Creep at work staring me up and down, looking at my breasts I don't know how to handle this.

[justwanttoheal]

We're I work is fucking toxic at the best of times. Manipulative men running the show. I'm an assistant manager to the depot. There is the main general manager and then my self and another male colleague who is on the same level as me.

The industry I work in is very male oriented I have had to fight to get the senior role I'm in.

My boss is up and down he goes in to moods we're he's off with me I don't no what I've done wrong and he gives me silent treatment. Then he's fine. I can't take that as it is.

But now this guy who is on the same level as me. He's either trying to compete with me, he's overly touchy feel like grabs my shoulder and pats my arm. And when he walks up to me he looks me up and down then Blatantly stairs at my chest.

Today I was kind to some one and he turned around and said your too soft. ( no I was being human)

Before you all say get out I am I am currently frantically looking for a job.

My previous boss was an out right narcissist and he used and abused me it's took me months to begin healing from that and the new General manager is a different type of toxic on top of the other creep starring at my chest I'm at a loss what to do.

I feel like going on the sick and never going back

It sounds awful. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this.

Next time he touches you loudly say get your arm of my shoulder please Bert (or whatever his name is)

When he's staring ask him if he wants a photo as it will last longer'n

He touches you because he thinks he is entitled. This is hard wired dinosaur male who sees you as his inferior, and a sexual object. Next time he stares, look his in the eye and ask him what it is like to look at what he cannot touch. If he touches you again, firmly tell him that you do not like any body contact. Tell him you don't need 'advice' about your job, and to keep a professional standing. If he persists, file a complaint with human resources. There maybe CCTV evidence in your workplace showing his inappropriate behaviour.

Call him out on it each and every time. Usually I'd say to escalate it to management but with the workplace culture you've described I don't think that'll do any good.

You don't need to aim for funny or scathing, just firm and factual:

"Don't touch me/stop staring at my breasts/don't talk down to me, I don't like it and it's not appropriate to the workplace".

It highlights what he's doing both to him and others around you. Make a note of it each and every time too - date, time, location, what was said, your response, who else saw/heard - so that if you do need to escalate it further you have some evidence.

Remind him to stare at your face when you are talking. I had a colleague who did that. It’s very unnerving but I refused to put up with it. I just said dude, I’m talking to you, not here (pointing at boobs). Embarrass the fool to wake up.

I had no time for bs.

Touchy feely behaviour is creepy and old school. Just say thanks but I don’t need you to hold my hand to feel better. I’m pretty capable.

As previously recommended by others, start noting dates and behaviour to build a case if need be.

OP, I had a colleague who spoke to my breasts. I started wearing long scarves and crossing my arms over my chest.

Then...I was on a week-long training course and attended a class on sexual harassment. Anyway, I shared my experience with the trainers. The male trainer did a role play with me and I had to repeat out loud "don't look at my breasts" right into the male trainer's eye until he said I sounded like I meant it!! I was mortified but I did it. He also said two other things:

• never put "sorry" or "please" in front of this statement
• men respond to direct, short and clear statements.

Thankfully my colleague moved on and I never used my training!
But it helped to know how I could deal with it with confidence.

I've made the error of putting up with it for around 4 months now. It's the type of place I will look like the crazy one. I go to a councillor and she's being going through boundaries and I have issues with a lot of male customers. Im doing good putting my boundaries in that.

Yes he is defo old school dinosaur. Im 36 he's on his 50s

You didn't make an error - he did. And continues to do it. This is sexual harassment

rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/types-of-sexual-violence/what-is-sexual-harassment/

You can start challenging him whenever you want. Like a PP said, you may need to practice, so you feel comfortable doing it.

Not the same, at all, but I used to be a manager of an older man who would call me 'young lady'. One day I called him 'old man' in return, and he never called me it again.

@MmePoppySeedDefage thank you yeah you are right. I have an employee who calls me girl and it goes through me I told my boss and he laughed and said it's just coz he's Scottish. I've told him in the past to stop it does it any way. Plays the thick card.

I'm desperately trying to get out of that place it's a whole toxic environment, would need a full staff cull I've already had one male member of staff fired for sexual harassment.

I'm even saving as much as I can just incase one day I flip my lid and just walk out lol

Call him out on it. Every single time. Don't be aggressive, just matter of fact, neutral even.

Dave, what are you looking at?

Dave, please stop looking at my breasts.

Dave, please don't touch my shoulder.

Every time, comment on it.

Don't speak to your counsellor

Speak up to this creep

Call him out on his behaviour
Loudly but profesionally

He gets away with it and you are enabling him by not speaking up.

Make a fuss.
Speak up.!

Remind him about the creep that was fired....might work.

• Keep a diary and write down all your evidence.
• Report him to HR and your union (assuming you have one and are a member).
• If nothing is done, report again to HR and say he is making your job untenable and ask why they are not investigating and supporting you.
• Employment tribunal.

I'd be telling him loudly to look me in the eye, not the chest, and to stop touching me. There would be no "please" with it either.

It's good you are looking for other jobs. It does sound as though you need to get out of there soon

Yes he is defo old school dinosaur. Im 36 he's on his 50s

Means he was born in the 70s not the 40s so absolutely no bloody excuse for this stuff apart from being a misogynistic sexist creep.

Thanks every one I know I need to stand up for my self. I can in some situations others I'm pretty crap 💩

This. Clear, firm but not emotional. And KEEP doing it

Agree but don't say "please".

Tell him to look at your face, not your chest, every time. You have to try to increase your confidence and call him out on it, loudly, every time. If he touches you, tell him no, very loudly as in 'Why are you touching me? Get off!' Be confident, he has no right to stare at your chest or touch you.

I told my female manager to stop touching me (no idea of her sexuality) and grabbing me in the corridor. It was driving me mad.

I agree he doesn't deserve a please.

But I think it will unnerve him. He is either doing it to be pervy or to provoke her. OP acting upset will likely only be positive reinforcement for his shitty behaviour.

For that reason I would put 0 emotion in it, just be firm, factual and maybe even slightly polite with it. Almost like talking to a naughty child. Anyway, the please is optional of course :)

OP, i get it's hard. But just try it. The more you do it, the easier it will be.

@Nordicrain thanks I know I'm the het up over every thing I'm finding it hard to have no emotion.

So I not sure if it's pervy thing more trying to intimidate me.

So when the main general manager is talking over stuff he is hell bent on interrupting me if we're all walking together he makes sure he stomps a head of me. It's unbelievable to be honest. Suppse to be team effort and he's ego is just all over.

One min he will be sound chatting away then a few hours later I will walk up to him and it's that awful gaze up and down at me and then looking at my breasts. He's very spilt personality.

Say "talk to my face not to my tits" loud enough for everyone else to hear, every time.

do u have a hr department?
print out a copy of the equality at work act 2010. put lots of copies on notice boards coffee rooms etc. anything to let the assholes and pervs know u are onto them.
look up acas.org.uk sexual harassment they give loads of advice but especially how to document each and every time it happens.
i feel for u, i was a victim of this when i was a young 16 year old in my first job, and i would love to turn the clocks back on the beasts and let them try now with what i know and what i'm like. they rely on the victim keeping quiet and not saying anything. please keep a note of every single time. dates, times witnesses and exactly what happened and how u felt. sorry i are going thru this but remember u are better than them and they know it which is why they think they can
intimidate u. sure if u had a big burly partner they wouldn't be so quick to do this to u xx

oh and i would contact ur union too if u have one. if not join a relevant one and then contact them for further help.