To think people should stop referring to their kids other parent as “my ex”

[Divorcedalongtime]

It was one of the most useful tips I took onboard after my divorce 12 years ago.
after all, that persons main role in your life is that they are your child’s other parent not that you once shared a bed with them.

Yes I agree, it would be better to refer to them as "jane's dad" or some such title.

Or in the case of my ex husband - that pillock.

What do you call them? I'm sure they don't refer to them as 'my ex' to the children, surely they're 'your mum/dad'? As for other people, well they are your ex-husband/wife aren't they, 'my children's other parent who I'm no longer in a romantic relationship with' is slightly cumbersome!

I think it depends on the situation. If my ex ever did any actual parenting, I'd respectfully refer to him as my children's other parent. When he messages them between 6 monthly-apart visits, shows any kind of interest in their schooling, hobbies, health, or social life, and when he takes time off work to spend with them when they (rarely) visit rather than dumping them with his elderly parents, I would be more than happy to recognise his parenting skills & refer to him as their other parent rather than just my ex.

As it is, their step-dad is more of their 'other parent'.

I refer to mine as "my former husband" - we're friends and coparents, and "ex" is too harsh. If I'm specifically talking about him in relation to dd then I say "dd's dad".

This. My ex is not involved through his own choice, I'm loathe to give him the title of "dad". So he's my ex.

Surely it depends on the context.
When I'm taking to DC I'd call him Daddy/your Daddy. Eg, "have you spoken to Daddy this week?"

If I'm talking to someone who knew him when we were together I'd use his name.

If its someone I've met since I'd use "my ex" or "DCs dad" depending on why I was wasting my breath on him.

More succinct than the sperm donor. 😂

Context counts. When talking to friends, my family or colleagues when ds is absent, he's my ex. He does 20 nights a year max so I'd rather not credit him with a better title.

When ds is present, he's 'your dad'.

Context and what's quicker and easier matter. I refer to my ex's mother as my MiL, even though she isn't anymore, it's just faster. I also refer to my mother's partner as my stepdad. It's just convenient.

Disagree. Calling them "Jane's dad" sounds like they had and have no personal connection to you, like they were some stranger who somehow got you pregnant. "My ex" is clear and succinct. Maybe it would be better for you to examine your own ideas around the 'stigma' of divorce/separated parents.

My "ex-husband" seems perfectly correct and respectful.

I think ex is fine. It doesn't need to have any pejorative connotation, it just means you are no longer married/together. Obviously nobody uses the term to their children, you would just say "your dad".

Sorry what should they be referred to then? My ex isn't around and we weren't married. He isn't involved so just refer to him as ex sounds right you do realise many fathers aren't involved?

Just because it was the most useful tip for you doesn't mean it will be for others.
For some people it will be an important distinction that they are not still with the father.

Still bitter about the divorce are we?
He IS your ex.
Your ex husband even

He'll always be your ex
People will always talk to you using that term

You should be able to deal with that 12 bloody years later surely 🤐

I think in front of the kids then "your mum/dad" is fine. Or other people that know them, their name. But "my ex" is perfectly fine and much better than "child's dad" in front of other people as it makes it clear you are not together.

Why though? My ex and I co parent really well due to son with sen and shift work etc we get on really well, he gets on with current partner and there is no negativity about the split or relationship, I even call current partner Ex name sometimes I am terrible with names. It’s quite laid back. I call kids dad his name or look kids your dad is here but refer to him as my ex if I’m talking about him. Which is likely not in front of the kids.

Referring to them as ex just sounds so very bitter. My kids dad is more descriptive and means I don’t hold on to any negative feelings from our relationship because that’s pointless and the only thing that matters is that that person is my children’s dad.

Referring to them as ex just sounds so very bitter

It honestly doesn't, unless you bring that bitterness to it. You could say "my kid's dad" just as bitterly or neutrally or fondly.

Both my Ds and I refer to him as 'the sperm donor'. Mainly because he was an abusive asshat and D's doesn't want anything to do with him.

My babydaddy? Not sure that is any better.

Surely for people who know both of you, it would be just “Simon” or whatever their actual name is. For people who don’t, “my ex” is no worse than “my current partner” or “my mum”.

Obviously “daddy” or “your father” or something to the children. As I assume you did when you were still married.

I know when my mum is really pissed off with my dad because she'll say "your father" instead of his name. Eg. Do you know what your father did to my tree? They've been married over 50 years.😆

To me, "my kid's dad" sounds like I wasn't married and a tad Jeremy Kyle. I was married, I'm not anymore. There are lots of things I could call him (and do with my closest friends) but to the wider world, I say "my ex husband". To DD, "your father".

How you say it, imo, is much more telling about anger or bitterness than what you say.