Would you ever say a baby looks 'I'll' or 'washed out' in certain colours?

[gonewithtthewind]

Would you say a baby looks unwell or washed out in certain colours? Depending on the babies hair colour ect?

MIL has a habit of telling me my baby looks unwell if in certain colours. I'm suffering really badly with PPA so it's really playing into that, I've tried to tell her to stop and that she doesn't but it goes over her head.

She is clearly stuck in the ‘90s with Trinny and Suzanna, and thinks your baby is a woman aged between 30 and 60.

Constantly, she seems to think I'm an unfit parent and comes round when my partner is off work just to check that I'm 'coping' (tidy house, ect - once said I wasn't coping coz I had clean washing to fold on the sofa - only wasn't done coz I went to meet my friend so was going to sit with the baby and do it when I got back!) I've never said or indicated that I wasn't coping but because I've had bad mental health in the PAST she thinks it makes me a bad parent

In work not off work sorry!

No because my mother said something similar to me (not when I was a baby). I was given a really pretty yellow nightie for my birthday by a friend, when I was young. My mother then told me I looked really pale in it. I have never worn or had anything yellow ever since.
I have no idea what else she might have said but it affects me even now in my 50's. I don't particularly like when my son wears yellow either.
Tell your mother in law to mind her own business. If she's got a key, take it off her. If she hasn't keep your doors locked.

Why on earth are you wasting your time and energy entertaining your partners mother? She is rude and unkind to you.

Get your partner to tell her to stop coming round when he’s not in. Say it’s often inconvenient as you have things planned but don’t like turn her away at the door.

If he wants her to visit, she can do when he’s home. Leave baby with them both and go to see a sick friend / elderly relative ( real or imaginary ) / the dentist / hairdresser.

My baby does look really ill if in black and white. The only colours. He just looks very pale.

Woah did not read the full thread! Yes your mil is fucking barmy. Tell your dp he needs to sort that out.

I said it about my own baby (pale pink/fashionable neutrals looked terrible - she looked much better in blue). But if MIL or anyone else had said it I would not be happy!

I bet she was adorable. In a slightly yellow way.

No but someone said my baby had lost weight and looked better for it. He was 10 months old. People always have something to say 🙄

PMSL laughing at haunted Victorian dolls. Rude but seriously vivid descriptive powers. Our wee DS was a peely-wally baby with that sort of sparse, mousy hair and big pale eyes. In grey he looked like a poor wee thing. Sounds like your MIL isn’t big on listening. Does she know you’re dealing with PPA and saying the baby looks ill is causing you anxiety?

Just read the update. FFS. Don’t let her in, for a kick-off. It seems like DH needs to step up. If he’s not willing to, get the HV to explain to him/her why constant impromptu performance reviews and pointed (and judgemental) talk of coping aren’t required. You sound like you’re coping really well, tbh. Have you got anyone else of your own to step in and explain she’s causing upset/politely invite her to MHOB?

So she times her visits when it's just you and her - no witnesses. It's strange that she wants to avoid her son, is it not?

She is the problem, not the colours you dress the wee one in.

I'd be a bit lot less available to her if I were you. And don't let her see that anything she says upsets you. Grey rock her.

I say this about my DD and so will my mum - shes deathly pale like us so some colours arent great.

Your problem is more general though.
Personally I'd be really direct.
"MIL you keep making comments that you think i am not coping despite me saying i am fine. Just so you know if i actually wasnt coping it would make me feel significantly worse that you keep referencing it so you can stop bringing it up.
If you are still worried i am not coping can i ask that you express that concern and by offering practical support like x y and z and to tell me what a great job i am doing more regularly. If thats going to be a problem for you let me know"

Id also drastically reduce /be unavailable after that convo for a week and then see how she is after

Yup, even makes it clear she'll call when he's at work. I think she does it to check up on me as she sees my partner as a fit parent but not me. I've told her I'm busy so she doesn't come but she often turns up unannounced, almost like she wants to catch me out on things. She says she just wants the best for my baby, says if anything happens to me then she'll take them. She bought me a parenting book when I was pregnant.

I've voiced this to my partner but he doesn't really do anything. I don't think he sees what she's doing the way I do.

I've never been around babies before i had my own, i don't deny I had no clue what I was doing but who does?? I feel like I'm doing ok, I'm not perfect but I try my best. My baby is my entire world and for someone to come in and see me as a bad parent is heartbreaking. In ways, I wish I never had a baby because of how bad people seem to think I am at being a parent. There is nothing I've done or said to make people think I'm not coping but it seems to be because my mental health has been bad in the past. His whole family seems to think I'm not coping- when I feel like I am

I've voiced this to my partner but he doesn't really do anything. I don't think he sees what she's doing the way I do.

He doesn't want to see it. He doesn't want to have to face the consequences of dealing with her behaviour.

Always found green tricky, suits very few people.

FFS! My friend’s MIL commented that her 9mth old looked better in navy as it’s “so slimming”. Some people are just dicks 😡

I would never say that to anyone although one of mine looked so washed out in pale pink as a baby I avoided buying the colour. If anyone else bought pale pink I still put it on her and didn't say anything

It's more likely that they are a baby and whether someone elses baby looks washed out or not is not something that sane people think about

To not dress your child in a hand knitted item or expensive dress because they look pale is bizarre. Why waste that money or effort for looks which don't natter

Most babies go from looking sticky to a bit flushed to pale to cute about 30x a day. I promise you that washing out their skin does not matter and is not relevant to how your baby is perceived in anyway shape or form

Something weird happens when I put my baby in his car seat. Next to the grey padding he goes from being (in my PFB eyes) the cutest baby to have ever lived to looking like his skin has the same washed out tinge as a 70 year old smoker. I’ve joked about it in a “those colours do nothing for him” kind of way but would never say it about anyone else’s baby. Some people just don’t suit certain colours.

That said having read your updates your MIL sounds batshit

😂😂 Slightly confused banana made me snarfle!

OP, yes I would say something like that but only about my own baby or maybe a very close friend who specifically asked if the colour suits their baby... and even then I'd use more gentle wording.

Your MIL needs a firmer word I think.

Oh balls, sorry, the rest of the pages just loaded and I see your updates now! Keep the door locked, the woman is a bit unhinged.

DS1 looked adorable in a pale blue romper suit, but when I put it on DS2 he looked dreadful - he looked better in navy. But I wouldn't dream of saying anything negative about a GC. Possibly "he looks really good in that, the colour really suits him"

Trouble is, as a MIL, I feel enormous love and tenderness for my DIL, almost as I do for my DS. It's hard for me to realise she probably sees me as a stranger, not belonging to the family, and is just waiting for me to massively overstep boundaries.

I remember dm telling me when I was buying neutral colours for #1 that yellow wasn't the best idea because if they were jaundiced then it made it look a lot worse.
I ignored her.
She was right. 😂