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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Clueless about mental impact of renovations

59 replies

thegreenlight · 05/06/2023 07:51

We are having a (nearly) whole house renovation. Two story front extension, second story built on existing back extension. New bathrooms, windows, flooring, kitchen, roof and plastering as well as building an annex in the garden for my mum (added at the last minute due to the death of my DF). We are 2 months into living in absolute chaos! We have just come back from holiday and that has made things even worse. At least 2 months left. I thought we would be able to live in it and have to as no other options, really. Our camp kitchen is now gone and there is only one room in the house not being touched (boys room). I was so so stupid to underestimate how this would be with 2 autistic children (DS 5 and 10) I work full time as a deputy head and now the build is stretching into August so will be off with it going on. It was meant to be done by the beginning of June. Some on me please be nice to me. I’m a woman on the edge!

OP posts:
WimpoleHat · 05/06/2023 07:54

Can you move out for a few months? It might actually not cost you anything in actual terms; the builder I know we’ll always says it takes a lot longer to do a job where people are living there as you have to plan around them, constantly clear the site etc. And it’s the labour cost that’s the biggie in any project. Could you fins a short let and let them plough on as quickly as possible to the end?

FranticHare · 05/06/2023 07:57

Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt.

Its a head fuck!

No real help. I apologise! Just try and focus on end product…. Easier said than done I know!

towriteyoumustlive · 05/06/2023 08:04

It's crazy stressful!

Just plan lots of picnic days out or visit family! Our kitchen renovation got delayed by a month due to the flooring company messing up so I ended up taking the kids to my parents house for a week as we had no cooking facilities!

Just think how good it will be when finished!!!

Carrusa · 05/06/2023 08:05

It's a bit like having a baby, I don't think it's possible to understand the scale of impact until you go through it.

Lots of solidarity OP. You could look at organising trips (camping? picnics? ) over the summer or some alternative temp accommodation if you are a "fixer" but otherwise it's just one foot in front of the other.

Stripedbag101 · 05/06/2023 08:09

It’s awful - I had no walls at the back of my house for six months!! Builders arriving every day at 7am - sometimes deliveries of skips and bricks and steels arriving at 6am.

no washing machine or heating in the winter.

couldn’t relax in my own home. Builders were brilliant - but it still has a huge impact on everything.

finished now and love the new space. But it was tough going - I would never do it again

LittleBearPad · 05/06/2023 08:10

If there’s any opportunity to move out in the short term or go away once the holidays begin I’d take it. If not then hang in there, it’s crap and hugely stressful.

nicedaydoreen · 05/06/2023 08:10

Yep been through that. broke me and destroyed my relationship with my mother when we moved in with her. I would never do that again. Our next house was a beautiful new build and honestly my mental health massively improved since we moved out of renovation house. Even when completed I had grown to hate it sooo much

MaudGonneOutForChips · 05/06/2023 08:18

Honestly, OP, that’s not very long in the circumstances. For various reasons (rel with builder broke down, stand-offs lasting months etc), we’ve been living in a house being gutted, rewired, replumbed, some parts knocked down and rebuilt, and an extension over two floors, for just under a year and a half. Camp kitchen, continually moving to least uninhabitable room, chaos dust everywhere, rooms full of furniture and belongings from knocked rooms, builders all over etc etc. Two demanding FT jobs and a young child. Garden is a building site. It has been very stressful and strained our marriage.

You clearly planned yours better, or hired a less unreasonable builder. It’s not long more. You can do this.

ItsCalledAConversation · 05/06/2023 08:19

YANBU, you should have moved out.

Its summer. Move to a local caravan site for the next 2-3 months.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 05/06/2023 08:22

This is us. It’s made harder to articulate because it’s such a first world problem but it has been very trying.

We are out a lot (I have three children under five). Parks, picnics, local museums etc. Money on easy food - quiche is a big one here, sandwiches, fruit.

NeedToChangeName · 05/06/2023 08:28

Could you focus on completing the annex first, so you can move in there while work is done on the rest of the house?

TBH, I'd think about moving out if at all possible. I expect builders can work more quickly if you're not living there

LactoseTheIntolerant · 05/06/2023 08:29

It is awful I've been through it twice and would honestly never want to do it again. I think for me an all time low was when I was washing up in bathroom sink and a rat ran over my foot. Rats were getting in through open pipes, even the dog was traumatised and went off his food, which is unheard of for our dog! The house is lovely now but my god it almost broke me!

