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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to do the normal 30 minute desperate tidy up before dh gets home from work

55 replies

Minkus · 20/02/2008 17:27

I just don't think I can be arsed

But the breakfast bowls are still hanging about, I've not loaded the dishwasher, pyjamas are scattered asunder, toys strewn willy and indeed nilly, and there is at least 2 weeks worth of clean washing on the dining room table

FIL is coming round tomorrow to do some odd jobs around the house (lovely man, he's been so helpful) involving drilling and painting/filling walls etc and dh will be a bit annoyed if the place is a tip for him

(should point out that dh is picking ds up from nursery on his way home, I went on a short shopping trip with my mum and have been lazing around on my ample buttocks since I got home at 2)

OP posts:
LadybirdG · 21/02/2008 11:01

ooh I thought I was a slattern until I read this I work 3 days a week but on the days I don't work, DH does (IYKWIM)

As soon as I get up, every day, I empty the dishwasher as breakfast is made. Then, I can just bung in the pots throughout the day - takes as much time as putting on the kitchen worktop, no?

Toys, I tidy when it gets too much for me to bear - usually "ohg DS are you playing with that train now? I'll just put the 4750 cars away..."

I whizz around with the duster & hoover /clean bathroom etc and when DH comes home, DC are usually eating and I've just finished tidying up!

Anally retentive, moi?

To be fair, when I come home from work, DH has been doing washing all day, usually some DIY and feeding the DC, so I usually walk in from work to a tidy(ish) house

mummoomin · 21/02/2008 11:11

Oliveoil...sahm deserve a day off now and again too you know, if someone goes to work they get holidays, breaks, time out. Being a sahm is a 24 hour seven day a week thing, 245 days a year...and when people talk about it so lightly as if it is easy work, well, shoot me, but it makes me angry.

Oliveoil · 21/02/2008 11:27

well it is not really 24/7 now is it as you do sleep surely (albeit not as much as you would like)

I don't relish clearing up everyones crap but realise that when I am off noone else is going to do it

so better to do it than look at it all day tbh

Tatties · 21/02/2008 11:41

I don't do a mad tidy when dp is due home, no

I don't like mess but the house does get messy and dishes pile up - and housework is not my priority when looking after ds. If the day goes well I can get some things done, but if not the state of the house reflects that.

It probably pisses dp off sometimes (indeed it pisses me off) but he understands and doesn't see it as my job. If I go out and leave ds with him I don't come back to an immaculate house

bossykate · 21/02/2008 11:44

oliveoil, i agree. i would not be a happy bunny to come back from work to find breakfast dishes still in the sink. and being a sahm is not a 24/7 job.

bossykate · 21/02/2008 11:45

and actually i don't find it hard to keep on top of things during the day - i just tidy as i go. obviously it's different if you're ill or have a newborn.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 21/02/2008 11:46

pmsl at Grouhugs pie with a horn in the middle
Desperate Dan!?

marina · 21/02/2008 11:46

We both WOTH full-time so have a mutual understanding that whoever is at home with the children (eg during the hols) keep on top of the domestic chaos. As a courtesy to the other person...sure, some days it all goes a bit pear-shaped, but that's our aim

marina · 21/02/2008 11:47

I think you can achieve Eliza's mum's objective with judicious sprinkling of Lego and felt-tips
Dishes I can't leave, tbh

princessosyth · 21/02/2008 11:48

Thank god it is not just me! Hooray!!

Oliveoil · 21/02/2008 11:49

I tidy as I go and then at about 6pm ish all crap is shoved back where it belongs

then I have a tidy room for the evening

when dh is off (rare) with the girls, I come home to a tidyish house

or if he has made a den for them and taken over the room he says "oh don't go in the playroom, it is a dump, I will sort it after dinner"

I work 3 days and on my days 'off' (ha!) the house is fairly tidy when he comes home - to a cooked meal, natch

50/50 in this house, no slacking about

bozza · 21/02/2008 11:54

Agree with bossykate and oliveoil and marina.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 21/02/2008 12:19

I agree that it is my job to do the housewok as DH works much longer hours.
Although he knows there are times when I've been really busy or ill and let things slide -so he does a bit when he gets in.

Today however I was up at 3am making him coffee and packing his bag for him to go away with work so I deserve to be a bit lazy.

chocolatedot · 21/02/2008 12:27

I make sure our house looks exactly like I would want it to look if I came home after a long day at work. Dinner is always ready with the table laid and all the uniform and lunches are ready for the next day. Obviously there are toys and so on about but I would never in a million years have unwashed dishes / unmade beds etc. I know I would absolutely hate to come home to that myself.

mumblechum · 21/02/2008 12:28

When my dcs were small & I was working pt I'd always have the house reasonably tidy and dinner on the table for dh.

