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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you respond?

29 replies

Freckles978 · 03/06/2023 18:53

My MIL keeps asking me if I will be returning to work after I have my second baby (currently pregnant). I will have two under two, so she knows I will be busy, but she is worried about whether I will be returning to work.

For context, she doesn't help us at all with childcare, but helps my partner's sister twice a week. MIL also had two under two and left work to look after both of them.

I told my partner that his mum is being hipocritical, and that next time she asks I will be responding with something.

What do you suggest I respond with?

I don't want to sound rude to her, but I'm sick of her being annoying.

OP posts:
thesnailandthewhale · 03/06/2023 18:54

Perhaps she is going to offer to help with childcare if you do?

Namechangeed · 03/06/2023 18:55

Why is she worried?

FetchezLaVache · 03/06/2023 18:56

Not what you asked I know - but if you're not married to her son, no question you should be going back to work! Smile

Smallfry79 · 03/06/2023 18:56

Why not just respond with the truth whatever that is?

ArgosKettle · 03/06/2023 18:57

My first guess was she was curious as she wanted to possibly help with childcare also…unless I’m missing something?

TeaKitten · 03/06/2023 18:58

Just tell her the truth, why wouldn’t you? You’ve not said what negative things about it she’s saying so it’s hard to say if she’s being hypocritical or not.

Mbop · 03/06/2023 18:59

Say I'm not sure are you offering to help so that I can, if she says no say well in that case it'll be DH staying at home!

Cherchezlafemme77 · 03/06/2023 19:00

Just answer her question? It's a normal thing to ask.

WateryDoom · 03/06/2023 19:01

What are you doing? Why don't you just tell her?

It feels like drama for the sake of it.

Amispringy · 03/06/2023 19:01

What's the issue OP

Is it a loaded questions from MIL?

Tell her the truth, why would that be rude?

BranchGold · 03/06/2023 19:03

Yeah, I’m not getting why you don’t want to answer, be that yes/no/not sure yet.

Original poster
Freckles978 · 03/06/2023 19:04

Sorry I think I missed this out.

I keep responded with the truth - that I am going back to work. She just keeps asking it over and over again.

She loves way too far, and will not be offering child care, she is just being nosy. She helps my partner's sister all the time, but not us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Freckles978 · 03/06/2023 19:05

Lives**

OP posts:
GoodChat · 03/06/2023 19:06

Ask her if theres a reason she keeps asking as she knows you are?

ArgosKettle · 03/06/2023 19:07

Well if she lives too far then I’m assuming that’s why she isn’t as helpful and hands on as she could be in comparison to your sister in law. Not sure why you keep making a point of that if you have admitted there’s a valid reason why.

sounds like your insecure honestly as it’s a question; I can only imagine you don’t like her asking as you don’t intend to go back to work and your worried about the backlash. But that’s your issue, not hers. Do what’s best for you and your family.

BranchGold · 03/06/2023 19:07

Then I’d just respond with ‘Same answer as the last time you asked MIL - nothings changed in our circumstances.’

fluffypinkclouds · 03/06/2023 19:07

GoodChat · 03/06/2023 19:06

Ask her if theres a reason she keeps asking as she knows you are?

This. "MIL, I'm wondering why you keep asking me this as I've already said I am. Thats not going to change."

Namechangeed · 03/06/2023 19:08

So does she want you to go to work or not?

I'm confused with why she cares so much

SheSaidHummingbird · 03/06/2023 19:10

"No, I'm not. More tea?"

CindersAgain · 03/06/2023 19:10

If you don’t like her that much, and she lives a long way away, then how is she getting to ask? I’m wondering if you could drop some phone calls or something.

TeaKitten · 03/06/2023 19:15

Freckles978 · 03/06/2023 19:04

Sorry I think I missed this out.

I keep responded with the truth - that I am going back to work. She just keeps asking it over and over again.

She loves way too far, and will not be offering child care, she is just being nosy. She helps my partner's sister all the time, but not us.

So what’s hypocritical? What’s her response when you say you are going back to work? And what’s your issue with her helping SIL when she lives too far away to help you anyway?

2bazookas · 03/06/2023 19:20

Just say " I haven't decided yet" and leave it at that.

You don't owe her any explanations or time table.

Itsanotherhreatday · 03/06/2023 19:22

Ask ‘Why do you keep forgetting MIL? I’ve explained I’m going back to work, do you want me to write it down?’

laceydoily · 03/06/2023 19:22

Itsanotherhreatday · 03/06/2023 19:22

Ask ‘Why do you keep forgetting MIL? I’ve explained I’m going back to work, do you want me to write it down?’

haha! THIS

Original poster
Freckles978 · 03/06/2023 19:31

My issue is that she left work after having her second, and she asks this question in a way as though she is worried if I left my job.

I don't mind her helping SIL, but when we do see her, she does not help, and also kicks up a fuss if we do ask for help.

OP posts: