To not want a relationship?

[InTheMoonglow]

I know it's not exactly unreasonable, as who cares? But I would love to hear if anyone is similar.

I have an adult DD who now lives overseas with her partner, we lost her dad when she was 10. Since then I haven't married but been in a relationship for 15 yrs, which is now ending. It's amicable, but glad to be getting out of it.

Thing is, I have never really been motivated to hitch up in a marriage or romance, even when I look back to my early teens I never really 'got' what other girls were looking for, the whole needing or wanting a man thing. I am heterosexual and do like sex, but I am not really motivated or arsed about it all. If I envision a perfect future I am self sufficient and surrounded by friends, people I love, immediate and extended family, pets, etc.
I'm not asexual but sex and men don't fill up my head or bother me much. And for this reason I find it difficult to relate to other women who are putting up with crazy shit for the sake of love, but I realise I am an outlier.

I am now approaching 50, and would prefer not to do it again. I know this is my prerogative and that it's ok, I take care of myself for personal reasons and look pretty good but I can't give a shit what men think. I think in our heads, in our society, we are just set up to care, to imagine life with someone in a typical relationship. Am I alone though? I know one woman who is similar but does keep getting entangled against her better judgement.

Thankfully we live in a time where there is little pressure to conform, but I see so many around me still do, often out of need for companionship (which can be found elsewhere) or security. The security part is the most insidious i feel.

Would love to hear of people like me who just aren't into it all and would love a life unattached yet with meaningful relationships and personal happiness.

I’m with you! I have been single just short of two years & I really love it. I won’t ever live with anyone again.

ALL my group of friends are in unhappy relationships (FB/insta tell a different story of course). Constantly moaning/affairs etc. I just couldn’t do it. Putting up with all that crap because you haven’t got the courage to better your life. I just don’t get it.

I’m 54 this year. I last dated in 2017. When it hit me, why am I putting myself through this again and again? This is the longest period now I’ve spent single in my adult life and absolutely no intention to change that. When covid hit I was so happy I was single. Having to live with any man 24/7 would have killed me. Ditto now many people wfh. I do and wouldn’t want a man spending all day here too. Plus now I sometimes think about retirement and again, I don’t want a man under my feet!

Relationships have always taken more from me than they have given. Partly my own fault. But I just love my life now. I’d say very occasionally I get a mild pang of loneliness. It’s not often. Certainly not enough to change my mind. And my former relationships had plenty of horrible moments I wouldn’t wish to relive. You can feel lonely in a relationship too and that’s worse.

I have adult DC that I have a great relationship with, my cats, family and friends, a lovely home, a reasonable income. I don’t want or need anything else. Once I made the decision I was going to stop pursuing a relationship, it was like a weight lifted. I felt more free.

I’m nearly 50. Got my own house with a small mortgage, a good job, DD, hobbies, a fab group of friends, a dog.
I have a partner, but I am not moving in with him or the other way around. He doesn’t even have a key to my house. He is the person I do nothing with. He is most and foremost a friend.
We met up last night after work for a walk along the beach, I wanted to see the sunset and the strawberry moon, the dog needed walking and he texted me with some news. I suggested he joins me so we can hash the issue face to face. We did, we arranged to spend our day off in the week together and then we each went home. None of the drudgery of living together, we see each other because we choose to. I don’t have to worry about feeding him, tidying up after him or him encroaching in my space. And neither does he. We text each other several times in the day, we are each other’s next of kin.

But my life isn’t entangled to his. At any point we each can go home to our own remote controls and fridges and beds. I enjoy my solitude and independence.

From time to time he says he wishes we lived together. And I sweetly remind him that he can, at any point, if he only wants to live for one more hour.

I’m not doing it. Ever again.

@BuddhaAtSea I think this would suit plenty of people if finances allow - it just doesn't seem to be the socially expected norm. Certainly it's what I would pick if ever on my own again- someone 'in your life' but not necessarily your whole life. I think many (not all I know) older men become quite needy of your time and expect to be waited on and looked after if I'm honest if you live together

I'm a transwidow and still living with H as friends and looking after DC together but not a romantic couple.

Had counselling a while back and described to the counsellor how my dream was to have my own independent life and definitely no more romantic relationships. She said that was really sad and indicated she saw that as a problem and the healthy way would be to get on online dating and get myself fixed up with a new man. Really pissed me off and I ended the sessions not long after.

H seems to be obsessed with finding a bloke and seems to think it would make his life complete and feels I am a bit sad. I find that funny and I think the reality of being in a relationship with a man in the "woman" role will be a real rude awakening for him if it ever happens!

I've had my kids, there won't be any more and I'm financially secure. What would I need a man for?

I agree OP. I broke up with my last one a few months ago (we had only been together a year). Other than sharing my space I started to realise he was rubbish at doing stuff around the house and he never had any money. It would have been like having a child in the house again. Before him I was really happy and did loads of fun activities.

The weight gain that usually comes from having a partner is rarely worth it.

I don’t feel like you do OP but I sometimes wish I did!
I get way too in my head over relationships and take them way too seriously!
When I get hurt emotionally, I feel it very deeply and it’s exhausting!

Nothing strange about having a lower sex drive than whatever the statistical average for your age group is. People fall on the spectrum from: everyday twice on Sunday, to once in a blue moon on a rainy afternoon to don't care at all.

There are men out there who are far from nymphos. Some will even admit it if they are not influenced by macho, chase the tail culture.

I love the fact that now we can see the voting is closed, which gives us a clue that it isn't a recent thread. Makes it easy to spot!