Even little kids have naps/go to nursery/can be plonked in front of the telly for 20 mins while you load the machines or hoover up.

My dh was never bothered whether the house was tidy or not, but as someone else said, if they've been working and commuting all day, it's not reasonable to expect them to be washing the breakfast dishes etc.

Prufrock · 21/02/2008 12:38

I'm with the tidy up gang too - Keeping tidy (now I have a 5 and 3 year old) is my job. I try to make sure that everything is sorted when dh comes home,and kids are in the bath ready for him to get out and get dressed/read stories to. BUT, I do it because I want to, not because dh has ever told me that he expects me to, and if as occasionally happens in holidays, we have dashed out immediatley after breakfast to do something fun, and get home before dh but exhausted, he would not dream of criticising the fact that the breakfast dishes were unwashed on the side, or that his dinner was going to be a takeaway. I am entitled to days off as a SAHM, but I'm not entitled to take the piss.

IdrisTheDragon · 21/02/2008 12:38

On the days when I'm at home (WOH 3 days a week) I try and make sure that things are clean and tidy when DH gets back.

When I am WOH, as I get back earlier than DH (leave earlier as well) I will try and do any tidying necessary. As DH gets DS and DD up in the morning and normally tidies up most chaos they all create, it's only fair if I do my bit when I get home.

Although yesterday, I fell asleep when putting DS to bed and DH arrived back to find us snuggled up together (and did a bit of tidying himself).

I see DH and me as a partnership - things get done by whoever it makes more sense for at the time.

chocolatedot · 21/02/2008 13:35

I worked full time for the first few years after having children and so now being at home really appreciate the luxury of time. I get far more of a "break" during the day as a SAHM than I ever did when I worked.

HonoriaGlossop · 21/02/2008 15:20

I'm not letting my DH see this thread He will want to marry some of you!

chocolatdot, I do think that depends alot on the child as to whether you feel you get more of a break at home....I really do. My job previous to DS was as a social worker in a children and families team, dealing with child protection as well as other issues, travelling all the time, long distances, and working from about 8am to 8pm every day. Even that, while monumentally stressful and tiring, I found gave me more 'break' than being at home with a real livewire of a child.

Yes, he had a nap in the middle of the day but that was simply time for me to attempt to put toys away, sort washing, and get dinner prepared for the evening, oh and have a bite of lunch.

I do agree that tidy as you go is necessary for whoever is caring for the kids, but some days with ds that was all that got done apart from caring for him and playing with him....he had a noise phobia so no hoovering for me! As others have said, it's teamwork and DH helped when he got in with other stuff. He never would have 'expected' all to be perfect and tidy and dinner on the table etc...

Tidyng as you go as much as possible was seen as all that was expected of the person at home with the child. DH thought of it as me being home to be with ds not to be a housekeeper.

Tatties · 21/02/2008 15:40

I'm with you Honoria

cherryredretrochick · 21/02/2008 15:52

If anyone asked my dh if I am a housewife he says no she is a SAHM, he sees my job as to look after, entertain ansd stimulate the dc not clean the houise, although I do more often tjan not.

Disenchanted · 21/02/2008 15:53

Hahahaha,

The OP made me lol,

thats excatly what I do, its hits 4pm and I start to do all the things I should have been doing from 9am!!

HonoriaGlossop · 21/02/2008 15:57

exactly. It's such an awesomely responsible and time consuming thing to be the one who is at home to bring up children....the one who stimulates them, educates them, teaches them absolutely all they know about the world and how to interact with it, takes care of their health and holistic well-being and makes sure they are reaching their full potential in all ways.....

tidying on top of that - yes, makes sense to live in a nice environment....

but also giving yourself the expectation of organising EVERYTHING else - laundry, cooking, appointments, holidays, birthdays, christmas, parties, visits, thorough cleaning of the house from top to bottom, making lunches ready for the next day, going in to school for appointments or to watch numerous 'events'......

well I take my hat off to you if you are one of those that think this is your job as well.

Those of us down here on planet inadequate, just have to prioritise

Bridie3 · 21/02/2008 18:09

Count me in on planet inadequate. I pretty well always have supper on the go for my husband but a bit of mess, or an occasional unmade bed just doesn't bother me. My husband grew up on a pig farm in Scotland so his tolerance level is high.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 21/02/2008 18:13

My Dh couldn't care less what state the house is in when he comes home.