gf should ring her parents too. Like you mentioned, you would never leave her there on her own, but I would just wait until her parents turn up. There may be some training involved - ie you may end waiting an extra hour, but hopefully the other parents will get the hint. If they don’t, then they’ll have to stay nearer to home.