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Original poster

MIL and cards...

29 replies

cardsed · 01/06/2023 16:09

This happened a few weeks ago and it's been playing on my mind.

recently I had a random conversation with MIL how I love cards but at the same time, I don't as I feel bad when I eventually throw them out..

She agreed with me that they were a hassle, but seemed slightly miffed and said she would expect me to keep the cards she's given to her grandkids. ( I haven't )...

Anyhow. I keep cards for a while but inevitably they end up being thrown. So recently she was at my house while I wasn't there ( not ideal ). We had a wedding invitation and a wedding thank you card on display somewhere. Not really intentionally, it was just there and I hadn't had time to put them away yet.

When I came back, I noticed that she'd retrieved birthday cards from her and FIL and from DH siblings only and had put them on display.....

I think they must have been tucked away in a kitchen cupboard with lots of other cards.

Is it just me or is that really fucking weird ? When I asked her ' oh what's this ' she said ' I can't remember that one haha '.....

I feel like she was making some sort of point.

OP posts:
EVHead · 01/06/2023 16:12

That’s crazy. Chuck cards in the recycling so there are none for her to find.

OrigamiOwls · 01/06/2023 16:12

I'd be taking away her spare key to stop her snooping around my home.

bibbityboppityboo · 01/06/2023 16:14

That's so passive aggressive 😂

You must now respond in type. Bin all cards from MIL / FIL / SIL etc. (or hide incredibly well). Find cards from very obscure relatives - if possible buy and write your own card from someone they've never heard of. Display in pride of place and await the ruckus.

jannier · 01/06/2023 16:15

Get the kids to cut them up and make granny a lovely thank you picture...for granny's wall.

Original poster
cardsed · 01/06/2023 16:16

jannier · 01/06/2023 16:15

Get the kids to cut them up and make granny a lovely thank you picture...for granny's wall.

Brilliant

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 01/06/2023 16:19

I used to keep the cards from elderly relatives for a year, so if they died, I'd have the last card that was sent. She is playing mind games and needs to be told not to do that again.

ChumleyMcGnee · 01/06/2023 16:43

Ponoka7 · 01/06/2023 16:19

I used to keep the cards from elderly relatives for a year, so if they died, I'd have the last card that was sent. She is playing mind games and needs to be told not to do that again.

Take a photo of the front of the card and then the inside message of any birthday or Christmas cards. That way you have it forever digitally and you don't end up with a massive pile of cards. Plus you have their handwriting. Don't take anyone for granted, my Mum and died at 62 within 3 months of being diagnosed with cancer and my friend died at 39 from sepsis.

I would take issue with your MIL rooting round your home to find the cards.

Original poster
cardsed · 01/06/2023 17:17

@ChumleyMcGnee this is a great idea. I won't feel as bad throwing them out now.

I don't think I take people for granted though. I keep cards for quite a while. My side of the family don't do cards at all and we don't take each other for granted.

OP posts:
Sugargliderwombat · 01/06/2023 17:24

I hate bloody card politics. But your MIL is nuts, yes.

ChumleyMcGnee · 01/06/2023 18:32

@cardsed I just mean that people can be gone in an instant. We didn't realise MIL's last Christmas was her last Christmas. She had chemo just before Christmas so we never had that Christmas or another one with her. Both mine and Dh's Mum were perfectly healthy, active people before diagnosis, both died aged 62. It was a massive shock to lose them both 4 years apart. My Mum had no symptoms despite being riddled with cancer.

My sister and I don't do Christmas cards, we donate the money to charity instead. She invites us to her house every Christmas day so we know we love each other Grin we don't need a folded piece of card. Cards are special to children though, I love seeing all the cards in my photos.

bladebladebla1 · 02/06/2023 22:15

This is brilliant

BlueAndGreen89 · 02/06/2023 22:33

I’d be unhappy about her rooting through drawers. I wouldn’t dream of doing that at anyone’s house, even close family, it’s disrespectful and rude.

Velvian · 02/06/2023 22:36

Call her bluff. Next time you visit, ask her to show you the cards that her PILs sent to your DH when he was little. 😅

Precipice · 02/06/2023 22:54

ChumleyMcGnee · 01/06/2023 16:43

Take a photo of the front of the card and then the inside message of any birthday or Christmas cards. That way you have it forever digitally and you don't end up with a massive pile of cards. Plus you have their handwriting. Don't take anyone for granted, my Mum and died at 62 within 3 months of being diagnosed with cancer and my friend died at 39 from sepsis.

