Moving to a mainly white area?

[TTCNumber3uk]

I am a single white female with two mixed race children. I have the opportunity to move to a very affluent area however having looked it up, the demographics are 98% white and I’m hesitant to move my children to an area where they will be massively in the minority and not have the opportunity to be part of a cultured society or, to be simple, to see others that are the same as them. I don’t want them growing up feeling othered, if that makes sense?

just looking for thoughts/opinions

Can you spend time in that area and see how it 'feels'?

Mixed here but you wouldn't know it unless you saw me with my parents. One white parent and one very dark Asian. I look asian but when I've been to that parents home country I don't 'look' like I belong as still a very different colour to them.

Our suburb as kids was very white with lots of trades and some commuters. I would say there wasn't much overt racism but the mix clearly bothered people in those days. My mum had been called a race traitor before I was born in a much more diverse area up the road. I was called a half caste as a child. When the bnp members addresses were leaked I discovered a fair few local addresses. I actually feel more 'other' with people who look like me as I only share skin colour and nothing else.

A lot has changed in my 40+ years. I've chosen to raise my family where I grew up. Still very white for a London suburb but has changed. My children look like me as does my husband though his background is a different country, religion and culture from either of my parents. I can sit in a room where I look like I belong and not understand the language and culture and feel my difference. My dd goes to a school that is probably only 1/3 white. Although she's not white she similarly to me doesn't share anything in common religion or culture with those who are also not white. I do think it's good that we have people who look like us around but that doesn't make them our tribe if you know what I mean.

NC for this. My sister (white) married an Asian man 30 years ago. We grew up in a fairly diverse area (suburb of Bradford) and my sister and husband set up home in Bradford. They experienced a lot of racism from the Asian community which worsened when they had two daughters attending a predominantly Asian school. The kids experienced a lot of abuse. They made the decision to move to a fairly white area, and while there were instances of racism, it wasn't as openly hostile as from the community in Bradford.

There is no diversity where I live, in a small village with a population of about 350. An Asian family moved here about 7 years ago and lasted for about a year before moving back to the nearby city. I'm an immigrant, as is dh, but we're both white Europeans and we were warmly welcomed immediately, the Asian family weren't. There were absolutely no racist incidents, nothing you could even say "Why did you do/say that?" to. But it's usually a lovely, community spirited, friendly village that simply decided not to show any of that to the new residents. If I were you I'd choose a more diverse area.

I’m black and my child is black - I wouldn’t do it.

Don't do it. I'm mixed race. My teens are white. We live in a predominantly white area, although it has become more diverse over the years.

Stick with a culturally diverse area and school.

This is heartbreaking OP. I am so sorry that anyone has to deal with this crap - it’s 2023, for goodness sake.
I was thinking that maybe your lovely family moving into the area would start a quiet acceptance and reduction in racism, but from some of the previous replies, it seems this isn’t generally the case.

But But But the UK is not racist!

Just coming back to this as I also realize that my dd's best friend probably gets more inquisitive attention too, not just being ignored by parents but asked more about her hair, her background etc from her friends. I don't think it comes from a bad place necessarily, it's because her school friends have genuinely rarely seen someone who looks like her, so have questions, but I would imagine these microaggressions must get tiresome and make her feel othered

I wouldn’t do it. I’m white British and my child is mixed heritage British/black South American.

I just wouldn’t want to be somewhere where being non white marked a child out. However progressive and liberal the place is.

TBH this is why I am very unlikely to ever leave London.

There are white places and white places and some are more progressive and tolerant than the kind of white Brexity seaside dumps. But even in the very progressive places there’s still a feeling of tiptoeing around difference which I think would be hard for my daughter.

My Dc are mixed white/Indian and we live in an predominantly white area.

They 'pass' as white and I and their Dad have to work at reminding them of their heritage

@Cyclebabble the human doll thing here too! DS is gorgeous and knows how to get away with murder at school (he's 9) also half Indian, half white (Nordic).

