To think AIBU Is 50% full of opinionated nasty people

[Bilbo1237]

Ever get the impression people just love to tell your wrong it a really horrible way.
you post on here and have to accept people with think differently to you but the amount of comments I see that are just quite nasty in the way they say it.
no need in my opion, you can say what you think but no need to be quite so aggressive.

What is rude though? There are an awful lot of posts on MN asking if something is "rude" and there generally is not a lot of consensus.

MN is a social media forum so by definition is going to consist of a lot of people dipping in and out quickly. Many people don't want to take the time (or simply aren't eloquent enough) to couch their response in careful, thoughtful ways.
As long as they are not making personal attacks, I can't see a problem with direct.

I work in an analytical job and also with lots of neuro diverse people (that's relevant as it's often harder for a ND person to understand the niceties of stating an opinion versus stating it in "nice" terms). Blunt is normal for me. It makes the point. Rude would be attacking a person. Attacking a point made is not rude.

I think probably assuming the person you are replying to is NT? And that you possibly don't know everything about them?

I'm sure you are more thoughtful in RL - I mean when do you ever have to be direct to the point of rudeness in RL anyway? Even HR departments and teachers try and couch criticism in a positive these days!

What is nasty? Other than using the word moaning I've literally just given an overview of the information OP has shared to give her an insight.

Because its unpleasant, bullish and a bit weird to stalk a poster to make a point.

'An insight'! Here we go.

You have NO IDEA or insight into anyone on this forum and it's sad really that you think you do. Half of the posts are probably bullshit anyway!

OP asked a question, I tried to give an honest answer. I don't personally advanced search but hard to answer this OP without. Mumsnet would be totally pointless if we never used critical thinking and every reply was 'you're totally right!'.

Everyone else on here had formed an opinion without throwing the OPs posting history back in her face. That's not 'blunt' or 'direct', that's underhand and manipulative.

Without advance searching how could you possibly know what OP was referring to? She could be complaining about responses to her like of beans on toast for tea or responses to a thread she started telling everyone they are a bunch of cunts.

I once posted early morning-ish about a problem I was having. I only got 4/5 replies by late afternoon which I replied to. I then I had to take my children to swimming lessons, sort out tea and entertain the younger cling on child before bedtime. I went back to pages slagging me off for not immediately answering their posts, accusing me of all sorts and this led to other posters then working themselves into a frenzy about it.

I did a stock reply whilst I caught up and followed the advice of the few lovely posters that were helpful. This then resulted in more messages about me not answering - I can read fast but I’m not Johnny 5! I thanked the people that had given good advice and said I was leaving the post. I name changed immediately and I have never started a thread since. 😂 I’m just glad it was a small problem and not one which had caused me to be in a fragile state as the pile on was quite stressful. I wasn’t new to AIBU either!

So you ask people online for their opinions and then get annoyed about people being opinionated?

If you want certain and unwavering validation, just talk to yourself op,

Lol

Not one person has posted anything like that in your current thread.

I think there's a fair proportion of posters who come here for a bunfight or to boost their sense of superiority. The ones whonhave never made a mistake in their lives, according to their online persona. In RL they are probably living in a bin somewhere.

I agree. Not everyone is going to agree with you OP, people will have their own opinions.

Goodoccasionallypoor · Today 11:01
So you ask people online for their opinions and then get annoyed about people being opinionated?

If you want certain and unwavering validation, just talk to yourself op,

It's not the message - it's the medium that is the problem!

Disagreement and challenge - sure - but not rudeness or aggression. I don't get how people can't grasp the difference between the two.

eg YABU because your expectations were probably unrealistic in this case. (Follow with constructive tips/advice).

Please, not: Get a life - you sound like an entitled twat.

Surely the difference is not hard to understand.

The op specifically complains about posters being 'opinionated' which I read as code for 'views differing from mine'.

And your 'Surely the difference is not hard to understand' is a tad passive aggressive is it not? Or is it ok for you to behave like this as long as no one else does?

Yes it is, as is the post having a go at the OP's spelling.

What is rude though? There are an awful lot of posts on MN asking if something is "rude" and there generally is not a lot of consensus.

Indeed. Good manners are subjective. There are some things I consider appallingly rude that others think are a-okay. Likewise, I see threads where I can't believe the fuss being kicked up about what I see as a triviality, whereas for them the faux pas is worse than stripping naked and doing the can-can in the middle of an A1 roundabout.

A good many seem to miss the pertinent point. 'YES! You were rude!', they gleefully cry, whilst failing to recognize that sometimes rudeness is the necessary, even the desirable response. I see this in particular where exhortations to 'be kind, he might be lonely' are given to override the constant male invasion of female privacy and space.

'Politeness', in some instances, is downright dangerous.

These might superficially be different issues than the AIBU sport of kicking OPs when they're down, but do often tend to overlap with them. How dare a woman be rude, or selfish? There's a noticeable drive by some women to put other women back into their box. And in AIBU it seems to have found a natural home.

YANBU - there are some absolute cunts on here! Bitchy bullies who are horrible and unhelpful!!

If you wanna know how unreasonable you are, well... I'll tell you .
And won't sugar-coat it either .

Some people that post on AIBU are in need of some eye opening response I feel 😅

Like the " my husband spent the night at a woman's house he had never met before but he said it was only because she was drunk and he said the condoms I found in his bag were from a few years ago. Aibu to feel a bit jealous? He used to cheat on me when we first got together but he now is a great husband and a fantastic father the rest of the time"

Errrr...😐😐😐

Or the vast amount of NON AIBU posted in AIBU

Oh the irony!

If the OP is starting threads regularly it does suggest that she doesn’t find the experience entirely unhelpful.