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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Screeching Work Colleage

63 replies

TullamoreDew · 03/06/2023 10:43

I work in a lovely office with really nice colleagues, doing an interesting job for a cracking boss. All nice, gentle atmosphere..

But…

There is one woman, a 20 something, young wife and mum to an almost 2 year old who is raising my stress levels to 11.

She is just so loud. Excruciatingly loud. She works 6am to 3pm, the morning is her busiest so she is quiet as she gets through the worst part of the slog, and I understand that she is excellent at her work. But come the afternoon she starts screaming, shouting, singing. Rather like an excited three year old at a party.

She has a quite senior position and a very responsible portfolio, dealing with sensitive and challenging situations. Feedback from her manager is excellent. I don’t think she has any issues, I don’t know how to word this sensitively, but she comes across as a normal intelligent person. Until about 2pm and then she starts making loud screeching noises, usually as a reaction to something on an email or after she has put the phone down.

She screams at people as they walk past her desk, calls them silly nicknames in a loud high pitched little old lady voice. Exactly like an overstimulated child high on blue smarties and cola.

My reaction is visceral. It rockets my stress up to the roof. I find it hard to focus. I’ve tried wearing ear pods but her cackling and screeching cuts right through. I feel panicky and close to tears after it has gone on for while.

I have asked a couple of others how they feel about it and apart from one who feels the same as me, everyone else seems to be able to blank her out. Her line manager sits very close to her and doesn’t seem bothered at all.

I presume it might be a result of parenting a young child, disturbed sleep, early starts, I don’t know but it’s awful. Really awful.

OP posts:
nachotemple · 03/06/2023 10:45

have a chat with your manager - ask to be moved to the other side of the office, or ask that they ask her to keep it down a bit. Also get some decent noise cancelling headphones that cover the whole ear.

Darkstar4855 · 03/06/2023 10:47

She may be neurodivergent.

Why not just try having a conversation with her and asking if she can just keep the volume down a little bit as you need to concentrate on your work?

HelpMeGetThrough · 03/06/2023 10:48

Conversation with her line manager, who then needs to tell her to keep it down and stop acting the twat.

Bodenesque · 03/06/2023 10:50

My office has a sign reminding people that teabreaks are when they chat, a little brutal but it was to deal with a serial talker

JudgeRudy · 03/06/2023 11:00

I find it interesting how we have to find a reason for her behaviour. Yes it's a bit different but is it so odd to knuckle down and 'get stuck in' then relax as the day goes on.
Having said that, I guess I'd have to hear this 'screaching' to make a full 'assessment'. Clearly it's upsetting you but no-one is suggesting that's because you're used to a quite home/live alone. You're just different. I do however think there needs to be an agreed expectation of what's acceptable in terms of noise. I don't listening to the radio at work but on Fridays that's what happens. I try to tweak my work to suit this schedule. I find it amusing/ironic though when if I chat I'm told to quieten down so others can concentrate, however I can't concentrate....coz the bloody radio is on!
Have you tried asking her why she 'does' those voices?

TheFireflies · 03/06/2023 11:06

Darkstar4855 · 03/06/2023 10:47

She may be neurodivergent.

Why not just try having a conversation with her and asking if she can just keep the volume down a little bit as you need to concentrate on your work?

Didn’t take long.

Neuridivergence doesn’t generally mean that someone who is capable of working quietly suddenly loses it and starts behaving like an annoying child. I’m ND and know many other ND people and this isn’t typical at all.

OP I couldn’t tolerate this level of noise so I’d have a word with my manager in your position. Someone needs to have a gentle chat and ask her to keep it down.

CrumpetsandJammmm · 03/06/2023 11:13

God, that must be so annoying. We have something vaguely similar with a colleague in a similar close knit, friendly team and it’s driving me up the sodding wall. The problem is I think it’s more a personality issue than anything else - and how do you complain that a particular part of someone’s personality annoys you?

I wish I had a suggestion but am mainly just sympathising!

Pringleface · 03/06/2023 11:23

I used to work with someone like this and it was hugely annoying. The singing, attention-seeking clattering of stuff around, the cackling and shrieking if someone she was friendly with stopped to chat. Honestly, I wanted to kill her. I feel your pain.

ShimmeringShirts · 03/06/2023 11:41

You’ve a damn sight more self restraint than me. I’m extremely sound sensitive, I’d have shouted at her to shut the fuck up and act like a grown adult by now.

GreenWheat · 03/06/2023 11:45

She's behaving inappropriately for an office environment. Definitely raise this with your manager.

chocolateisavegetable · 03/06/2023 11:52

Speak to her manager, but could you take your lunch break at 2 until it’s sorted?

Cherrysoup · 03/06/2023 12:27

I would definitely have said something by now, this would drive me crazy. Have you tried speaking to her screaming at her to stfu?

