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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To block SCs mum's number

40 replies

CarefullyGrace · 01/06/2023 10:32

My husband's ex and DSCs mum has always been a pita but she mellowed slightly when she met her (now ex) DP a few years ago.

She has since split from him and is now starting up again with the, in my opinion, entitled and rude behaviour.

She has had my number now "for emergencies" for about 2 years and to be fair whilst she's been happy and settled in her relationship hasn't really used it for much.

But since she's separated there have been a few instances where she's contacted me directly that have really pissed me off and I've felt have been cheeky and rude (and just odd, I mean just contact your children's dad, why message me?).

I don't like conflict myself so have always been perfectly pleasant whilst also maintaining a distance from her. I don't go out of my way to be super friendly, I'm just civil and polite if I see her and that's really the extent of it from my side. Despite her being quite horrid about me at the start (again before she was in a relationship which seems to be the pattern).

I have an 8 month old baby at home, my first, and I'm struggling with sleep (he is still a nightmare for it!) this has really be affecting me.

Anyway, I received a message out of the blue a few days ago from DHs ex asking if I'd watch DSC for the full day because she had been invited out. This was out of the blue, no request initially sent to DH. I ignored this for a while because I was busy at the time and then DH received a message not long after asking him to ask me (DH would be working this day as it was her day to have DSC). I told DH no because I'm struggling at the min mentally and physically and it's too much by myself right now, he passed the message to his ex briefly explaining that baby isn't sleeping and it's too much for me by myself right now and he's working so would have to be no. He then got a shitty reply back saying 'fine I'll just stay single forever then, tell her thanks'... As if that's my problem?

Another example, not long before this she sent me a shirty message about DSC not being allowed a sleepover. For context, DSC has had a lot of sleepovers at our house before, we said no on one occasion because our baby had a really awful night the night before and we thought was coming down with something and I said not that night. DSC was a bit sulky about it, fine they are a child! And obviously told their mum who messaged me directly saying I should be careful not to make everything about my baby and DSC should still be allowed their friends over blah blah blah.. I've never stopped them having friends over apart from on the odd occasion it doesn't work for other members of the family, surely that is just normal? I just felt she made herself look like an absolute weirdo and again, why message me why not message DH if she has a problem?

Anyway, to my AIBU now. In light of these incidents recently AIBU to just block her now. She's never needed my number and she has DHs obviously anyway. I can't be arsed dealing with her and her mentality that everyone owes her something and her tantrums when she doesn't get it (if you can't tell these examples are not the only ones!)

Questions I imagine I'll be asked, DSC are 6 and 9 and they stay with us 2 nights one week and 3 nights the next alternating the weekends so one week we will have Sat and Sun nights, the next week it will be Weds, Thurs and Fri nights.

OP posts:
SmartHome · 01/06/2023 10:35

You've not a swered the most pertinent question which is when did you come on the scene? Before or after they split up?

Anyway, in your position I would just gre rock her and say "speak to DH" in response to any communication.

CarefullyGrace · 01/06/2023 10:37

Definitely after!

OP posts:
MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 01/06/2023 10:37

YANBU. I'd block her too. All communication should be going through your DH.

You're not their parent it's not your responsibility to have them if both parents are busy.

whumpthereitis · 01/06/2023 10:37

How is when she came on the scene relevant? Anything regarding the child should be sorted between the parents of said child, OP isn’t required to participate.

CurlewKate · 01/06/2023 10:38

If there are children involved then I don't think you should block her. But why didn't you just reply straight back with "Sorry, I can't babysit that day."

InceyWinceySpidy · 01/06/2023 10:39

SmartHome · 01/06/2023 10:35

You've not a swered the most pertinent question which is when did you come on the scene? Before or after they split up?

Anyway, in your position I would just gre rock her and say "speak to DH" in response to any communication.

Did you confuse pertinent with completely irrelevant? Because it is.

And OP, she sounds beyond a dickhead, I'd block her, absolutely.

CarefullyGrace · 01/06/2023 10:39

CurlewKate · 01/06/2023 10:38

If there are children involved then I don't think you should block her. But why didn't you just reply straight back with "Sorry, I can't babysit that day."

Because I was in the middle of something and it wasn't a priority right that second.

She only waited about an hour and a half before messaging DH to ask me.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 01/06/2023 10:41

I don’t think her asking you to take care of her was a problem. You said no which is also fair enough.

i think stopping your husbands daughter from staying over was wrong though so can see why the step mum was pissed off at that one!

otherwayup · 01/06/2023 10:41

I blocked my ex's wife a couple of years ago, such a great feeling.
My youngest turned 18 a few months ago so I've now blocked my ex dh too. Bliss.

