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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I wrong?

35 replies

Yumsie · 01/06/2023 23:15

Hello everyone I hope you’re okay. Sorry, it’s a long one ❤️.

I needed a space to share how I’m feeling. This is my first post so please go easy on me lol. I have a baby, I’m going through postnatal depression but I’m out of the worst of it. I need to know if I’m going crazy.

  1. Am I unreasonable for telling my partner he has no right to pressurise me into selling the car I own, that he pays absolutely nothing towards - a car I owned long before I knew him?
  2. Am I unreasonable for saying his mother cannot move in with us, into our small home with our child because she’s lonely (she is healthy going through a heartbreak) I sympathise but she isn’t someone I could live with.
  3. Am I unreasonable for saying that I need to prioritise spending time with my Mum a day after she just had a mild heart attack, versus keeping his Mum company after a heartbreak - while he goes on holiday with his mates?
  4. Am I unreasonable for saying I don’t feel comfortable having his guy friends stay with us for a week when we have a 5 month old and I’m struggling to breastfeed and I have postnatal depression?
  5. Am I unreasonable for getting angry at him because he volunteered me to look after our neighbours child (because she needs free childcare) while I work a stressful job, I’m struggling with postnatal depression - and I had to go back to work sooner than I wanted because he needed financial help - is that inconsiderate of me?
  6. Was it unreasonable of me to get upset after his mother threw away a gift from a friend of mine, in my home because she said it looked old (she did this after I said she couldn’t move in)

I know these issues seem minor but let me know your thoughts ❤️❤️❤️

OP posts:
HirplesWithHaggis · 01/06/2023 23:18

Yanbu on any of them.

StillDre · 01/06/2023 23:19

I know these issues seem minor but let me know your thoughts ❤️❤️❤️

Yeah, it's really not minor. Yanbu

MumlifeSumlife · 01/06/2023 23:21

heart breaks for you having to deal with shit like that and have to explain your reasons you are very very much in the right on all accounts

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 01/06/2023 23:22

YANBU- your not so "D"H is an arsehole for one of those, let alone all of them.

Fuckedthen · 01/06/2023 23:22

Short answer - no

I think you already know that. You'll definitely be validated here. He and she sound like an arse.

Glad you're coming out the other side of PND.

GrazingSheep · 01/06/2023 23:24

It’s a pity you ever met this guy.
Can you see a life without him?

TheFleetFoxes · 01/06/2023 23:27

To cure her loneliness your ‘D’H could go and li with his mother.

TheFleetFoxes · 01/06/2023 23:29

.. also am assuming he could have his friends for sleepovers at mummies.

blueigloo · 01/06/2023 23:30

The summary is he doesn’t care about your feelings. You’re like subhuman to him…he obviously cares about helping his family, friends and neighbours at your expense but isn’t doing much to help you

Original poster
Yumsie · 01/06/2023 23:30

That’s exactly what I said in my head…and she’s done worse.

Thank you for your comment

OP posts:
INeedAnotherName · 01/06/2023 23:30

All of those problems will vanish once you dump this guy. Just get rid as he will never change with his demands and trying to steam roller you.

Original poster
Yumsie · 01/06/2023 23:32

Thank you so much for your replies, I cried at night wondering if I was being too harsh on him. My family agrees, I thought they were just taking my side

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 01/06/2023 23:33

YANBU on any of them. You need to seriously consider what you want, and if your partner can not provide it you maybe better off out of it, hard as that maybe

ADHDMummy2023 · 01/06/2023 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

continentallentil · 01/06/2023 23:34

They aren’t minor at all (other than the last one)

Do you think this relationship is a goer OP?

Okshacky · 01/06/2023 23:37

YANBU.

Original poster
Yumsie · 01/06/2023 23:41

I said this to him, he doesn’t prioritise my feelings and it is getting to me. I work so hard, way harder than him. I cook, clean, do laundry every single day, I look after our baby 90% of the time, I financially contribute a huge chunk of my salary to help him

OP posts:
greyhairnomore · 01/06/2023 23:42

None of those things are minor.
Why does he want you to sell your car ?
Just tell the neighbour you can't babysit.
Tell him to go to his mum's if she's lonely. Good luck
You'll look back on this and think thank fuck you got rid of him.

Original poster
Yumsie · 01/06/2023 23:45

If it continues, I might need to rethink this situation. I need peace of mind our LO needs a happy Mummy

OP posts:
Okshacky · 01/06/2023 23:48

What’s best for the baby is that you are supported to be the best mother you can. None of these examples are better for you or your baby. Prioritise yourself and your child.

Original poster
Yumsie · 01/06/2023 23:48

If if gets worse absolutely. This is the mild stuff I don’t mind sharing.

OP posts:
blueigloo · 01/06/2023 23:50

He seems like a people pleaser

Iheartsummertime · 01/06/2023 23:52

None of those are minor

Original poster
Yumsie · 01/06/2023 23:53

Yes, he changed. He only cares about what his Mum wants and she’s in his ear all the time. She even had the nerve to tell me what I needed to do to make him happy. 🙄I put my foot down on that one

OP posts:
Dottymug · 01/06/2023 23:54

Why wait until it gets worse? He's sucking you dry financially. You're doing 90% of the work. Get rid -he's bringing nothing to the table.