To think people should stop referring to their kids other parent as “my ex”

[Divorcedalongtime]

It was one of the most useful tips I took onboard after my divorce 12 years ago.
after all, that persons main role in your life is that they are your child’s other parent not that you once shared a bed with them.

I might be biased because I genuinely hate his guts, but I disagree and the opposite is true for me.

For me 'the children's father' conveys MORE negativity because it puts more distance between us.

Please, OP, when posting threads like this and lecturing other women on how to relate to their exes, remember that some women (and their children) have suffered appalling abuse and have every right to harbour strong negative feelings. Using words like 'bitter' completely minimises that and implies an expectation that they should be civil to and about men who absolutely don't deserve it. Watch your privilege - and your misogyny.

If I'm talking about the children, I say my children's dad. But might say 'my ex' if just talking about adults.

I agree. Even if your "ex" is a dick you should show them some respect and be a role model to your kids

I agree. Even if your "ex" is a dick beat you to a pulp you should show them some respect and be a role model to your kids

Does that still work for you @Nicecow ?

Some people don't have a clue that some exes are more than a bit of a dick.

what about that fucking dickhead?

That’s how I refer to him. Also refer to him as it.

bitter. Yes why not? Abused me and my children for close to two and half decades.

my dc call him spermdonor amongst themselves.

everyone’s happy.

nobody knows what dickhead feels as nobody speak to him or cares

Well yes obviously that's an extreme situation 🙄 but plenty of people speak negatively about their partners (male or female) and it's ultimately bad for the kids.

I’m a role model to my dc. By calling a dickhead a dickhead, by agreeing and validating their feelings and memories of him.

by allowing my children to vent their feelings and allowing them to express their hurt and anger.

I'm a role model to my children by telling them they don’t need to be ‘nice’ (read mugs) and polite and cover up for an abusive man.

my dc are pretty awesome and fearless and know they don’t need to make their abuser look good or hide their utter contempt for him.

I’ll carry on being bitter. I like it.

To my kids: your dad
To all others: shiteface

Referring to them as ex just sounds so very bitter. My kids dad is more descriptive and means I don’t hold on to any negative feelings from our relationship because that’s pointless and the only thing that matters is that that person is my children’s dad

The only reason I don't hold any negative feelings is because my dd is a grown up and it doesn't hurt as much anymore to know that he spent more on his dogs than he ever did on her.

An extreme but shockingly common example. Nice of you to roll your eyes rather than acknowledge that what you wrote dismisses all those women's experiences.

Not at all, was rolling my eyes at your attempt to derail a useful discussion. I think logic would say that we weren't talking about extreme examples. Where possible it is good to speak well about an "ex" partner, when you speak ill of them, children tend to take some of this on themselves (given they are half of this parent) and it causes them problems later in life. I know lots of adults now who have mummy or daddy issues. Generally we want to do best for our kids so not speaking negatively about their parent is usually seen as a good thing, by actual qualified professionals. HTH.

Tbh if someone said my children’s father I wouldn’t immediately assume they were broken up. I will stick to referring to him as my ex.

We never refer to our kids other parent as our exes. In his case he was with her for 15 years and refers to her as 'the kids mum'. In my case he decided not to be a father after a two year relationship and has been fairly true to form although is around technically just does nothing and I still refer to him as 'the kids dad'. Or we just use their first names. No need to say the ex at all really.