My boyfriend told me he informs his parents when we have sex- AIBU to be upset?

[Redrose28]

Hi all. I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable here, but I just feel so upset.

I am 22 and my boyfriend is 26. We are both not very sexually experienced, and we have both got some issues- me being very tight down there and him going soft. His parents live abroad, but he is very close to them. His father has come over for a visit today from his country and I met him in the morning. My bf has told me that his parents know everything about him, and he speaks with them about anything. He is often calling and texting them.

A couple of things happened before that made me think that he may be talking about private matters about us with his family. Then, yesterday , he told me that when his father comes he will be sure to ask about his intimate issues to get advice. He told me he would also be willing to speak to his mother about my intimate issues.

I started to get a little uncomfortable, and I outright asked, do you tell your parents we have sex(oral). And he told me that sometimes after we do the deed, he lets them know that we’ve ‘just had fun’. He told me that since he is a virgin his parents in a way are keeping an eye on him in this regard, and he wants to keep them updated, since it’s not that usual that a 26 year old male is a virgin.

I’m not sure what else exactly he has discussed with them and I’m worried he’s shared more intimate things, especially relating to me. I feel upset and quite icky. Sex is something very private to me. When I was speaking to his father I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable knowing what his son has told him.

Am I overreacting here? I definitely do not want to control my boyfriend, but I just feel violated.

I don’t think it’s weird he’s a virgin. I think it’s weird that he’s sharing your private, intimate moments with his parents and doesn’t seem to be recognising /caring that’s violating your boundaries.

I would not feel comfortable sitting round the breakfast table with everyone knowing my business.

You talked about your own issues with your mum - fine. He can discuss his erectile dysfunction with his dad. That much is normal (even if not everyone feels they can do that).

Would you really tell your mum stuff about your partner's issues though?

Impotence problem at 26 and wanting to send pictures of you naked but for a blanket? Discussing your sex life and body with his parents? How much porn does he consume on the sly, I wonder? Regardless, get rid of him and his emotionally incestuous family now, OP.

It’s half term!

😂

But yes OP, this is a massive red flag. Run like the wind...

…he does what?

How weird. I couldn't cope with that.

Omg I laughed at this comment!

This is so disrespectful to you. Complete dishonour and violation He is just thinking about himself nit thinking about you whatsoever. Sounds so enmeshed it will be a nightmare in other ways if you stayed got married / had kids etc. Even if you want to be with him, he needs dumping and a big reset to your relationship. But I would advise to run as fast as you can but tell him why otherwise he will do it to the next poor girl.

Your updates are shocking tbh. 😲

Way too embarrassing. Throw him back in to the pond

That's all there is to say, really.

I doubled over at this post honking like a bilious goose (had a wine or two, which helps).

Even the user handle made me cackle! 😂😂😂😂😂

Eeeeew. Please pass the brain bleach.

And you say that YOU THINK you might break up with him
🤣🤣🤣🤣

Dear lord girl. Your mama did not raise you well.

Run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Indeed. Fortunately not for much longer
.

Hi all. Just wanted to provide an update. Yesterday I went out with my boyfriend and his father. They were both being really nice. At the end of the night my bf took me home, and I felt so much less stress cos of how good the evening went, we ended up doing stuff in the car😅😅(in a private location of course).
The next morning, I straight up asking him, did you tell your father about what happened in the car?
He assured me that he didn’t, that it is our private business and that it shouldn’t be discussed with others( I didn’t explain , but he could tell I was upset when he told me about what he said to his parents).
Do you guys still think it’s bad to stay with him? Since it was his birthday yesterday, I didn’t bring this stuff up in detail so he could enjoy it. He has still most definitely hurt me, and I will tell him specially why , and I also feel very embarrassed about what he has said already and I will tell him this , but considering his positive reaction , should I still get away from him?

I think you should find a good book to read.

More likely than him suddenly changing his behaviour is now he’s clocked how freaked/ upset you were he’s simply lying/ not telling you what he’s telling them.

I’m amazed you were still able to be intimate and weren’t totally put off after all he’s done/ said. But hey, if this thread shows anything, it’s the vast differences in peoples boundaries.

Get clear of him and all of them! It’ll only get worse the longer you’re together.

it's normal to chat to his blokey friends about that

does he have any?

Hilarious 🤣🤣🤣

😂😂😂

Mid-20's erectile dysfunction for PiV sex, but fine with everything else and from a culture where virginity is important. My money is him being gay and unable to come out to his parents, so forcing himself to live a lie.

He is a freak.

I'm sorry but you're going to have to get rid of him.

Very unlikely to change.