Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To hold this against him?

29 replies

toomanyjugs · 04/06/2023 10:15

My DH has always been pretty relaxed about work (he's a teacher). But recently he's basically doing nothing. He was just telling me he has hardly any work the next month and they want him to organise a school trip but he has already though of a lie that gets him out of it. He also marks books while teaching lessons and often is on his phone while teaching etc.

I have got the ick over it I think. He's fine at home. It's not teaching - he openly says he hates work, doesn't want to work, and whatever job he did he doesn't seen the point of doing the best he can and he just gets paid whatever. He thinks the game is to the least amount poss without getting sacked.

It's all good at home generally. He loves his own kids and spends lot of time with them. But I just get the ick when listening to that.

I work hard at my work and earn quite a bit more than him. Always on the look for the next step up. He is v supportive of me and sometimes even a bit pushy for me to work more and apply for extra stuff.

AIBU - is it really nothing to do with me? It doesn't really affect me. But I just go off him when he talks so proudly about how he's getting away with doing nothing

OP posts:

billyt · 04/06/2023 10:18

I feel sorry for the kids he is supposed to be teaching. How would he have got on if his teachers had had the same attitude?

He's just another lazy bastard and hopefully he'll be found out very soon, and before he lets even more kids down.

I'd be embarrassed by him to be honest.

HoIIy · 04/06/2023 10:42

If he's hardly got any work though, that's another story. Why has he hardly got any work? Are the kids now just there for revision? And he's there in case they need to ask anything? It depends on the circumstances. If he's supposed to be teaching yes he's a lazy bastard. If he's just there to supervise and be there in case hes needed then whatever passes the time.

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 04/06/2023 10:44

Does he actually do his main job, teaching , and does he do it well?

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 04/06/2023 10:48

I wonder (and this is purely conjecture) if he's actually pretending. Because your job is successful, you're the higher earner and very driven, and he knows he can't match your earning power or drive, I wonder if he's saying 'yeah, I'm just cruising, I hardly work at all, put no effort in,' as almost a way of saying 'If I actually worked hard, then I could earn as much as you, but I don't so I'm not'.

Because although teaching is in an absolute shambles, if he's really as lackadaisical as all that, I'd be very surprised if his kids are actually passing any exams, and he hasn't been managed out.

aSofaNearYou · 04/06/2023 10:48

I think if he had a different job to teaching, I'd think very little of it. It's the feeling that he's letting people down at an important time that makes it feel like a big problem.

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 04/06/2023 10:51

How would he feel if your DC had lazy teachers that meant they received a poor education and didn't get to do school trips?

Would he be ok with that?

Would you?

My kids are at exam time now and the difference between the exams they head into having had a good teacher and a bad one is astonishing. On subjects with bad teachers, they come out wrecked having to face questions on topics they'd not even covered in class and that knocks their confidence for other exams they then sit.

I wished I'd known how slack some of their teachers were prior to this stage, but it's only as you're nearing the final hurdle that you realise that the syllabus hasn't been covered (or just skimmed over) and the effect that has on the pupils.

No wonder you're ashamed of your H, I would be too.

billy1966 · 04/06/2023 10:53

Yea, I would definitely get the Ick.

He has zero respect for himself and that would make him really unattractive to me.

I have come across a couple of teachers like that in my time.

Wasters.....and the students know it.

Unfortunately they really have a negative impact on students and parents end up paying for extra tutoring as a result.

I would be so embarrassed to be with someone like that, who was evidently so proud of it.

Ick.

AgnesX · 04/06/2023 10:56

There have been crap teachers since the beginning of time and fortunately for pupils excellent ones too. 30+ years later I remember both.

The doing enough to get by isn't unique to teaching though. Everyone knows who those people are and quietly think less of them.

tallcypowder · 04/06/2023 11:03

Teaching 5 classes a day of 30-36 kids os draining. I meam unless all y11 which would be very unusual. It does sound like a lie or his school is pretty bad.

tallcypowder · 04/06/2023 11:05

*is and mean!

Daleksatemyshed · 04/06/2023 11:07

I'd lose respect for him Op especially when he encourages you to work more. If he ends up losing his job you'll have the Devil's own job getting him to find another, he'd be happy at home all day doing very little

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/06/2023 11:09

I do hope he gets put onto cover for the most challenging classes in the lower school for the rest of term now.

Original poster

toomanyjugs · 04/06/2023 11:18

I think him being a teacher makes it worse. But I think if he was doing any job and putting this little care into it I'd find it unattractive but maybe that's my own thing? He says I need to get off my high horse when I suggest the game isn't doing as little as possible and tells me that for vast majority of people that's exactly what they're trying to do...

He is pretty damning about other teachers. Telling me it's perfectly easy to be home early every day and never work from home and teachers just like to be martyrs

OP posts:

Daleksatemyshed · 04/06/2023 11:27

For getting off your high horse he means stop making me look lazy. I think you having the Ick is very reasonable

billy1966 · 04/06/2023 12:12

The being a teacher with that attitude does make it worse.

Encouraging you to do more and increase your load, is disgusting.

NetflixAndGin · 04/06/2023 12:28

Had to reply to this one. I'm a teacher and it has - at times - nearly ended my relationship because of how much of myself into my work. It gives me the ick too that a teacher is behaving like that. His kids deserve better. You deserve better too by the sounds of it. A work-shy partner is never appealing.

