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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that sleep is more important than gym in the morning?

31 replies

sofachick · 02/06/2023 08:10

So to preface, I am not saying that working out isn’t important.

I share a 1 bedroom flat with dp. He has recently starting becoming gym mad again. We both work long hours in out jobs. He is often in the office 10-8. I’m often working from home until 10pm due to the time zones I work with. I can’t fall asleep until 11:30-12:00. I try and try but that’s just not my body clock. Dp falls asleep instantly. Usually by about 10:15.

DP insists that if he is going to work out, he has to go before work. The first alarm goes off at 05:30. Sometimes 6:30. He won’t get out of bed for an hour after that, as he likes to snooze and read the news.

But I’m now constantly absolutely knackered. I feel light headed during the day as I’ve had about 5-6 hours sleep for several days. I can’t concentrate on my work. But DP won’t budge and says he has to go in the morning or he won’t go. His only compromise is that he’s agreed to go to a closer gym which would cut out about 20 mins ‘commute’.

OP posts:

HouseOfRunners · 02/06/2023 08:13

I understand what he’s saying in the respect of the morning being the best time to go BUT he’s being very selfish and should set the alarm for the time he needs to get up and bloody well get up!!

Malariahilaria · 02/06/2023 08:13

Goodness how selfish of him. Get him to have wrist alarm that only wakes him at 530am for starters. Or he can sleep on the sofa on the gym days.

dementedpixie · 02/06/2023 08:14

It's not the gym going that's the issue though. It's the fact the alarm wakes you up and then he doesn't get out of bed immediately.

My dh gets up around 5.30am but gets out of bed and off to get ready; he doesn't lie in bed for an hour after the alarm.

GeraltsBathtub · 02/06/2023 08:14

The problem isn’t really the gym if he’s not getting up until 7.30, it’s the alarms. Why can’t he set a later alarm and read the news at the gym? Or can he set an alarm on his phone and put it under his pillow so it disturbs you less?

Sissynova · 02/06/2023 08:14

He needs to get up as soon as his alarm goes off and not snooze it, however it’s unreasonable to tell him he can’t get up for the gym.

mynameiscalypso · 02/06/2023 08:14

I don't have a problem per se with DH getting up early to exercise (he tends to run and has to fit it in before work) but the rule is that the alert goes off once and he gets out of bed immediately. No snoozing the alarm. No faffing reading his phone in bed. All his clothes have to be in another room. Otherwise it's just selfish. I also do the same if I have to get up early for whatever reason.

Brefugee · 02/06/2023 08:15

When I'alone I'm a "10 goes at the snooze button" waker upper. I get up at the same time as if DH is there, just set it earlier.

If DH is there I set it for my actually "get up now" time because otherwise it is being an inconsiderate fucker. Which your DP is being, OP

Thepleasureofyourcompany · 02/06/2023 08:15

Dh gets up at 5.30am. He makes me a coffee then goes off to do his thing - work or a run or at this time of year field maintenance (we have a very small small holding). I get up at 6.

Summerishereagain · 02/06/2023 08:16

dementedpixie · 02/06/2023 08:14

It's not the gym going that's the issue though. It's the fact the alarm wakes you up and then he doesn't get out of bed immediately.

My dh gets up around 5.30am but gets out of bed and off to get ready; he doesn't lie in bed for an hour after the alarm.

I agree. He need a vibrating watching like fitbit inspire 2 and as soon as it goes off he gets up and leaves the bedroom. He makes sure all gym stuff is out of the bedroom first.

LadyWhineglass · 02/06/2023 08:16

Wake him up when you go to bed and keep him talking for an hour. Then explain that this is the equivalent of his 5.30am alarm call.

MorrisZapp · 02/06/2023 08:17

Jeez that's so selfish.

I thought this thread was going to be about morning workouts v sleep in general, and I was ready to agree with that too. Genuinely, I think it's better for health and wellbeing to be fully rested than to work out.

