AIBU to let DD have her hair cut short ?

[SecondhandTable]

My DD will be starting reception in September. She's always had short hair, a bob. Then when she was 3.5 she didn't even like it like that and wanted it cut super short like a pixie cut type thing. She loved it, although people frequently mistook her for a boy, but often she didn't seem to realise and even when she did, she wasnt bothered. A little while ago she told me she wants to grow it, so we've left it and she just gets her fringe trimmed now and again. Her hair is a mullet but the hairdresser said best to just leave it whilst it grows out and she'd tidy it up before she starts school. DD is now already fed up with her hair and says she wants it cut very short again. Relatives are telling me that I shouldn't let her have it cut, that people will think she is a boy, that when she goes to school I'm setting her up for bullying etc if I send her with such short hair, and also telling DD not to get it cut (to which she says no Im going to!). Friends haven't said anything either way when I've mentioned it, so I don't know if they agree but too polite to tell me?!

Would I be unreasonable to let her have it cut short again if she wants to?

Of course you're not unreasonable. It's your daughter's hair, she's not been bothered before when people have thought she looks like a boy, and she wants to get it cut. None of your interfering friend's business!

If she wants it short then get it cut short

Seems like a no brainer to me

I think this is sad, in my day at school we had all sorts of hair styles and lengths, no-one would ever have thought you were a boy or gay just because you had short hair. I wonder why this has changed?

In general I think this is an easy question: everyone should get autonomy over the length of their own hair, especially since mistakes are in any case self- correcting over time.

Your DD is very clear about what she wants, and it's her body, so give it to her.

Let her OP! A lot less hassle for you in the mornings too

Of course you should let her. How cool she knows what she wants.

I'd love it if DD wanted to cut it short. She had a lovely little pageboy cut I gave her when she was 3 but now she wants to grow it and grow it shd every school day is a faff of brushing and complaining and plaits and lost bobbles.

My daughter had a pixie cut all through primary school and was often mistaken for a boy, but she loved it, and so did I. She is now 19 with long curly hair. Both styles suited/suit her because it was/is what she wanted at the time. Let her choose her own style.

You should absolutely let her cut her hair. Your relatives are being very silly.

It’s her hair so her choice. Chances of getting bullied in reception and it sticking through school are very small, so if kids do comment and she wants to grow it she’s got plenty of time. If kids comment and she doesn’t give a crap what they think, even better. Show her that you are happy for her to be her

Of course you should let her.

My dd started primary school with a pixie cut (not by choice in our case) and was completely fine. No bullying etc. The only people who loudly mistook her for a boy (even when she was dressed in super girly clothes) or said things like "I think it's so much NICER when little girls have LONG hair" to her 🙄 were full grown adults. Kids didn't care afaik

If that’s how she wants it, just go with it. Honestly, she’s in a very select minority of under 5’s who are at all bothered or making any personal choice for the second time at such a young age. With so much personality, she will be fine

My boy has gorgeous hair past his shoulders and is starting reception in September too. He likes his hair and doesn't want to cut it. Tbh he does get mistaken for a girl but that's mostly because he has a very pretty face. I won't force him to cut it until he wants to. I'd let her have the cut if she wants it.

She is actually very 'shy' (read : anxious) with new people/in new situations, so if I've made her out to be some kind of confident extrovert, that wasn't my intention. Basically she just can't be bothered/dislikes the faff of washing, drying, brushing, so wants it cut off so there's less of it all. So not an aesthetic thing at all if that makes sense. Which I think is absolutely fine obviously. Was just curious if everyone else around me thinks otherwise, as I can literally think of two occasions in the past 5 years when we saw a girl somewhere in a playground with a similar hairstyle. And I remember them well because we all noticed, including DD who was very excited both times to see another girl with hair like hers. So I guess even then she was aware that it wasn't common but I suppose she didn't care (which is great as far as I'm concerned).

Thing is though, I've seen absolutely loads of boys with long hair, lots of people we know personally have had boys with long hair too, it's much more common than a girl with what is seen as a 'boys' haircut. People used to call DD a boy even when she was wearing a dress, which I always thought illustrated it well, that people would think it's more likely she was a boy in a dress, than a girl with hair like that, that's how uncommon it is these days!

But I'm glad he has his hair as he likes and that you support him in that.

If she is shy and anxious really reiterate that she will possibly be the only girl in the whole school with short hair and is she OK with that?