Newestname002 · 04/06/2023 12:30

@toomanyjugs

You say his attitude to his work doesn't affect you - but it does. He's less attractive to you as a partner surely? How can he justify not doing better for the pupils he's responsible for?

Also:

Be careful he doesn't just pack in his job and then financially rely on you to continue to work hard and be responsible for the family's finances because you are working harder, bringing in most of the money. I doubt someone this unmotivated/lazy would take up more if the home admin/chores instead, even if you agreed to it. 🌹

towriteyoumustlive · 04/06/2023 12:34

What age group does he teach?!?!?

I'm a teacher and quite horrified by anyone who has such a lousy attitude to teaching. Not much to do?!! WFAF!?

I've lost half of my classes now (Y11 and Y13) but am using the time to update all my lessons, study the other half of the A Level syllabus, organising some extra curricular stuff etc... Not to mention all the end of year test marking.

I walk 8000 steps a day whilst circulating round the classroom each day!

I would be horrified if my own kids ended up with a teacher that didn't give a sh*t and certainly wouldn't be attracted to this sort of person! He needs to find himself a different career that he can be passionate about.

TedMullins · 04/06/2023 12:36

As a teacher then yes this is problematic if the pupils aren’t learning anything with him. But on the whole I agree with him. I have a pretty decent career and earn well but my general attitude is to get as much money for as little work as possible. I’m not saving lives and my job won’t love me back.

FurryPelmet · 04/06/2023 12:44

I’m a teacher who usually doesn’t even get time to go to the toilet so I’m interested in the details here!

I genuinely can’t imagine any teacher with an average class of 30 students regularly sitting down and ignoring them while he marks. That’s outrageous. Children complain fast when teachers aren’t doing their job. I’ve been a Head of Dept and pupils were quick to get their parents to ring when my department weren’t marking and returning work quickly enough or if teachers allowed lessons to get disrupted.

So…I’m going to guess that he mainly teaches A-level and his timetable has shrunk massively now that nearly every one of his classes is off because of the exams. Usually these teachers get given the bulk of the cover lessons and it’s perfectly possible to mark in those. That right?

If not, it’s also possible to mark in lessons where older students are getting on independently but only if he’s immediately available for help when they need it. At a push, he could mark while the students are doing an end of term examination (though really he should be invigilating).

Is he saying he does this all year round? I’d be really concerned if he was teaching in my dept. He’s obviously lazy and proud of it but the worst thing is it impacts others beyond himself: he doesn’t care about doing the best for the children. Really poor from a teacher and I see why you view them as off putting character traits. I agree!

Original poster

toomanyjugs · 04/06/2023 12:47

@towriteyoumustlive yeah, it's the extra curricular stuff he is lying to get out of. He says he's been a teacher 15 years he has his lesson plans done and dusted and just wheels them out each year...he doesn't understand what teachers are doing with their time and he does his marking while teaching which doesn't sound v beneficial to the kids. I don't think there is a career he would be passionate about.

OP posts:

thelinkisdead · 04/06/2023 12:52

toomanyjugs · 04/06/2023 12:47

In a way I agree with him; why should teachers do extra curricular stuff outside of directed time? I’m sick of the attitude that teaching is a vocation and we do it for the children; I do it for the money, but also because I enjoy it and I’m good at it and this is where I don’t think YABU because there is something a bit ick about someone who doesn’t take pride in their work. Is he not bored? I’d find that lack of challenge so dull and depressing to be doing day after day after day!

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 04/06/2023 13:15

What year group/subject does he teach? While his attitude sucks, primary can be very different from secondary and not all subjects are equal either.

For example, in many primaries , teachers are expected to mark as they go especially if working with one group. As a TA I'm expected to do the same. If we have time we catch the independent groups during the lesson(ideally) or those are the books that are left to mark after. In some lessons /subjects I can do all the books myself (if I was the one teaching for example or if the teacher went to a meeting towards the end) for various reasons, this does not mean we're lazy or shirking our duties.

honeylulu · 04/06/2023 13:18

His attitude is appalling and I can see why you find it unattractive. There's a range between bare minimum and total martyr but he's proud not to aim above bare minimum. My school days were over 30 years ago but I clearly remember the teachers who could be arsed and those that couldn't. (One used to just get us to copy text from the textbook into our exercise book every lesson while she sat and read a book! She then took early retirement and her replacement was phenomenal - our enthusiasm for the subject switched on overnight!) I expect he feels quite smug as its hard to recruit for teacher positions so he feels sure they won't performance manage or sack him. However it does happen - saw it happen last year at my daughter's primary school to a long standing very lazy teacher. She often refused to teach during covid as her "WiFi wasn't very good" and disappeared entirely for two weeks because she moved house and "needed to unpack".

Sarahtm35 · 04/06/2023 13:20

I don’t blame you it would give me the ick too.
im quite traditional. I gave birth to the children, I raised them and so I’ve always expected my husband to work hard to provide so that I can be there for the kids.
I have no issues with roles being reversed but if my husband expected me to do what you’re doing and then brazenly said he couldn’t be arsed It would be a massive turn off.

Flip

1 2