I would take issue with your MIL rooting round your home to find the cards.

Show quote history

I wouldn't find a photo the same at all! I keep cards with particularly lovely or heartfelt messages from loved ones. (It helps that the norm in my language is that when you're sending wishes, you list particular things you wish for the recipient (even if formulaic), rather than just 'Happy birthday, hope you have a lovely day' more typical in English, so it's easier for a sentimental card.) I find these nice mementos.

Precipice · 02/06/2023 22:55

But yeah, MIL arranging displays in your house is weird, and taking things out of cupboards and drawers also weird. She shouldn't be doing either of those things.

UsingChangeofName · 02/06/2023 23:23

Precipice · 02/06/2023 22:55

But yeah, MIL arranging displays in your house is weird, and taking things out of cupboards and drawers also weird. She shouldn't be doing either of those things.

This.

Why was she hunting through cupboards ? Confused

That's what I would be asking her - "What were you doing rummaging through my cupboards?"

caringcarer · 02/06/2023 23:27

Ponoka7 · 01/06/2023 16:19

I used to keep the cards from elderly relatives for a year, so if they died, I'd have the last card that was sent. She is playing mind games and needs to be told not to do that again.

I did that too. I keep all cards for 1 year. I still have the last birthday card my Mum sent me over 9 years ago and every year I put it up on my birthday then put it safely away again. I know that sounds a bit weird but I find it comforting.

EL8888 · 03/06/2023 12:05

What she did was weird and rude. Who does this?!

ferneytorro · 03/06/2023 12:14

Here They are up for a week maximum and then binned unless very fancy then kept to make a label. Christmas cards are put in a drawer with the wrapping paper and made into labels the next year. There are only three of us though and neither adult has any siblings so only ever a handful of cards. Oh and my mum buys us cards like you’d get out of a pack of them so am not keeping them!

Growlybear83 · 03/06/2023 12:15

I agree that I would be annoyed if someone went through my drawers or cupboards without permission. But I tend to keep some cards - I've got all my daughter's birthday cards from each year until she left primary school as well as quite a few cards from my husband and the hand made cards from my daughter. When I was clearing out my late mothers belongings last year, I was amazed to find that she had kept what seemed to be every single birthday and Mother's Day card I had ever sent her - they were clearly very precious to her.

Original poster
cardsed · 03/06/2023 12:46

Growlybear83 · 03/06/2023 12:15

I agree that I would be annoyed if someone went through my drawers or cupboards without permission. But I tend to keep some cards - I've got all my daughter's birthday cards from each year until she left primary school as well as quite a few cards from my husband and the hand made cards from my daughter. When I was clearing out my late mothers belongings last year, I was amazed to find that she had kept what seemed to be every single birthday and Mother's Day card I had ever sent her - they were clearly very precious to her.

And that's nice that you want to keep that. It's nice if my mother in law wants to keep that.

I can choose to keep or not keep whatever I like, even on behalf of my children until they can decide otherwise themselves.

OP posts:
CornedBeef451 · 03/06/2023 12:48

She'd hate me. Cards are out for one week and then they all go straight in the recycling bin.

It's really weird she went digging around for them, I would find that very intrusive.

DisquietintheRanks · 03/06/2023 12:56

If you don't want to keep them, why were they in a drawer? Not that that excuses your mil's madness

1offnamechange · 03/06/2023 12:58

wait so 1) she went rummaging around your cupboards (already inappropriate)
then 2) put random cards from old birthdays on display in your house, months/years after the birthday had passed? Because that is truly insane behaviour. Surely anyone visiting your house, or indeed your dh/kids themselves would be confused at having a 'Happy 40th/7th birthday!' card on display in June when they are now 50/10 and their birthday is in January?

Original poster
cardsed · 03/06/2023 13:01

DisquietintheRanks · 03/06/2023 12:56

If you don't want to keep them, why were they in a drawer? Not that that excuses your mil's madness

I do keep them for a while. These were all cards from the last few months.

OP posts:
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