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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To block SCs mum's number

40 replies

CarefullyGrace · 01/06/2023 10:32

My husband's ex and DSCs mum has always been a pita but she mellowed slightly when she met her (now ex) DP a few years ago.

She has since split from him and is now starting up again with the, in my opinion, entitled and rude behaviour.

She has had my number now "for emergencies" for about 2 years and to be fair whilst she's been happy and settled in her relationship hasn't really used it for much.

But since she's separated there have been a few instances where she's contacted me directly that have really pissed me off and I've felt have been cheeky and rude (and just odd, I mean just contact your children's dad, why message me?).

I don't like conflict myself so have always been perfectly pleasant whilst also maintaining a distance from her. I don't go out of my way to be super friendly, I'm just civil and polite if I see her and that's really the extent of it from my side. Despite her being quite horrid about me at the start (again before she was in a relationship which seems to be the pattern).

I have an 8 month old baby at home, my first, and I'm struggling with sleep (he is still a nightmare for it!) this has really be affecting me.

Anyway, I received a message out of the blue a few days ago from DHs ex asking if I'd watch DSC for the full day because she had been invited out. This was out of the blue, no request initially sent to DH. I ignored this for a while because I was busy at the time and then DH received a message not long after asking him to ask me (DH would be working this day as it was her day to have DSC). I told DH no because I'm struggling at the min mentally and physically and it's too much by myself right now, he passed the message to his ex briefly explaining that baby isn't sleeping and it's too much for me by myself right now and he's working so would have to be no. He then got a shitty reply back saying 'fine I'll just stay single forever then, tell her thanks'... As if that's my problem?

Another example, not long before this she sent me a shirty message about DSC not being allowed a sleepover. For context, DSC has had a lot of sleepovers at our house before, we said no on one occasion because our baby had a really awful night the night before and we thought was coming down with something and I said not that night. DSC was a bit sulky about it, fine they are a child! And obviously told their mum who messaged me directly saying I should be careful not to make everything about my baby and DSC should still be allowed their friends over blah blah blah.. I've never stopped them having friends over apart from on the odd occasion it doesn't work for other members of the family, surely that is just normal? I just felt she made herself look like an absolute weirdo and again, why message me why not message DH if she has a problem?

Anyway, to my AIBU now. In light of these incidents recently AIBU to just block her now. She's never needed my number and she has DHs obviously anyway. I can't be arsed dealing with her and her mentality that everyone owes her something and her tantrums when she doesn't get it (if you can't tell these examples are not the only ones!)

Questions I imagine I'll be asked, DSC are 6 and 9 and they stay with us 2 nights one week and 3 nights the next alternating the weekends so one week we will have Sat and Sun nights, the next week it will be Weds, Thurs and Fri nights.

OP posts:
Lkgcsr · 01/06/2023 11:30

I don’t see the issue in blocking her as in an emergency (assuming really it’s related to his DC) you’d still need to call your DH and if she can’t get hold of him then you wouldn’t be able to either.
I also think that if you just ignore her and let your DH handle it as you have been then she’ll stop. Also I don’t think your DH needs to explain why you can’t look after your DSC, he can just say that you can’t without explanation

Reugny · 01/06/2023 11:32

Block her.

My DP's ex doesn't have my contact details due to get own foul behaviour.

My own mother only contacted my step-mother because she offered to help. She wouldn't have otherwise.

In regards to emergencies your OH's ex will have neighbours and friends who live near her. If she doesn't then she needs to sort that out.

MoroccanRoseHChurch · 01/06/2023 11:52

I’ve had my SDC’s mum blocked for years.

It was only a bit on an embarrassment once, when the DCs wanted to use my phone to text her and I had to do a panicked scramble to give some excuse why they needed to use my work phone to do it 😳 she doesn’t need to contact me ever. Ever ever. She absolutely would if she could. I wonder if in-fact she’s been texting me for years, thinking I’m ignoring her.

KingOfThieves · 01/06/2023 11:52

I wouldn’t block her, sounds like she was having a bad day. It also wouldn’t change anything surely? The end result would have been the same. She have contacted your OH and got the same answer

InSpainTheRain · 01/06/2023 12:42

YANBU to block her - but definitely tell DP you are doing this before you do it.

VDisappointing · 01/06/2023 12:51

You are this child's stepmum - I am not sure why when she texted you you just didn't say no and she had to text your ex.
Re the sleepover of her friend seems reasonable.
Blocking seems petty to me.

candlesflamesandbrooms · 01/06/2023 13:09

I'm people who don't like boundaries are people who routinely break them.

Block her number. Having your number is a curtesy, one which gets taken away when you act like a arse.

And she can give her ML number for emergencies lol so sorted ✅

greyhairnomore · 01/06/2023 13:14

SmartHome · 01/06/2023 10:35

You've not a swered the most pertinent question which is when did you come on the scene? Before or after they split up?

Anyway, in your position I would just gre rock her and say "speak to DH" in response to any communication.

Irrelevant.

CarefullyGrace · 01/06/2023 18:33

KingOfThieves · 01/06/2023 11:52

I wouldn’t block her, sounds like she was having a bad day. It also wouldn’t change anything surely? The end result would have been the same. She have contacted your OH and got the same answer

She must be having a bad day often then!

I guess the end result is that I don't have to deal with it/think about it/know about it and therefore it doesn't wind me up. I'll tell DH not to mention anything she says to me too.

OP posts:
Floofydawg · 01/06/2023 18:41

Yep, defo block. You owe her nothing. She clearly thinks you're some kind of free babysitter.

SemperIdem · 01/06/2023 18:53

SmartHome · 01/06/2023 10:35

You've not a swered the most pertinent question which is when did you come on the scene? Before or after they split up?

Anyway, in your position I would just gre rock her and say "speak to DH" in response to any communication.

I’m not sure how that is at all pertinent to the AIBU presented?

SemperIdem · 01/06/2023 18:55

YANBU by the way op.

She’s an arse and there is not reason for you to deal with her directly, so don’t!

She is your husband’s ex, not yours. She is his cross to bear.

MoroccanRoseHChurch · 01/06/2023 18:58

I guess the end result is that I don't have to deal with it/think about it/know about it and therefore it doesn't wind me up.

You’re absolutely right.

ArnoldBee · 01/06/2023 19:03

You need to stop making the baby as an excuse - as is often written on here no is a complete sentence.

sonjadog · 01/06/2023 19:14

I would probably just ignore her, but if it is winding you up and on are on edge, then block her. Just let your DH know so that he can give her another emergency contact if he wants to.

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