Do you think there is a stigma to being autistic?

[Tryingtofitinwiththecrowds]

My autistic DD 15 has recently had some trouble with bullies at school 😭 and it has got me thinking (worrying) more about the future for her.

Those of you with experience either lived or observed do you think their is a stigma to being autistic? Does it effect how you are treated at work, access to healthcare, how you treated for example by drs, midwives this sort of thing. Or now people are more aware of autism than previously does it actually mean better understanding and support?

I should say I very much welcome any positive stories - that would be great. But if negative - it's good to think how to help DD manage/navigate this.

I’m autistic. In my experience people don’t discriminate against you specifically because you have autism (they may not even know you have it). They discriminate against you because of the symptoms of autism - lack of eye contact and facial expression, speech differences, not wanting to shake hands or touch, defensive body language, awkward conversation and talking about topics they find odd or boring, etc. People don’t like that stuff. They will refuse to hire you or be friends with you because of it, even if they don’t know that the root cause is autism.

Yes I absolutely believe there is a stigma. The reasons behind it can be different, e.g ignorance, fear of not knowing how to engage, etc, but for many people, especially young people who are still developing emotionally and socially, the impact is the same. My daughter has an ADHD not an autism diagnosis bur a worker once described her as ‘the autistic young lady’ saying that they had to send her records of conversations as she wouldn’t understand them (she did, the worker just wasn’t recording what really happened) and that she wouldn’t cope in college, and be independent etc. it’s such a vast spectrum people don’t understand that the diagnosis is a label but behind it an individual with their own needs and preferences but also their own strengths and interests. Often I feel all people with a diagnosis are lumped together. For example 50 year old Karen from accounting who is a ‘bit autistic’ will get in with 18 year old Brian who’s just joined the company and ‘is a bit weird and has just got his diagnosis.’

I agree with @Forgetmenott . It's isn't the label 'Autism'. It's the things that subtley set apart the autistic person from the person who is not autistic. There is a palpable difference and kids sense it. School is like a shark tank.

Interestingly (for me) DD2 who has ASD was never bullied in secondary. My theory was that she was so aloof that there was just nothing for the mean kids to get a grip of. She literally didn't register people she wasn't interested in. DD3 (on the waitlist for ASD assessment) gets bullied quite a lot because she's aware she doesn't fit in but desperately wants to.

Thanks for your response @Forgetmenott . I'm sure the things you have mentioned are the reason DD has had trouble at school.
I hoped with growing awareness of autism and ND in general there might be more acceptance as a grown up e.g at work. But maybe this is wishful thinking.

Of course there is a stigma. Unfortunately. Neurotypicals can sniff out autism faster and better than any paediatrician. It’s the social awkwardness, usually, no matter how subtle or not so subtle.

My autistic DD starts secondary this year and I’m worried.

Not just kids. Adults sense it too, and they discriminate just the same. I’ve had mums refuse to let their kids play with mine because I’m too awkward and they don’t like me. I’ve had employers refuse to hire me because I didn’t smile enough and clearly didn’t like being touched. None of them knew my diagnosis, they just sensed that I “wasn’t quite right” and rejected me. Of course they rejected me more politely than the other kids did when I was a kid - they didn’t hit me or bully me like the kids used to, they just told me to go away.

There is more acceptance in the public sector where they have diversity targets and quotas. But in the private sector employers still discriminate. And on an interpersonal level people definitely discriminate. Of course they do it kindly - they won’t punch you in the head, they’ll just avoid you and make a polite excuse.

Yes - not deliberately but because of symptoms as PPs say.

However I think it’s a zillion times better than even 10 years ago. The autistic person I know and love best is a teen and I am so so grateful they were born when they were.

Not many people actually know about my diagnosis. I pass essentially. I am a bit odd, there is no mistaking that. I don’t make friends easily and I have to advocate for myself at work to have communication styles that work for me. I do remember outright hostility from teachers and other children when I was in school, but nothing once I reached university. My quirks were better accepted among academics.

my employer started an initiative fairly recently about neuro-diversity. We are a decent sized organization with a large percentage of employees having a PhD or other advanced degrees. As you might imagine, there is a large amount of autism in the staff as well as other forms of neuro-diversity. No one ever really talked about it though. It was still great to work on a place with people like me. I’ve noticed since the initiative, people are being more open about their diagnoses and the neuro-typical staff are more receptive to requests for alternative communication styles. Even though work was good before, the shift has been appreciated.

I think healthcare and education workers are more likely to be better informed and inclusive - it will be (some) fellow students, colleagues and employers that won’t understand.