If she is then brilliant- let her do what she wants to do, I had excessively long hair until I was 12, it was to my knees and I had it chopped to a pixie. I just remember feeling so free and settling into a more outgoing personality which was more "me". It felt like the hair had been holding me back.

My DS is in a growing period, he tries really hard to grow it, like he's alice cooper/in an 80s hair band- then hits a hot day and chops it off. I think he might make it this time though. Its different as he's a boy and long hair on boys isn't as unusual....but hair grows and don't let your hair make you unhappy (or DD in this case)

I seriously doubt the kids will care or bully her about it in reception, and if they do you address it with the school, don’t force her to conform to ridiculous gender stereotypes. One or two children might wonder if she’s a boy but will no doubt learn she’s not, especially if she’s wearing a “girl’s” uniform. In my experience 5 year olds aren’t bothered about differences or hair anyway, it’s adults that get their pants twisted about it. If she wants it short let her have it short. My daughter’s hair is pretty short, albeit not quite pixie cut short, it’s way easier to manage than when it was long and she likes it. She’s the only one in her class that doesn’t look like rapunzel and none of the children or parents have ever said anything about it. I couldn’t care less that certain elderly relatives (with short hair themselves) keep lamenting how beautiful her long hair was, she’s a person not a barbie doll.

Let her choose- she's already given very good reasons for wanting it short.

For perspective, my dd at that age would NOT care about another girls hair. She may have commented it's short (didn't know any girls with short hair) but wouldn't have an issue with it at all. I'd hope your dds school would not have an issue also.

I think your family are coming from an 'old fashioned' background but it's unfair they say she should have long hair/ not have it cut to her. I suppose you could use this to your advantage though and teach her how to respond so she's had practice if anyone ever said anything in the future (granted kids can be cruel).

Only other thing is you could offer her a head band or hair clips if you are worried and feel it would impact her state of mind if another child/ teacher thought she was a boy- although boys wear hair clips nowadays so who knows?! Everyone has the right to choose and I'd encourage this regardless of age/ sex / beliefs etc.

Just support your dd in her choice.

Of course you should let her cut her hair short if she wants!

Your relatives sound annoying and shouldn't be going on about it. Would they accept being told by other relatives that they should cut their hair differently than they want to, I wonder? It doesn't matter if random strangers think she's a boy - nobody who'll know her will. They say you're setting her up for bullying (the solution to bullying is not to change everything about yourself that anyone might make the target), but they want to set her up to make choices about her body based not on her own wishes and desires, but on the (perceived) wishes and desires of others, which is much more harmful. That's an awful message to send to a young girl.

Yes, of course. It's brilliant that she knows what she wants and isn't bothered about what others think. Short hair is so much more practical for kids.

When I was a child most kids, boys or girls had fairly short hair and in the Asian country my parents are from most primary age girls have short hair as well as it's just more practical. I was really surprised when DD joined school that not a single girl in her reception class had short hair. The shortest was chin length.

Her hair. Paranoia about bullies is silly

I agree! I'm nearly 50 and had short hair a billion and one times when I was a kid and no-one cared or mentioned it. No-one cared when my kids were small when my sons had long hair. It doesn't matter and should be her choice as it's her hair. Have we really gone backwards on this one?!

Get a hair magazine or just Google/ Pinterest short hair styles - the hairdresser will be able to restyle it if you tell them your concerns

It is natural to worry as parents that we make the right decision, but if your daughter wants short hair do let her, it will grow if she changes her mind. We have just been through this, people raised eyebrows at me when my daughter said we were off to the hairdresser to get her hair cut really short, her sibling even tried to persuade her not too. However she stuck to her guns with the hairdresser making a great short cut. She was worried that her friends wouldn't like her but she really wanted it. She has had loads of compliments about her hair, from friends and family and also total strangers when out and about. As for her classmates one said he didn't like it but she was still his friend and the rest said they like it. Hope all goes well.

My boy is like this too. In a country where its very uncommon. There are only two boys in the entire school with long hair.
But its different to OPs problem, because long hair can be cut instantly if the boy gets made fun of and wants it cut all of a sudden. Hair obviously grows back, but it takes much longer.
If she really does want to cut it then i would let her of course. You should definitely cut it before she starts school, because if its long first and then cut very short, it will draw even more attention.