Moving to a mainly white area?

[TTCNumber3uk]

I am a single white female with two mixed race children. I have the opportunity to move to a very affluent area however having looked it up, the demographics are 98% white and I’m hesitant to move my children to an area where they will be massively in the minority and not have the opportunity to be part of a cultured society or, to be simple, to see others that are the same as them. I don’t want them growing up feeling othered, if that makes sense?

just looking for thoughts/opinions

I can only speak from my own experience

I live in an affluent part of town and I am black with black children. Whilst people are nice enough and I haven’t had anyone be malicious to me or my own children- there is a vibe I feel often when we are outnumbered and my children have mentioned comments and attitudes they have experienced in school.

I can imagine it being somewhat easier to tolerate if your children are mixed as I find often mixed race people and children can integrate easier than a full black or full Asian child as being mixed often means you can chose what you would want to identify as, and depending on your characteristics; may be able to pass as Caucasian- but it’s still a concern.

My dd (white) goes to a school that is largely white, I think there a handful of children with Asian heritage and 2-3 students who are black. Her best friend is mixed heritage (black dad, white mum). From what I've observed race isn't openly spoken about or picked up on but the other mums always leave best friend out of every all class party claiming not to know who she is, the teachers overlook her for school events. I see subtle racism in the way they treat best friend which I'm sure wouldn't be there if it was a more diverse school.

Thank you for your inputs, girls, this is exactly what I’m worried about. It also doesn’t help that we are what those of affluent backgrounds would class as ‘common’ in the way we talk etc.

it makes me incredibly sad that I have to question giving my children a gorgeous home in a safe and beautiful town because of the issue of subtle racism

Ideally I think it is important for your dc to see/engage with plenty of people who look like them too. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here really though.

Demographics change with time. Where I live used to be predominantly white it's now almost entirely Asian. Don't let something that may never happen (racism) affect your decision to move to an area.

We are literally the only "black in the hood" but our neighbours are lovely and kind. Our school is in a predominantly white area but surprisingly diverse -probably due to being a faith based school. So maybe research if there are any schools that might be more diverse.

This is a great idea; thank you!

We are black in a predominantly white area. The school mums are lovely to me and my DC and the school is great in terms of how they and I are treated.

However the way we get treated outside of the school “bubble” is something else. We have been spat at, called names at the park, refused a table in a pub with an empty dining area, etc

We live 37 mins from London Bridge so hardly anyone the middle nowhere but it is an affluent, very white, area and it’s very clear that we are not necessarily welcome.

Unfortunately I have experienced racism all my life so I perhaps am better able to deploy my thick skin but it is heartbreaking when I see my girls’s faces.

That said, we chose to live here because it is lovely - green, clean, we love our home, good schools etc. I would therefore say don’t let racists stop you from giving you and your family a better life.

Grow a thick skin, find your tribe and avoid places where you are likely to come face to face with out and out bigotry.

My children are doing well at school and turning out to be resilient and well informed on racial matters. There have been tears, there have been nights when my husband and I can’t sleep for anger but overall we love where we live and we are good and respectful and responsible citizens so I feel no guilt or that I should shrink myself or my kids. I deal with what happens when it happens and maybe one day it won’t be like that.

Church has also been a lovely safe haven for us and we have a lovely mix of friends across all races.

I agree with PP that it might be easier for you as you’re mixed as opposed to pure black or Asian.

Best of luck. Give your children the best life you can and ignore the bigots (or cry at night when the children are asleep 🫤).

Agree with PP - spend a lot of time looking at the schools as that is where they will spend most of their time day to day. Ask questions and ask for copies of the bullying and diversity policies / read them online - they can be informative.

Spend some time in the area on a weekend and get a feel of the vibe. Consider high school as well as they may have to travel alone when older etc.

Mixed race here and went to a school that was mostly black and had issued being ostracised on both sides at times. Hopefully they can make some mixed race friends who knows how it feels to be between worlds.

I agree to speak to the school and to other parents if possible. I think the teachers' attitudes speak volumes and I suspect at DDs school they hold pretty ingrained racial stereotypes.

*hardly anywhere in the middle of nowhere, sorry

We are white and moved to a white area (East Sussex) a few years ago. I have come across casual racism in a way that takes my breadth away here. I could never recommend people of colour moving here, and may well move ourselves back to a more diverse culture when our youngest finishes Secondary.

Definitely steer clear and move to a diverse area OP. im black and I grew up in London but my (single) black mum took us on holidays to predominantly white areas all the time and I felt really out of place and uncomfortable and we did experience some racism, that had always stayed with me.

it’ll be even worse for your kids to live somewhere like that full time and also because you yourself are white so you’ll never be able to relate to what they’re going through, and there will probably be a lot of subtle racism you don’t even pick up on even with the best will in the world.

