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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Clueless about mental impact of renovations

59 replies

thegreenlight · 05/06/2023 07:51

We are having a (nearly) whole house renovation. Two story front extension, second story built on existing back extension. New bathrooms, windows, flooring, kitchen, roof and plastering as well as building an annex in the garden for my mum (added at the last minute due to the death of my DF). We are 2 months into living in absolute chaos! We have just come back from holiday and that has made things even worse. At least 2 months left. I thought we would be able to live in it and have to as no other options, really. Our camp kitchen is now gone and there is only one room in the house not being touched (boys room). I was so so stupid to underestimate how this would be with 2 autistic children (DS 5 and 10) I work full time as a deputy head and now the build is stretching into August so will be off with it going on. It was meant to be done by the beginning of June. Some on me please be nice to me. I’m a woman on the edge!

OP posts:
JustanothermagicMonday1 · 05/06/2023 08:53

If you are off over the summer could you ask to houses it/pet sit for friends whilst they are on holiday on rotation?

Just an idea.

Tonkerbea · 05/06/2023 08:55

Sorry for the loss of your DF, and I imagine supporting your DC's is taking a huge mental load.

Nclktnntt · 05/06/2023 09:01

I have 2 suggestions - could you move in with your mom whilst your house is getting done or If you could move the build of the annex forward and all move into there whilst your house is completed, I would highly recommend either of these. Although the travelling back and forth all the time takes its toll too.

If neither are an option, there's no other way but to accept how life is right now and enjoy it for what it is. Totally not helpful or easy to do but fighting it will only make you and your family more miserable. If we'd got kids I don't think we'd have taken this project on or done as much as we have.

We're doing a complete renovation all ourselves (apart from the extension build which is complete) and we're 5 years in now and still have no bathroom (shower is in the hallway) bare brick everywhere. We have one room semi complete and liveable - luckily it's a large open space living/kitche/dining (without the dining part just now and a bed where that will be) but it's just the 2 of us although , with a baby on the way now (due December). Hopefully will be plasterboarded by Christmas and ready to plaster and decorate early next year.

Things always take longer than planned. Always! We lived with my parents for 4 years - thought 1-2 years max. We've done the extreme and to be honest would have been easier to just rebuild the house, the only original structure left is the 4 outer walls and 2 inner supporting walls. Everything else got ripped out and done again. Even the floor joists (there was subsidence so nothing was level and you could feel it let alone see it - we didn't plan on that much renovation work but as you peel back you find things.

It's hard, you can't keep the place clean, it's chaotic, incredibly disruptive. But for me I'm used to it now and it doesn't bother me, as long as I see progress happening. My friends and anyone who has seen the place can't understand how we're still married and how one of us hasn't lost their shit 😂 I cannot stand the phrase 'it'll be worth it when its done' that phrase always comes from someone who has no idea what you're living in and the extent of renovation work. It will be worth it, but right now, I'm staring at brick walls when I go to the toilet and the bare staircase that's falling apart. We're finally putting the place together again though and its nice to see light at the end of the tunnel - its been a long tunnel where I didn't think light existed 😂

AuntieJune · 05/06/2023 09:02

Sympathy for you here! We've had big building works while I was pregnant (up until due day, lovely) and recent works where they went bust midway through and the first we knew about it was that they'd taken their sign off the scaffold without telling us.

Is there an airbnb house near you that might give you a cheap rate for staying a month or two?

AngelinaFibres · 05/06/2023 09:02

We had 3 bathrooms done one summer. They were all big redesigns that involved moving all the plumbing around. It went on and on. The company supplying the stuff went bust so we had to collect everything n a panic before the shops were locked. The thing I hung on to was that every day was a day nearer the end. That I would never need to do that day again. We had new bathrooms for lockdown. The old ones were so grotty and I really appreciated them as we were at home all the time. Horrible at the time. My husband is autistic and found the mess really really hard. It was worth it but if we do it again we will move out for the duration.

brownbin · 05/06/2023 09:04

We built a small extension on to the back of our home when we had a newborn and toddler. It was absolutely fucking awful and I cried every single day. Lots.

I swore I'd never do it again. Yet here we are selling up to move somewhere that needs 10x the work and extension!

It does end and it is shit going through it. End product is (probably) worth it.

Laiste · 05/06/2023 09:12

Yeah. Been there too and never again.

Over time and over budget. Pandemic and price rises and DH (builder) health problems.

We spent the first 2 years living in a bedroom while we built a house around a house. We ate, watched TV and slept in the one room.

Our house is massive now and the bits we've finished are beautiful - everyone wowed by it ect. but there's loads more work to do and we're heartily sick of it sadly. But we have to plough on. If i could go back in time i'd do something different!

MsRosley · 05/06/2023 09:13

It's hell. Hugs, OP. It will be worth it in the end.

Laiste · 05/06/2023 09:25

My personal lowest point was when the old kitchen ceiling (with works going on above it so open to the sky above) fell in during a thunder storm at night in the middle of winter.

Knocking down internal walls and all the mess and noise and dust and chaos was almost a monthly event at one point. I've learned that even if you hang plastic dust sheets floor to ceiling everywhere like a forensic crime scene and literally tape all the internal doors shut the dust from knocking down walls still always gets everywhere in the end.