After over a decade of shitty messages from them both, it feels bloody marvellous.
My dc see their Dad a couple of times a month for a few hours and the eldest arranges this via text, so they are oblivious that I'm no contact with them both.

Sirzy · 01/06/2023 10:42

Sorry I misunderstood the sleepover and thought you were stopping the Step Daughter staying over not her friends. In that case it’s nothing to do with her mother

BonnieBobbin · 01/06/2023 10:43

I think it's irresponsible to block her tbh. What if it is an emergency and she's tried your DH first and hasn't got him?
Just deal with her messages at the time. If you don't want to reply to her, forward it to DH saying 'no I can't babysit' but you need to respond to your ex.
Your DH is stirring by giving her too much information (you're not sleeping because of the baby) and then carrying comments back to you (her comment about being single). Tell him to grow up and stop that.

CarefullyGrace · 01/06/2023 10:44

Sirzy · 01/06/2023 10:41

I don’t think her asking you to take care of her was a problem. You said no which is also fair enough.

i think stopping your husbands daughter from staying over was wrong though so can see why the step mum was pissed off at that one!

Sorry I should have clarified much better. It wasn't his child I stopped staying over, they wanted a friend to sleepover and I said no not tonight, they are always giddy and noisy no matter how often they are reminded when friends stay over and at the time I thought our baby was coming down with something and wasn't sleeping.

Its not necessarily her asking, although I personally think it's cheeky when we have next to no relationship really and she's been horrid about me before, it's the response of 'ill just stay single forever then tell her thanks' as if her love life is my responsibility in any way. I don't care if she stays single forever, she's not my friend, I don't owe her childcare because she wants to go on a date.

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 01/06/2023 10:45

SmartHome · 01/06/2023 10:35

You've not a swered the most pertinent question which is when did you come on the scene? Before or after they split up?

Anyway, in your position I would just gre rock her and say "speak to DH" in response to any communication.

What a ridiculous thing to say, step parents do not have to justify that they did not have an affair to satisfy people online so they know whether to vilify them or not, it has absolutely no bearing on the subject matter.

I would OP. She doesn't need your number, she can contact your DH.

mauricemossmylove · 01/06/2023 10:47

there's no reason for you to have to be contactable, any discussion around the SDC should be between mum and dad. I've been a SM for over 7 years and never had a conversation with BM, I leave that to DP as they are his kids!

CarefullyGrace · 01/06/2023 10:47

What if it is an emergency and she's tried your DH first and hasn't got him?

What would she do if I didn't exist? Who does DH ring in an emergency if he can't get hold of her straight away given she's not got a partner?

OP posts:
BonnieBobbin · 01/06/2023 10:50

I don't know the answers to those questions but presumably you do. Since they have DCs together it is important they are contactable in emergencies and that there's a back-up.

CarefullyGrace · 01/06/2023 10:53

I guess MIL could be the back up. I think she'd be less likely to take the piss out of MIL, she's a bit harder than me 😂

OP posts:
Redshoeblueshoe · 01/06/2023 11:01

She doesn't need to be able to contact you. So what if there's an emergency - she'll just have to deal with it. Just like every other single parent.

CornishGem1975 · 01/06/2023 11:02

I have never had a single word of contact with my DH's ex-wife and vice versa for my ex-husband. There's absolutely no need.

aSofaNearYou · 01/06/2023 11:07

BonnieBobbin · 01/06/2023 10:50

I don't know the answers to those questions but presumably you do. Since they have DCs together it is important they are contactable in emergencies and that there's a back-up.

Parents who aren't separated or who don't have partners manage without that. That's just normality.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/06/2023 11:08

Do it. I’ve never had the ex’s number nor she mine. The what if it’s an emergency thing is ridiculous. The children have two parents, they’re responsible for them, you are not.

And of course it’s taking the piss for her to ask for a favour directly, you’re not friends.

Do it now and I hope things improve with your baby’s sleep soon.

BonnieBobbin · 01/06/2023 11:09

CarefullyGrace · 01/06/2023 10:53

I guess MIL could be the back up. I think she'd be less likely to take the piss out of MIL, she's a bit harder than me 😂

That's perfect then! Tell Dh to tell his ex that she's to contact MIL if she can't get hold of him. Grin

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 01/06/2023 11:10

Definitely not being unreasonable. The comment about her being single is ridiculous. She has 5 days a fortnight for dates etc which is more than most get I am sure!

CwmYoy · 01/06/2023 11:11

whumpthereitis · 01/06/2023 10:37

How is when she came on the scene relevant? Anything regarding the child should be sorted between the parents of said child, OP isn’t required to participate.

First wives club needs to know. Nearly always asked and nearly always irrelevant.

Hoping to put the boot in.

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 01/06/2023 11:12

Just block her. If you weren't with your dh she would find another babysitter....