I have a (white) friend with a mixed race daughter who moved to Dorset - beautiful cottage - and lasted 3 years before coming back to London. She never felt like her daughter fit in, and it was incredibly parochial and monocultural. She just didn't want her to feel different and have to experience the micro aggressions she was experiencing. My partner is black (though I and DS are white), and he always says he'd never leave London for somewhere else in the UK.

Darjeelingrose, I complete agree with you

We live in Scotland, our little town is majority white but our estate has about 2 black families and 2 asian families aside from us. My dd1 has remarked that she would like to go to a school with more people that look like her. We've explained that skin tone should never determine who your friends are but she's 7. I overheard them use the word 'paki' towards each other last year and asked where they had heard it. My son said a boy said it to him, he was 4 and at nursery at this point. I myself have not experienced any blatant racism but being 'othered' yes I have. If I could I'd move to my home town in a heartbeat but dh was born and raised in Scotland so there you go.

I wouldn't make the move if I were you.

We are white, living in a predominately Asian area. I have had to consider this looking at schools as I want a healthy mix that is representative of the city, not of our suburb. Consider looking at staff photos on school websites and driving outside a local primary and secondary school at home time to get the vibe. I plan to do this - the school near us has a mix of cultures not just e.g. asian TAs/lunchtime supervisors and white teachers for example or vice versa.

I have lived in a predominantly white area for the past 15 years. We are black and my kids are 2 of 5 black kids in the whole primary school. My kids have never reported anything that suggests racism or prejudice of any sort at school. I get the odd stare when I go running in the neighbourhood, maybe its my big African bum or my Afro.😁 As someone pointed out demographics change over time. The way I look at racism is that as long as someone is not causing any physical harm or saying anything to me then that's their own problem. Of course it's different if kids are being bullied. I have been to other parts of the country on holiday and you walk into a restaurant and you can feel there is an atmosphere but I love a challenge so I will stay as long as I can.😁

If it is Sandbanks then I would look elsewhere. I am mixed race and have mixed race DCs. I know the area well, and I wouldn't move there. There are plenty of very lovely people there but it is not diverse in the widest sense of the word and I have experienced some of the worst casual racism over the years there. If you have to move for work I would look at one of the bigger urban areas where there is likely to be a broader multi cultural vibe.

I have a mixed race DC and wouldn't move somewhere there wasn't significant diversity. Part of the reason we live in London. We moved from Essex 7 yrs ago because we felt that covert racism at work and just out and about.

I've found my kids will be the poster kids on prospectuses to highlight diversity. My kids friends are the ones who are also minorities, either because they aren't from the small place we live in/ not stereotypical for their gender. As the kids get older it's lovely seeing different ethnicities come into the school

Definitely don't move to Dorset if you're concerned about racism!

Omg I actually can’t believe people behave like this. I’m so so sorry and angry to read this. I am from a small Welsh valley and am white so I have never experienced this but I am sickened people are like this. Hope you are your girls are ok xx

I wish I had even considered racism when I moved out of London. I’m black and so are my husband and kids. It’s predominantly me and the kids that do life up here though as husband is always in London for work.

I am currently keeping two of my children at home as the school they go to have blatantly discriminated against me over another white parent. I don’t even know what I’m accused of all I know is that I’ve been threatened by said parent’s husband and the school are basically taking their side. It’s all very lonely as everyone you talk to is connected and white so you’re not sure if you will get a genuine unbiased response/help.
Culturally I miss ‘my people’ and the comfort it brings the diversity of London I realised I had taken for granted. It wears thin dealing with the casual racism that if I’m honest really hadn’t experienced till now. I’ve had lots of encounters of people telling me what to do or not do things that have really crossed boundaries. Moving to the ‘country’ has really not been all it’s cracked out to be.

Do your research and make sure you have a thick skin and teach your kids the same.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. And I know moving isn’t easy.

This thread was upsetting to read and I fear things will only get worse as the government has tacitly approved racism.