Soontobe60 · 05/06/2023 08:33

YABU to think you could have such a level of disruption and still live there! I had a new kitchen and bathroom done at the same time, no actual building work, and with just 2 of us it was hell!
Trying to save money by not moving out for a while is false economy. It will take the builders much longer as they will have to consider your safety / needs when working. Plus, the cost of a divorce brought on by the stress is exorbitant!
Can you not move in with your mum until it’s finished?

Write2023 · 05/06/2023 08:36

We abandoned ours and moved back to the UK! Drastic I know but it was that or the asylum. Looking forward to finishing it when I have no kids to look after. I feel for you. Have you got a big back garden? Can you buy a tent and make it an adventure over summer?

bobby81 · 05/06/2023 08:38

This thread is filling me with dread! We're starting renovations next month - wall knocked out, downstairs reconfigured, new kitchen. So not as much work as some of you but I'm still dreading it. Does anyone have any tips on setting up a camp kitchen? (Hope you don't mind me asking on your thread OP!)
OP I'm sure it will all be worth it in the end x

Write2023 · 05/06/2023 08:38

LactoseTheIntolerant · 05/06/2023 08:29

It is awful I've been through it twice and would honestly never want to do it again. I think for me an all time low was when I was washing up in bathroom sink and a rat ran over my foot. Rats were getting in through open pipes, even the dog was traumatised and went off his food, which is unheard of for our dog! The house is lovely now but my god it almost broke me!

I’m sorry this made me laugh because it brought back so many traumatic memories and picturing your poor dog too!

mumda · 05/06/2023 08:42

I worked from home with the roof off whilst the builders buried their mum. I'm sure it was shitter for them.

Stratocumulus · 05/06/2023 08:43

Can you afford a caravan in the garden? caravan living is not ideal but can be done. Especially in summer. Even an old one, so long as it’s dry, would be better for you and yr builders.
Hang in there. You can do it. At least it’s not the middle of winter!

billy1966 · 05/06/2023 08:45

No hell quite like it.

A false saving too as the stress is life shortening.

Can you move in with your mother or get a small short term rent anywhere?

Even set up a couple of high end large tents with comfortable beds, go all out to make it nice for the boys, in your mothers garden?

bussteward · 05/06/2023 08:48

Yes yes yes to annex first: decamp and leave the house empty. Or go literally anywhere else. We’re also removating, though not on the scale of you, and so much time is wasted on moving stuff from one room to another, putting up and taking down dust doors, making bits of the house livable. If we had any wiggle in our budget at all I’d jump ship and leave the builders to it.

Muu · 05/06/2023 08:52

we have had some comparatively modest renovations done to our house and it’s killed my appetite for more, at least for a couple of years! Reading what you’re having done brought it all back, haha.

it’ll be worth it when it’s done op!

Keitharingsbitch · 05/06/2023 08:52

This is absolutely not meant to make you feel bad... It's an I get it post....

I grew up with repeated self builds and renovations from my parents. It was chaos and it's absolutely driven my need as an adult to not live in too much of a doer uper. I totally feel you on how disruptive it is.

I have a plasterer here today and tomorrow I need to wfh for him and he's great I've used him before but I even find that stressful.

All I can say is focus on the end goal. You're nearly there! Do whatever it takes to get through! And that you can afford. You can manage!

whatkatydid2013 · 05/06/2023 08:53

It’s grim but it’s not forever and it will be worth it. We had most of the house gutted in 2021 and it was chaos June - November though we did retain a living room and the girls bedroom throughout, which is a bit easier. If you have family or friends you could visit for part of the summer do it. If I knew someone getting work done I’d happily have them live in our house the week we were on vacation. Would any of your friends maybe do that and then you’d be close by to have an eye on building work but not stuck in the chaos.

gannett · 05/06/2023 08:53

Various friends did renovations before DP and I bought. When we were house-hunting one of my red lines was NO FUCKING MAJOR RENOVATIONS.

Write2023 · 05/06/2023 08:53

@Keitharingsbitch my children would agree 100% with this statement too.

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