As a late diagnosed adult I can honestly say having the diagnosis and being able to tell people had made a huge difference to how I am treated- in a very positive way.

You'd expect so but sadly not.

My autistic DS was saying today how happy she was to get her diagnosis as previously she used to think that she was a horrible child because she used to hit, pinch and bite people and didn’t know why. Now she knows, she is more accepting of herself. I am so happy that this happened her early teens as I cannot imagine how harmful it would be to go through adolescence thinking oneself a nasty piece of work.
I have a hope that as more people become diagnosed, the stigma will lessen because we will see a variety of highly successful people come clean with their ASD diagnoses. I know so many people with very clear traits who are very successful - in fact I think the obsessiveness and laser focus can drive success in many people who have made it high up the career ladder.

DD! Don’t want to get embroiled in the whole trans argument. She’s very clear she’s female :-)

Yes of course . I've explained to people that dd is autistic and the reactions I've had have been vile to the point I now no longer tell people and and say she has LD instead (my mum's suggestion) to avoid negative comments. Even the gp I took dd about a physical problem and when I explained she was autistic the Dr decided it was just attention seeking. Doesn't help when any time a child is badly behaved people say they are probably autistic 🙄

This.

But there are positives too. We have autism in the females in our family. They/ we are all known for being blunt, straight-talking, but also clear thinking and analytical. Not falling for marketing 'fluff', not wasting money on expensive fads, not putting up with manipulation from the men in their lives. Singlemindedness has allowed them to get further in their careers.

In my experience unfortunately yes, as others have said its the outward symptoms, I've had awful healthcare because of my autism, with actual issues being dismissed because of it and a real awful time getting employment.

I agree with @forgetmenot as well. Some people will be put off by some behaviours. I took my DGS who is 5 to a soft play area over Easter and there was a child having a melt down as we arrived. He looked about 8. He was screaming and throwing all the things around. When the mother tried to calm him down he started spitting at her and swearing. She said to the lady near her that her son was autistic. All of the other children seemed a bit shocked and scared and later I noticed this child went over to some children and they all ran away from him. That seemed to make him angry and he was shouting nasty things to them, swearing again. The other children all gave him a wide birth. I think it can be the behaviour that puts some off. Some people will be more affected than others. I wouldn't tell dgs to keep away from a child because they had autism but I did say keep away because he was swearing and spitting at others and I didn't want dgs getting hurt as he was younger and smaller. It's the behaviour not the tag. I know an autistic boy in my foster son's cricket team. His behaviour is fine, he just hardly speaks. He doesn't upset anyone and gets treated the same as the others.

Your DD2 reminds me of my ASD DD. But I think my DD would love friends, but she knows it's a minefield. I worry about how she'll get on as an adult.

DW is also ASD, and tried much harder, and has had really shitty treatment again and again. She adores me because I'm safe.

No. In the past yes but not now. In fact if anything its seen as a positive.

I agree with all the other posters. I find the current 'yay! I'm autistic! I'm so proud! It's a super power!' narrative amongst the younger generation so weird, my experience has been one of exclusion and struggle.
I wonder if the difference is in the work place and healthcare etc - awareness of the diagnosis and (even superficially) attempts at understanding.
But you can't make people like you, no matter how many campaigns and social media posts you sign up to.

Behaviour of the kids is what turns people away from them . Not their diagnoses.

I have dealt with quite a few "my son is autistic so he cant help it" mums over time.

They use autism as an excuse instead of an explanation.

Well im sorry not but i dont want my kid playing with your kid anymore because your kid bites and all you say is "he cant help it "

I am adhd and grew up being bullied for it
But not for having the label. Just because I was an oddball and all over the place.

But that being said
.. I also got bullied for having brown skin.

And other kids are bullied for being ginger
or not having cool NIKE'S or being poor

Kids bullying for ALL sorts of reasons
And no one is safe from them 🙁

But I DO feel like the stigma of autism is reduced for adults over the years. There has been more awareness. People understand them a bit better. I think ...

Yes , we have a colleague who has autism and he is not suited to the job he does . He is expected to go and visit clients on a daily basis and is given a list of who he needs to go to . It is absolutely in the lap of the gods as to whether he will turn up or not . He doesn't or can't follow set Rota's , takes forever to load his van , probably double the time of others and then he'll get to site and not have brought the right equipment. However he is the loveliest guy , he's never in trouble because we understand his needs and he gets away with things others don't . Would we employ him again , probably not in the job he does but there'd definitely be something he could do .