Do you think there is a stigma to being autistic?

[Tryingtofitinwiththecrowds]

My autistic DD 15 has recently had some trouble with bullies at school 😭 and it has got me thinking (worrying) more about the future for her.

Those of you with experience either lived or observed do you think their is a stigma to being autistic? Does it effect how you are treated at work, access to healthcare, how you treated for example by drs, midwives this sort of thing. Or now people are more aware of autism than previously does it actually mean better understanding and support?

Yes there is, a big one. I have a diagnosis, as do my children. My Dd made her first suicide attempt because of the stigma. Both children have been bullied at school( seriously with catastrophic impact on mental health and another suicide attempt)as was I. Vulnerabilities have been abused. I’ve been patronised and not taken seriously throughout dealing with services. There has been no reasonable adjustment anywhere for any of us. None.

I think there is. (ASD son here).

But what i dislike more than anything is how autism is used as an insult. get any person behaving like an arsehole and someone is sure to say 'He's probably autistic'. With a sneer. Not just on MN (but it's like MN bingo on threads here). But IRL as well.

I call it out now all the time. Like to my SIL who knows her nephew has autism and who was ranting about a shithead arrogant deceitful boss and said 'He's probably autistic' to me. I pointed out that he might just be an arsehole and oddly enough not all people with autism behave the way she was stereotyping.

The thing is people do reject you based on autistic traits until they find out you have those traits because you're autistic. Then they're more understanding and accepting (not all but in general). It's why I don't hesitate to tell people that I'm autistic because it immediately removes that "what is wrong with this person" judgement and they accept you for who you are.

That said, I still think it has stigma especially when I see parents whose children have been diagnosed become so miserable and depressed over their children's diagnosis. Can make you, who's fine with being autistic and having autistic family and dc, feel like shit.

Definitely a stigma amongst teens. “ That’s so autistic” as an insult. My Dd still don’t accept her diagnosis because of the damage from school.

Absolutely.

All you need to do is to read MN and one of the first comments about a person's odd or 'unacceptable' behaviour behaviour is always "sounds like autism".

"Tag"? You mean diagnosis?

Yes, especially amongst kids, but also lots of adults. They have spent their lives so far becoming very skilled at navigating human interactions and learning exactly how to fit in, act normal, not say the wrong thing etc, and they often find it threatening or very uncomfortable when another child (or adult) doesn't play by those rules. Kids will sometimes be openly hostile. Most adults have better awareness of autism these days and are less likely to treat autistic people differently. The increased awareness does mean that a lot of NT people have probably become very good at spotting autistic people.

Thanks for all the replies and 💐 for those who have had difficult experiences. But good to hear some positives too where sharing diagnosis has brought more understanding.

I think now she is getting older I'm worrying more about how she would manage services going forward. Like going to the gp or if she does have a child at some point will she get treated well listened to properly with things like maternity care. I'm not sure if she will be able to advocate for herself or be listened to if she does. There's also boyfriends etc on the horizon - I don't want to limit her but she does seem very vulnerable compared to her peers.

I guess as always we need to take one step at a time and try not to worry too much about the future.

So it's fine to be autistic, as long as you're quiet and well behaved and act "normal".

@lysozyme, I'm just stating I think people aren't put off by a person having autism per say but some of the associated behaviours. There are obviously a wide range of behaviours associated with autism and I think some people find some behaviours more off-putting than others. I find spitting and biting very off putting but can tolerate many other autistic characteristics, a person making lots of noises or not really saying anything, rigid behaviours and struggling with communication. I've taught in a special school and have had to deal with lots of behaviours from various different children some autistic and some not but many have other challenging conditions. I just personally find spitting and biting particularly unpleasant.

So it's fine to be autistic, as long as you're quiet and well behaved and act "normal".

Precisely. Don't exhibit any behaviours that fall outside the realm of 'acceptable'. In other words - mask, mask, mask - no matter what the cost to you emotionally or cognitively, to avoid making the the NTs uncomfortable.

Yeah, I wonder what life is actually like for the quiet well behaved boy on @caringcarers cricket team.

@carbonarya he seems very happy. His Mum says he doesn't talk hardly at home or school either. He is virtually mute.

@carbonarya and it's not my cricket team it's a county disability cricket team.

At my work there is a new policy of sponsoring autism diagnoses.

Secrecy available but I chose to disclose because it helps people understand the cause of the traits they already noticed.

The three colleagues who commented all said “Brave”. Made me think of Yes Minister. Not being neurotypical I hadn’t realised it’s a brave decision! I suspect it isn’t though. Someone neurotypical on here will have to tell me what they meant by “brave”.

Apparently coming out is thought of as a positive to write on my appraisal. Again, dunno why. Incompatible with “brave” as far as I can see.

Coming out to family can help them. My son was worried about his interviews and cheered to hear that feedback from my first interview was “you are terrible at interviews but you have got the job”.