Exercise is great but it comes after sleep. I say to all my friends if they're trying to lose weight, if you wake up early and consider going for a run or getting another hour of kip, stay in bed. Sleep is better for weight loss than running is.

muddlingthrou · 02/06/2023 08:17

Fitbit vibrate alarm or similar. It vibrates on his arm, waking only him for whenever he likes. If he won't consider something like that he's being v.selfish.

Namechangedagain20 · 02/06/2023 08:17

DH has to get up for work at 5, when we first met he would snooze the alarm 4 or 5 times which I quickly got annoyed with. Now he knows to set the alarm for when he actually needs to get up. The gym isn’t the problem here OP, he’s being a selfish arse with the alarm.

onlythe · 02/06/2023 08:19

I want to smother DH when he sets the alarm and doesn't get up with it! I have enough issues with sleep already without him adding to them. I stopped him from doing this previously by getting up with his alarm, opening the curtains so I could see and getting on with stuff. When it impacts them they make changes. I have a watch which vibrates and wakes me if I'm lucky enough to be asleep.

BriarHare · 02/06/2023 08:21

If he wants to go the the gym early, that’s his choice.

But what a selfish arsehole. He should be jumping out of bed as soon as the alarm goes off so as not to disturb you.

If my husband does this, he’ll have his clothes ready in the bathroom and will do everything to ensure I’m not woken up by him.

Hardbackwriter · 02/06/2023 08:22

muddlingthrou · 02/06/2023 08:17

Fitbit vibrate alarm or similar. It vibrates on his arm, waking only him for whenever he likes. If he won't consider something like that he's being v.selfish.

I have that exact watch, tried to use it for an alarm and just slept straight through every time I tried! I don't think it's unreasonable for him to have an alarm but it has to only go off once and at that point he gets straight up, leaves the room and that's that. Clothes should already be in that other room.

Hazelnuttella · 02/06/2023 08:22

He needs to get out of bed when his alarm goes off so you can go back to sleep in peace.

I can’t believe anyone would be so selfish.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/06/2023 08:26

As everyone has said, it's not going to the gym that's the problem, it's your DP being a selfish arsehole.

NEmama · 02/06/2023 08:26

The selfish fucker needs to get straight up without disturbing you. I'd punch him

LolaSmiles · 02/06/2023 08:27

It's unreasonable to expect him not to go to the gym on a morning because you don't go to sleep until midnight, but he needs to set one alarm and get up and/or a wrist alarm that vibrates.
He needs to read the news elsewhere and have his clothes ready in the bathroom so he can ready quietly

Nordicrain · 02/06/2023 08:28

He needs to get a vibrating watch alarm and be considerate when he gets up.

But OP I'd wager the reason you can't sleep is becuase you work so late. sitting in front of a computer screen and being "on" for work isn't great in terms of winding down for bed.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 02/06/2023 08:31

The alarm and snooze is awful. He needs to get a watch with a vibrate alarm eg Fitbit that only wakes him up then he needs to be up and sneak off without waking you, or sleep in another room when he is doing the early starts

SkankingWombat · 02/06/2023 08:32

My DH is an early morning gym bunny and I have a deep hatred of both gyms and early mornings. He did something similar to your DP when he restarted his passion a few years ago, but was told in no uncertain terms if he wanted to live his hobby to continue, he was not to disturb me or DCs. He now sets all his stuff ready to go downstairs in the kitchen the night before, including his toothbrush. He has a vibrating alarm under his pillow, and sneaks downstairs like a ninja after it has gone off. I suspect he also realised it was to his benefit not to have a tired, grumpy and possibly murderous wife.
A noisy alarm is not OK, especially when it is an hour before he even needs to get up. The reading in bed would disturb me too and would also not be OK at that time in the morning. A firm discussion is needed, followed by the PP's suggestion of disturbing him to the same level at bedtime if he is unwilling to make some very reasonable changes.

Clymene · 02/06/2023 08:34

It's not him going to the gym in the morning that's the problem, it's the fact that he's a selfish arsehole.

DistantSkye · 02/06/2023 08:34

I am also an early morning gym goer but I get up as soon as my alarm goes off and get dressed in another room. I don't think it's unreasonable to go early but the behaviour around it is.

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