I did/do my best to carry on and make life normal for the kids. If anyone remembers the Carry on up the Khyber dinner scene - a lot of our meals were like that 😂Oh Daddy's just smashing down the hall wall darling - just pick out the biggest bits of plaster and eat your veg up 😂

Laiste · 05/06/2023 09:26

MsRosley · 05/06/2023 09:13

It's hell. Hugs, OP. It will be worth it in the end.

If i had a pound for every time someone's said that to us 😂

Flowers
weightymatters73 · 05/06/2023 09:28

You need to look at local air bnb's and hotels....it's not sustainable to live in it.

weightymatters73 · 05/06/2023 09:28

Or buy or rent a caravan and live on the drive for a bit.

londonrach · 05/06/2023 09:32

It's awful ...I remember getting water from our outside tap as we no water inside and kind neighbours letting us shower . . Op can you rent a small something somewhere else for a month. On the plus side I love our house now and it's amazing to be in and I almost forgotten the pain. It's worth it in the end. Xx

Peridot1 · 05/06/2023 09:32

My sis and BIL did a huge renovation on their house and had to move out. They bought a caravan and lived in it in the garden. They sold it for what they paid for it so it really didn’t cost them anything. Could that be an option?

throwa · 05/06/2023 09:39

We bought a static caravan and lived in it for 18m with two children whilst the builders went to town on the house (lots of demolition, side extension, double height double width back extension, new roof, rewiring what was left, new baths and kitchen, plastering, floors, decorating etc. Think Grand Designs and you won't be too far off). The static cost us about £2k once I sold it on afterwards, it had double glazing and central heating and was adequate for the job. The washing machine / tumble dryer stayed in the house, even though I have 'fond' memories of wandering around the building site at night with a torch in the depths of winter trying to work out where the builders had moved them to this time!

I will never do it again - the low level stress is constant (and I deal with stress quite well), and I cannot imagine how we would have all stayed in the house at the same time. Are you able to get a caravan / air bnb / local rental? The builders will be able to crack on much faster without you there and having to tidy up each night.

Prettypaisleyslippers · 05/06/2023 09:40

Nearly broke me, never again. Can you relocate until it’s done?

in the meantime a microwave, toaster and kettle can create meals, use paper plates

Icantthinkstraight · 05/06/2023 09:47

It's sooo stressful, yes to moving out if finances allow.

Caterina99 · 05/06/2023 09:48

It’s awful. We moved in with my parents, which was its own level of torture, and moved back out as quick as we could once the major work was done!

Even the few weeks of having a new kitchen fitted have put me off any more work anytime soon - all the building works had been done, and we have a utility room that I was able to set up as a very functional kitchen, and I was still just over it.

OP see if there’s anywhere you can stay while the work is being done. Family? Caravan? Friends? Even if just a week at a time. It should be faster too as having people living in the house slows it down.

stitchy · 05/06/2023 09:55

It's hell as you live through it but will be well worth it in the end. We did the same with our 2 boys and they never want to eat at Ikea again as a result (but it's great for cheap meals if you have one close by).

Try and find something you can all do together in one room that fun/bonding such as going through a film series or a video game etc, we played Mario Kart Team Battles (all on the same team so no fights) every night and we still talk about it fondly now a few years later. Whilst the weather is nice is there any way you could camp together in the garden for a night here and there?

It's a total nightmare but it will come to an end. Also paper plates and cups if you're washing up in a bowl filled from the kettle balanced on top of a washing machine

DinoDaddy · 05/06/2023 10:09

It is probably worse for your poor neighbours.

WheresSpring · 05/06/2023 10:22

Oh @thegreenlight - been there and done it twice….never, ever again!! You have my absolute sympathy. August is really not too far away, just get through each day - the first day with no builders is GLORIOUS, and you’ll be so relieved and happy to have got there. As others have said - can you borrow a friends caravan for the garden so you can have some clean/sensible relaxing/cooking space? Or any possibility of sticking up a bell tent? If not in terms of cooking you’re prob stuck with bbq or microwave pasta or rice with microwave sauces - they’re not too bad!!! It will be ok, but yes it’s bloody hard.

Stripedbag101 · 05/06/2023 10:34

DinoDaddy · 05/06/2023 10:09

It is probably worse for your poor neighbours.

Yes it has an impact on neighbours - noise and dust. But it’s not worse😂😂. Don’t be silly.

the neighbours just don’t get the rewards at the end.

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 05/06/2023 11:04

DinoDaddy · 05/06/2023 10:09

It is probably worse for your poor neighbours.

Came here to say this. Living next to something similar just now. Just buy a bigger fucking house to begin with??

Original poster
thegreenlight · 05/06/2023 11:31

Our neighbours have just had 6 months worth of work done with horrible builders who ripped up our fences and patios. They were living in their old house at the time so I definitely suffered more than they did. Fair’s fair. I love our location and if I bought my house here with what we are doing it would cost me double!

OP posts:
Laiste · 05/06/2023 13:31

Our nearest neighbour is 68 meters away (i know that from when we checked for planning permission re: nearest neighbours window 😊) and from the outset they've been encouraging and interested because we're physically doing nearly all of it all ourselves.

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