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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset and not know how to respond?

45 replies

Celia24 · 04/06/2023 11:06

I have a bit of an alternative hobby as a comedy improviser and I've been in training since just before the pandemic and picked it up again in the last 7 months.

Once you've finished training it's important to start booking shows. My teacher contacted me 2 weeks ago asking me to join a team and do a show. I said yes and asked her to let me know about rehearsals etc. I also cancelled other plans to put the date in the diary.

Today I followed up as the show happens soon and she tells me she's sorry but the team have already rehearsed and probably best I miss it this time? She said had been ill and apologised profusely for not telling me.

I feel really upset about this and don't even know how to respond. I've known her for 4 years and performed in her shows before so I don't want to burn bridges.

OP posts:
Successstory82 · 04/06/2023 11:08

When is the show?

Successstory82 · 04/06/2023 11:09

She said had been ill and apologised profusely for not telling me.

surely that’s the end of you feeling peed off

Hermanfromguesswho · 04/06/2023 11:11

She made a mistake, she’s really sorry and has apologised. I’d put it behind you. Tell her it’s ok, you understand how it happened but that you’d really love to do a show so please can you be on the list for the next one? And I’m sure she’ll prioritise you!

JulieHoney · 04/06/2023 11:11

She’s sorry and told you so. I appreciate you are disappointed.

How to respond? “Oh, damn, I was so looking forward to it. When’s the next one so I can keep preparing?”

Original poster
Celia24 · 04/06/2023 11:13

But she was able to organize a rehearsal for the other people in the team after asking me to join. And I asked her to let me know when it is. So how ok is it really?

I even told her I'd need to miss another important commitment and she thanked me! It's too late for me to go to the other thing now

OP posts:
Newusernameaug · 04/06/2023 11:14

Celia24 · 04/06/2023 11:13

But she was able to organize a rehearsal for the other people in the team after asking me to join. And I asked her to let me know when it is. So how ok is it really?

I even told her I'd need to miss another important commitment and she thanked me! It's too late for me to go to the other thing now

She obviously forgot about you and has apologised.

what do you want to happen?

Successstory82 · 04/06/2023 11:14

When you feel shut, you don’t tend to remember everything!

When is the show op?

RegainingTheWill2023 · 04/06/2023 11:14

Accept her apology and enquire about next one? Go to the show to learn from what others are doing and to show support.
I can understand you're feeling disappointed and hurt but if uouve no reason to think it's anything other than a genuine mistake just move on.

Successstory82 · 04/06/2023 11:14

Shit

nahwhale · 04/06/2023 11:18

She said had been ill and apologised profusely for not telling me.

Cut her some slack fgs. She is a human being. She's been unwell and has realised she's made a mistake. She's apologised profusely. What more do you want? Are you expecting us to all slag her off?

nahwhale · 04/06/2023 11:19

Celia24 · 04/06/2023 11:13

But she was able to organize a rehearsal for the other people in the team after asking me to join. And I asked her to let me know when it is. So how ok is it really?

I even told her I'd need to miss another important commitment and she thanked me! It's too late for me to go to the other thing now

These things happen.

Original poster
Celia24 · 04/06/2023 11:21

She's been posting lots online this week while on a trip in London. She didn't look very ill! I think she has asked me to do this, I've agreed and she has totally forgot

The issue is that new team will have rehearsed and be sort of formed now. I think in future I'll be better off creating my own team with others and joining the shows that way. It is disappointing.

OP posts:
nahwhale · 04/06/2023 11:22

I think in future I'll be better off creating my own team with others and joining the shows that way. ok do that.

Aprilx · 04/06/2023 11:22

Celia24 · 04/06/2023 11:13

But she was able to organize a rehearsal for the other people in the team after asking me to join. And I asked her to let me know when it is. So how ok is it really?

I even told her I'd need to miss another important commitment and she thanked me! It's too late for me to go to the other thing now

These things happen. You are blowing it out of proportion. Keep in touch and get on the next one.

Jibo · 04/06/2023 11:23

Are you worried that she just didn't want you in the show? If so, I think you need to ask her face to face to be honest with you.

Otherwise, chalk it up as one of those things, and move on.

Write2023 · 04/06/2023 11:24

That’s showbiz don’t get mad get even. Good luck 🤞

BallandBoe · 04/06/2023 11:24

I understand how you can be hurt by this - and your feelings are totally valid.

But this was clearly a genuine mistake, and she has acknowledged that and apologised. She is human. Yes, when she was well enough, she put the team together, and she forgot that you were wanting to be included.

You feel extremely bad about what happened but you also need to acknowledge that she probably feels terrible too. Please give yourself permission to drop this. No point in you nurturing these feelings and theres even less point in trying to bring her down as well.

Please move on.

NeedToChangeName · 04/06/2023 11:27

Pick your battles wisely. Smile, accept the apology and keep your views to yourself if you'll be working with her again

Successstory82 · 04/06/2023 11:28

When was the show meant to be???!!!!

Anewuser · 04/06/2023 11:29

Nah, I don’t buy that.

She asked you to do it, then found someone else to take your place because they were better/cheaper/more experienced/her friend (any number of reasons). She didn’t have the balls to tell you and is now apologising profusely because she’s been caught out and may need you again in the future.

I’m not surprised you’re hurt, I would be.

mainsfed · 04/06/2023 11:29

Did you know the date (you say you cancelled something else so think you knew the date).

She should have told you but sometimes it’s not enough just to tell people ‘let me know’, you have to be proactive and chase.

I know it’s not right but it’s the way things are.

Also, why didn’t anyone else in the group tell you? It’s good to keep in contact so you don’t miss out in future.

Original poster
Celia24 · 04/06/2023 11:29

Yeah I think this is what I'm wondering @Jibo especially as someone newer to the scene. On the other hand she surely asked because I've done one before with her.

I don't feel I could actually ask her without looking like a drama llama and cutting off future chances.

OP posts:
Original poster
Celia24 · 04/06/2023 11:31

@Anewuser in a couple of days time photos of the show will be released, so if I was replaced by another person I'll know about it.

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt but I have suspected similar.

OP posts:
Successstory82 · 04/06/2023 11:32

Celia24 · 04/06/2023 11:31

@Anewuser in a couple of days time photos of the show will be released, so if I was replaced by another person I'll know about it.

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt but I have suspected similar.

Ok so the show is tonight. And you knew that.

In the two weeks that you didn’t hear anything from her, you never once chased? Other than today. The day of the show

Original poster
Celia24 · 04/06/2023 11:35

@Successstory82 I had a friend visiting until yesterday which has been full on.

When I first asked about rehearsal she told me they'd do their best to arrange one but it might not be possible and if might be a 'show up on the night's scenario for a quick warm up. I assumed this is what was happening.

You're probably right I should've followed up and accept that. But it doesn't change her actual actions in not letting me know.

OP posts: