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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think using children with SN for a school award is distasteful

28 replies

IsThatReallyNecessary · 01/06/2023 12:45

NC as this is based on a Facebook post and on the off chance I'm recognised (my DC doesn't want his ASD and learning delay public knowledge). I don't know if IABU and over sensitive. Have a friend who has super high achieving children, academically, sportingly and musically. Her posts are full of their achievements which is nice to see. Usually like, well done and carry on.

The last achievement left me a bit speechless. It was an award for being kind to, helping and making an effort to include children who are in the special education program. WTF? So they are using children with SN as the basis of a reward for children without SN, who probably find everything to do with school about 10,000 times easier than said children with SN? A little pat on the back, complete with certificate and award ceremony in front of parents for deigning to notice and be decent to another child. They're all human. All credit to her child for being kind, but why specify the special education? Doesn't really say a lot about the school or their expectations of the pupils does it? Is it a US/UK culture difference?

YABU and over sensitive.
YANBU - a group of children should not be used for an award like this

OP posts:
Saucery · 01/06/2023 12:47

YANBU. An award for being a kind, inclusive person to everyone in school is fine. Singling out the SEN cohort is not.

ThisJenistheInternet · 01/06/2023 12:48

I hope the children with SEN can have an award for being nice to the ones without SEN.

Lovetheplace · 01/06/2023 12:48

They did this when I was at secondary in the 90s, every pupil had to go in groups for a set amount of weeks to assist with swimming at the SEN school and then had a certificate and photo for their record of achievement

I totally refused and was massively told off and told I had no choice and I would be going - I had my form tutor scream in my face about it that I wasn’t allowed the choice that everyone had to do it !

W0tnow · 01/06/2023 12:48

I don’t have a child with SN. It feels very icky to me. I’d feel awkward if my child received such an award.

nahwhale · 01/06/2023 12:49

Saucery · 01/06/2023 12:47

YANBU. An award for being a kind, inclusive person to everyone in school is fine. Singling out the SEN cohort is not.

This

OneLittleFinger · 01/06/2023 12:51

In a similar fashion a friend in the US posted about her dd with SN being buddied to go to a prom with someone without SN. Turns out there's a whole thing at the college where they can pair up and do things together. Although a nice thing it didn't entirely sit right with me.

MistyFrequencies · 01/06/2023 12:52

ThisJenistheInternet · 01/06/2023 12:48

I hope the children with SEN can have an award for being nice to the ones without SEN.

This should happen but of course wont. Because any school that believes an award for being nice to students with SEN also obviously believes they are somehow lesser than the peers being "kind" to them. Fuck that. I would write to the school. If it was my kids being awarded Id explain why they should not accept it. Its gross.

Mars27 · 01/06/2023 12:55

My God, this is infuriating.

So you give awards to children for being kind, considerate and inclusive? Not like every single child should be taught that at home and practice outside it, perish the thought 😤

Almahart · 01/06/2023 13:10

Yanbu, this is grim

x2boys · 01/06/2023 13:11

Thankfully my child with SEN goes to.a special school,but yeah I don't like the thought of him being used as a learning experience so.other kids can learn empathy .

HecticHedgehog · 01/06/2023 13:13

Yanbu.

pinkyredrose · 01/06/2023 13:14

That's awful! Imagine if there was an award for being extra nice to a black kid?

ApplePippa · 01/06/2023 13:41

Urggh, how patronising. My child with SEN is not a learning experience for high achieving kids so they can earn yet another certificate.

We have been fortunate enough to meet several genuinely kind and inclusive people over the years - adults and children - and non of them have made a song and dance about it, or needed a certificate.

Gobbolinothekitchencat · 01/06/2023 14:06

Completely tone deaf. Plenty of children with SEN will be fully aware they are being used as a ‘token’ and will probably be distressed. It’s risky for those without that level of awareness as it potentially playing on their vulnerabilities. These are people not collectible tokens to exchange for a prize. My own child was fully aware when others were performing kindness and would react badly. He had enough awareness to distrust suddenly to be popular but no understanding that it was simply to appear kind to adults. If a child is naturally kind and gravitates to help/ befriend those left out, that should be noted and praised but not at the expense of it becoming a tick list challenge.