MissMogwai · 03/06/2023 12:34

I couldn't cope with that one bit. I'd have to say something to her about it and then if she carries on speak to manager.

It might be an awkward conversation but the alternative is you flip out and beat her to death with a keyboard. 🤷‍♀️

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/06/2023 12:36

I suspect I’d find it very annoying as well. I’m also quite sound sensitive.

Im not sure what you can do. Can you speak to your LM?

NDXrays · 03/06/2023 12:44

TheFireflies · 03/06/2023 11:06

Didn’t take long.

Neuridivergence doesn’t generally mean that someone who is capable of working quietly suddenly loses it and starts behaving like an annoying child. I’m ND and know many other ND people and this isn’t typical at all.

OP I couldn’t tolerate this level of noise so I’d have a word with my manager in your position. Someone needs to have a gentle chat and ask her to keep it down.

Neuridivergence doesn’t generally mean that someone who is capable of working quietly suddenly loses it and starts behaving like an annoying child.

It actually can mean exactly that for some ND people. (Not saying that this one is).

I’m ND and know many other ND people and this isn’t typical at all

Also ND. If you meet one ND, you've met one ND. What happened to that saying and that there's no 'typical' ND?

MrsJellycat · 03/06/2023 12:45

I used to work with someone who was like this but would tell others to 'ssshhhh' if anyone else made any nojse.

I used to tell her to please keep her voice down, and if she told anyone else to be quiet I'd remind her that she was actually the loudest person in the office.

Stupid, selfish cow

WandaWonder · 03/06/2023 12:48

Being able to stick a label on it does not make it easier to cope with it, address it like any other issue

CedezLePassage · 03/06/2023 12:50

Close to tears is an extreme reaction. Are you sensitive to noise in other situations?

ForeverFailing · 03/06/2023 12:54

TheFireflies · 03/06/2023 11:06

Didn’t take long.

Neuridivergence doesn’t generally mean that someone who is capable of working quietly suddenly loses it and starts behaving like an annoying child. I’m ND and know many other ND people and this isn’t typical at all.

OP I couldn’t tolerate this level of noise so I’d have a word with my manager in your position. Someone needs to have a gentle chat and ask her to keep it down.

This sounds exactly like I can be at work. I’m older than this lady. I have ADHD and yes it can look exactly like this in some people.

TheFireflies · 03/06/2023 12:56

ForeverFailing · 03/06/2023 12:54

This sounds exactly like I can be at work. I’m older than this lady. I have ADHD and yes it can look exactly like this in some people.

So for just the last hour every single day you’d behave like this with no insight into your own behaviour?

in any event, even if she is neurodivergent (and people do like to jump to that on threads here every time someone is behaving unreasonably), it’s not an excuse to disrupt other people and someone needs to speak to her about it.

HoldingTheDoor · 03/06/2023 12:57

You have my utmost sympathy. I would go absolutely insane. It'd trigger all of my sensory issues too(I have autism). I do think someone needs to have a gentle word with her.

SerafinasGoose · 03/06/2023 12:58

I'm pretty noise averse. Sometimes when I'm deep in concentration, especially when reading, I can tune it out like radio static, but to work with this every day would drive me to distraction.

I'm not sure why the 'neuro-divergent' argument is trotted out so often on threads of this type. A lot of people just can't help emitting noise - a lot of it - and think if there's a silence the world will end unless they interject their voices into the middle of it.

Incidentally, neuro-divergent people who are averse to noise and over-stimulation would likely struggle horribly with this. If the sauce is good for the goose ...

I don't enter my communal office, or get on a train (of late a particularly annoying environment) without noise-cancelling earphones. Buds won't cut it. I'd ask her to keep it down in the workplace next time she starts, and keep earphones as a back-up. If it carries on despite her having been asked politely, then it's time to escalate it.

I wouldn't mind betting you're not the only one intensely irritated by this.

Florissant · 03/06/2023 12:58

Darkstar4855 · 03/06/2023 10:47

She may be neurodivergent.

Why not just try having a conversation with her and asking if she can just keep the volume down a little bit as you need to concentrate on your work?

Because neurotypicals are never annoying.

PragmaticWench · 03/06/2023 12:59

I'd try speaking with your manager and/or her manager. It's clearly affecting your work and your wellbeing.

I'd also wear noise cancelling earphones.
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NDXrays · 03/06/2023 13:00

Also just to say, even if she's ND, it doesn't mean everyone else has to suffer because of that. She needs to understand her behaviour is affecting others in the workplace so she has to adapt and tone it down.

It would cause sensory distress to me too OP as I'm extremely sensitive to sudden/loud noise or sound. Worse if it's a regular and persistent occurrence.