We live in a VERY white area.

I am white.

My foster children are literally the only black kids at their secondary school.

This comes with many issues and lots of casual racism.

My white friends don't believe there is any racism around. However, they don't see it as they aren't in a situation where they would encounter it.

Don't put your children in this position!

I am brown married to a white guy and have a mixed race son. We live in a very white town. My son and I are treated very differently when it's just the two of us. Everyone is definitely nicer when my husband is with us. We are very conscious of being the only people of colour in certain situations.

At soft play the other day, some kids were causing a ruckus in the same area as my son and only my son (the only brown kid) got yelled at by staff. He wasn't even near them!

We ( DS and I ) were waiting in line for the bus. In a long line of white men, waiting our turn and this lady starting screaming into my face about blocking the sidewalk. I asked her why is she screaming at the only brown person in the line and not anyone else. She just stalked off, swearing.

And my husband and I were shopping, in the queue waiting our turn to pay. He was buying stuff for a friend and needed a separate receipt so he paid first. The cashier was lovely to him. Lovely conversation and super friendly. When it was my turn she grunted the price at me then threw my purchase on the counter.

My list does go on, this is just what happened in the past week.

The casual racism is always there. Just lurking. It's worse when it hits you when you least expect it. I'm trying to prepare my 5 year old to deal with it. He has other mixed race friends around his age that will hopefully be a support system when he's older.

All the best to you and your girls.

Don't put your children into that position. Am black my husband is white obviously mixed race kids the area is predominantly white the school is very mixed/ faith school. I don't feel like I get treated differently at all but hey this is a very cosmopolitan city so I don't rely on people in our neighbourhood for friendship. But they're friendly enough no problems at all. My kid's friends are mixed , both black and white mainly white well the youngest is a baby . She's never had any racial problems. I just don't expect anything from anyone as I have my own tribe already. If you know what I mean.

This is an awful post, not because of you, but because you have to consider this.

I'm white and have lived in both a very multicultural city and a very white affluent village.

I'm not a racist so absolutely was happier living in a diverse and multicultural environment. I wouldn't just move to an area because it is affluent and has nice amenities. You're right to consider the people you will be surrounded by. The community will influence the quality of your life.
I'd be looking for a liberal place with lot's of people who can celebrate differences. If you can afford a nice house in an affluent area imagine what you can afford in a more liberal area.

However, equally if you want to live there, you are fully in your right to do so and shouldn't let racist people stop you. They might learn a thing or two from you.

This thread is awful. I have had the same thoughts. Live in London currently, however cannot afford it and looking to move before DC is school aged. My childhood was good - mixed area, mixed school never had any issues.

In terms of what is affordable it would be outside of London & I have been very concerned about some of the things raised on this post. I appreciate this isn't everyone's experience but just saddening to know that the only way to afford somewhere to live would be to move somewhere where children may be more likely to experience these things.

Where is this white affluent place? there is a huge difference between, say, St Alban's Vs Harrogate Vs Cambridge.

School is an important factor, agree with the previous poster about checking out the school.

Hi OP. I am Asian, DH is white and I have two now University age mixed race children. I moved out to a rural affluent area some years ago. On the whole I think it has been good for me and good for my kids. We have made a conscious effort to connect them with their roots and holidays have largely been used to help do this. There have been plenty of contacts with the Indian side of the family. We have seen some areas of casual racism- but not as much as we did see in cities we lived in. We also had some issues with what we called "human doll" syndrome. In junior school my youngest son was, well frankly a bit of a bugger. However, his dark skin and good looks gained a response from teachers along the lines of yes he is naughty..but he is ssoooo lovely. Not helpful! and we had to make this point. Generally though IME I love where I live, the people are kind and the kids have good friends and have had some great experiences.

I wouldn't but thats me personally I mixed race and dcs father is black. I would never live outside of London

No don't do it. I've seen a lot of racism both overt & hidden in the mostly white area I grew up in it was not pleasant. My cousin's kids are going through it now.

Presumably that's because you like London not because of potential racism though?

I live in a predominantly white town and have three close friends whose children are mixed race . They have never experienced any racism towards their children who all went to the local primary / secondary grammar schools .
I am meeting one of my friends tomorrow and I will ask her directly if any of her children ever had any problems but I think she will say no because I am sure she would have said something to me over the years .
Another friend has a mixed race Grandson who is in reception and he is absolutely thriving and love football club that he goes to on Saturdays . He definitely is a very happy little guy .