MagicSpring · 01/06/2023 14:11

This sort of scheme split up a close friendship between my son and a boy on the ‘other side’ of the divide once they went to secondary school.

Mine was the one suddenly being well meaningly patronized by his former friend.

Bryzoan · 01/06/2023 14:18

YANBU. When my daughter, who has disabilities, was in year 2, another child was given a certificate in a praise assembly (with loads of parents there too) for ‘playing with Bryzoan’sDD’. No certificate for dd for playing with the other child, obviously… I had a quiet word with the teacher about it afterwards but she just didn’t get it. The head did, luckily, and it didn’t happen again.

Morph22010 · 01/06/2023 14:28

That’s awful it’s more or less announcing that the Sen kids aren’t worthy and people are only playing with them/being kind to them because they will get an award

Fiddlededeefiddlededoh · 01/06/2023 14:29

@IsThatReallyNecessary I can well believe your experience.

My DD has ASD and other AN. It was her biggest bugbear in school about how a handful of teachers she encountered over the years saw educating her and her SN peers as a virtuous feather in their caps.

She isn’t imagining it either, on a number of occasions I can remember over the years, teachers and headteachers made it seem like they were doing us an immense favour by educating our disabled children. Then we have experienced many other exceptional teachers going above and beyond with no such virtue signalling so it is by no means a universal trait.

I am an educator myself and I have taught many many ND, adults in my case, and never once did I not feel like it was my bloody job to meet each and every student where they were at and it didn’t make me some magnanimous, magnificent person to do what I was bloody being paid to do.

Mydusa · 01/06/2023 14:29

ThisJenistheInternet · 01/06/2023 12:48

I hope the children with SEN can have an award for being nice to the ones without SEN.

Love this!

I would certainly not expect this in a UK state school

Morph22010 · 01/06/2023 14:30

ThisJenistheInternet · 01/06/2023 12:48

I hope the children with SEN can have an award for being nice to the ones without SEN.

Tbh that’s as bad why should any be singled out for being nice to another “group”, to reverse the black-white analogy it’s like giving the black kids awards for being nice to the white kids

Starlightstarbright1 · 01/06/2023 14:34

My question is are children with Sen’s except from this award ?

gogohmm · 01/06/2023 15:04

My dd did get recognition for helping to set up an inclusion programme, she has asd herself and is mainstream educated, but she was asked to be on the advisory panel

L1ttledrummergirl · 01/06/2023 15:07

On a bigger note, they do this with fundraisers like children in need and comic relief.
My dp were furious when dsibling appeared on TV as a special needs case begging for funds. The school hadn't told parents that dc would be used in this way, my dp would have refused permission.

Attitudes haven't changed much in the last 30 years, as shown in these behaviours.

ASimpleLampoon · 01/06/2023 15:13

The bar is so low for N T kids when it comes to basic decency towards anyone different.

RafaistheKingofClay · 01/06/2023 15:15

IsThatReallyNecessary · 01/06/2023 12:45

NC as this is based on a Facebook post and on the off chance I'm recognised (my DC doesn't want his ASD and learning delay public knowledge). I don't know if IABU and over sensitive. Have a friend who has super high achieving children, academically, sportingly and musically. Her posts are full of their achievements which is nice to see. Usually like, well done and carry on.

The last achievement left me a bit speechless. It was an award for being kind to, helping and making an effort to include children who are in the special education program. WTF? So they are using children with SN as the basis of a reward for children without SN, who probably find everything to do with school about 10,000 times easier than said children with SN? A little pat on the back, complete with certificate and award ceremony in front of parents for deigning to notice and be decent to another child. They're all human. All credit to her child for being kind, but why specify the special education? Doesn't really say a lot about the school or their expectations of the pupils does it? Is it a US/UK culture difference?

YABU and over sensitive.
YANBU - a group of children should not be used for an award like this

I think it may be a bit of cultural difference in that we probably aren’t talking about children in the same mainstream classroom or possibly even in the playground as you would see in most schools. It’ll be what we would think of as a special needs school operating on the same site for children who are not in mainstream.

which doesn’t make it better but I’d guess it’s more equivalent to the poster who’s child was given a certificate for helping out in a special needs school than being given one for being a friend or just being nice to or playing with children with SEN.