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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner has no respect

57 replies

Shh123 · 31/05/2023 22:39

Partners royally pissed me off. He's a lazy shit does no cooking or cleaning or washing or looking after the children his excuse "IvE bEeN WoRkInG AlL DaY" and I work nights yet I still manage to do those things and more he does things like there's noone else in the house or like I've told him he acts single. For example.
Hes ment to finish work early after noon no later than 2 didn't step foot through the door until 6 did he let me know his plan did he fuck!

Never texts or calls me when he's out of the house

Comes in from work bam staight on the sofa on his phone like hello I'm right here!! yes I've had a good day thank for asking!! As soon as he's finished his dinner that I've cooked whole still at the dinner table straight back on his phone ignoring everyone not even a thank you for dinner.

Evening spent on his phone and youtube
Oh and will fall asleep on the sofa with said phone in his hand
Wakes up in the morning (days off) then spends an hour at least on his phone until he gets his arse out of bed. Not like he has 2 kids under four down stairs

He moans at me for using my phone when he has something to say but gets all defensive and denies usage when I mentioned his or ignores me when I want to chat.

So AIBU I've not uttered one word to him for 3days and have gone to bed once the kids are in bed. He can have my company when he starts acting like a partner and not a phone obsessed that!!

OP posts:
StarDolphins · 31/05/2023 22:42

But you’re putting up with it why? Just tell him to start actively joking in family family & bring grateful or be single. No way I would put up with this, I want someon that adds something good to my life.

StarDolphins · 31/05/2023 22:43

*joining not joking! Unless he needs to work on his SOH too

mdinbc · 31/05/2023 22:43

I'm afraid the silent treatment never really works, you need to talk to him and let him know you are dong everything.

GrazingSheep · 31/05/2023 22:47

I feel sorry for your children.
Put yourselves in their shoes.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/05/2023 22:48

The person you should be angry with is yourself. You're the one tolerating this bullshit. He's never going to change, love, so you have to if you want a happy life. You'll never have one with him.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 31/05/2023 22:48

So apparently the silent treatment is abuse.

Beyond that, either leave him or accept what you’ve got. I’m sorry you’re in this situation but I feel like this is the bazillionth thread about this. There isn’t a thing that anyone can do about your partner. There isn’t anything you can do about your partner. So really you can either yell to the rafters and accept it or decide you want different and leave.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/05/2023 22:49

mdinbc · 31/05/2023 22:43

I'm afraid the silent treatment never really works, you need to talk to him and let him know you are dong everything.

He already knows. Very keenly. He doesn't give a fuck.

Notimeforaname · 31/05/2023 22:50

Ignoring him won't make him act how youd like him to. You'll just get more frustrated.

You'll actually have to talk to him and tell him all of this.
He will decide if he's actually going to do anything about it and then you can decide at what point you bow out if he doesn't.

Only other option is to accept this is your life.

You cant control him into being the partner you want.

Original poster
Shh123 · 31/05/2023 22:55

He knows all this I repeat it multiple times a week
In no way am I abusing him!
Is it really that hard to priorities your partner over a phone?!
It's beyond a joke.
It fucks me off that I've had to change dramatically since having my children yet he still thinks he can live his life like we don't exist in it!

Oh and my children are perfectly fine

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 31/05/2023 22:57

Oh and my children are perfectly fine

That is probably what you tell yourself but they will be very aware of the atmosphere in the home and the lack of respect between their parents.

Wishitsnows · 31/05/2023 22:57

Certainly don’t cook for him! You would be better off without him. I hope your life improves

Aquamarine1029 · 31/05/2023 22:58

Oh and my children are perfectly fine

No they're not. They're living in a home with a father who is totally disinterested in their lives, who treats their mother horribly, who doesn't model respect or consideration whatsoever, and as a result their mum is desperately unhappy.

Your kids aren't fine at all.

ChrisTrepidation · 31/05/2023 23:01

Your children aren't fine. They have a lazy selfish twat for a father and a mother who is showing them that women should put up with this shit.

Why are you putting up with it? Do you want a miserable life for you and your DC?

Original poster
Shh123 · 31/05/2023 23:04

I do my share plus his share on looking after the children my middle ive told daddy's tired from work he seems content with that youngest is only 4 months old.

I can only do so much i might as well be single.
I am happy around my children just depressed as you will when they're in bed

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 31/05/2023 23:05

And what about your eldest?

ChrisTrepidation · 31/05/2023 23:05

So become single if you might as well be. Kick him out!

They aren't content with it. They just don't know how to express it. Children aren't stupid!

AnyFucker · 31/05/2023 23:07

i might as well be single

Do that then. What is the point of him ?

Original poster
Shh123 · 31/05/2023 23:08

GrazingSheep · 31/05/2023 23:05

And what about your eldest?

Shes 13 and tells him he's disrespectful and makes daily comments that "you're always on your phone" he just strops like a kid when his phone is mentioned

OP posts:
Original poster
Shh123 · 31/05/2023 23:09

I might as well be single but doesn't mean I want to be I just want him to see that his behaviour sometimes over steps the mark

OP posts:
ChrisTrepidation · 31/05/2023 23:13

But he's never going to see because he doesn't care.

It is one of the most painful realisations when you accept that your partner and the father of your children doesn't give a shit. I've been there myself.

It will liberate you though. This is no life for you or your DC. Get rid for them if not yourself.

Circumferences · 31/05/2023 23:13

He sounds like a completely inadequate human being.

What the hell do you actually get from this relationship?

You could leave him, get benefits and social housing and a much better deal because you'd have no twat in your house to tidy up after and cook for.

Azandme · 31/05/2023 23:14

Shh123 · 31/05/2023 23:09

I might as well be single but doesn't mean I want to be I just want him to see that his behaviour sometimes over steps the mark

Sometimes?

Your CHILD is calling out his shitty behaviour! That's not right - she shouldn't be in a situation where she feels that's required.

You are describing a toxic situation for everyone - and now you're minimising.

You've vented, which is a start, but what are you going to DO about it?

Original poster
Shh123 · 31/05/2023 23:18

Azandme · 31/05/2023 23:14

Sometimes?

Your CHILD is calling out his shitty behaviour! That's not right - she shouldn't be in a situation where she feels that's required.

You are describing a toxic situation for everyone - and now you're minimising.

You've vented, which is a start, but what are you going to DO about it?

Show quote history

Shes only repeating what I say I have told her it's not her place and it's mine and DP issue she shouldn't get wrapped up in it.
Why no one listens to me I don't know
Yeas all of this doesn't sound good at all I do know this, maybe only just realising how bad it really is
How hard is it to get up with the children in the morning or cook a dinner of give me a few hours of his attention in the evening

OP posts:
Original poster
Shh123 · 31/05/2023 23:19

Azandme · 31/05/2023 23:14

Sometimes?

Your CHILD is calling out his shitty behaviour! That's not right - she shouldn't be in a situation where she feels that's required.

You are describing a toxic situation for everyone - and now you're minimising.

You've vented, which is a start, but what are you going to DO about it?

Show quote history

I think he needs to leave but it's not as simple as that we have alot of stuff in joint names accounts etc

OP posts:
ChrisTrepidation · 31/05/2023 23:21

But she's going to get wrapped up in it because it's her life every day.

It shouldn't be her life.

It is too hard for him to do the things you mention because he is a lazy inadequate shit who doesn't care. He will never care.

This will be your life and by default your DC life unless you kick him out.