AIBU for getting upset husband selling family car for his motorbike?

[Carlou]

we do have two cars. I work shiftwork so not in the same hours as everyone else including husband. We 9 years off retiring and kids have grown. Have only just paid off mortgage after a long slog mainly by me whilst he used our money (and my inheritance money) to buy a company of his own (that we sold at considerable loss 3 yrs ago). Now husband insisting he sells HIS car (which has tow bar and we and other family members use regularly as a work horse) so that he can buy his dream motorcycle. He listed the vehicle without even consulting me and wouldn't listen when I tried to talk to him about it. He has a motorcycle in shed he stripped down years ago but never got fixed mainly due to money issues when he wasn't bringing in a wage and I was keeping the household afloat. This one he was going to sell to help finance his dream machine but now he insists he is going to have both! My vehicle is small, and couldn't tow even if it did have a tow bar. Am I wrong to be upset?

I'd tell him to FTFOTTFSOF, he can sell his car, a start to repay you your inheritance
following this, he is not using your car, he can rebuild the one he has & drive the fuck off into the sunset.

What's your is his, & what's his is his.
Loser

rebuild the bike

Do you need two cars? What do you tow? Will he expect to use yours all the time?

If his car sits parked most of the time and you live in a city and dont really need a car then YABU. If you use it for towing caravans and now you wont be able to go on holiday and it means he expects you to do all shopping, errands etc because you live somewhere where you need a car to do all this stuff then I'd be absolutely raging that he has unilaterally decided I'd be responsible for all this shit, so YANBU

To be honest though this sounds the tip of the ice Berg so it's probably not about the car but about his attitude to your family finances, and that he can generally do what he wants

He could take out a personal loan to buy the bike.

You or the kids buy his car with joint family money.

Also, call in the repayment for your inheritance money.
The car sale money could go to that.
And his motorbike gets purchased with him taking out a personal loan.

What the hell is the point of him??

OP you might not have realized this yet but you are in dire need of a nice new patio.

Make sure he has a back up transport plan for when it’s icy or torrential rain that doesn’t involve lifts or borrowing your car. Does he need it for work daily? If so he’s going to have a miserable winter. Not many people ride bikes every day of the year

Very selfish op. Are you willing to come back and talk about it?

My concern would that he will expect to use your car, e.g. trips to elderly relatives, taking parents to hospital appointments, going food shopping, going on holiday, perhaps some work trips, when he feels like it,
leaving him with a choice of transport and you stranded with no transport. If you took him off the car insurance you could end up with all the family car jobs, perhaps elderly care? You have my sympathies, you can’t put a mid 90 year old on the back of a motorbike to come home from hospital, go to the GP etc.

Brilliant idea! LOL. 🤣😂

FTFOTTFSOF?

I wouldn't let him into your car ever, if he does this. Off to friends for dinner? He can go on the motorbike or take a taxi.

If he doesn't want to have discussions as a family, and only do what is in I'm his own self interest, then he can deal with the consequences.

@TomatoSandwiches That won’t work when his leg is amputated or he suffers a brain injury and OP is his default carer. Sounds like he is not an experienced biker, your reactions slow with age but if you have always biked since a teen and you have gone on advanced bike courses, you are better able to react. There are some careless drink, drug addled car drivers on the road and you have very little protection on a bike.

sounds like this is the top of the ice berg … bet he’s got no pension and relying on yours….

THIS

🙄
Jesus

Don't LTB - give it six months and the chances of him being killed on the motorbike are high. The statistics of over 50s returning to motorcycling and being killed is shocking.

I have held a full m/c licence for 40 years and did a refresher course recently as I was contemplating getting a bike again. It was frightening, not the bike, but the traffic now compared to when I left biking is bloody terrifying.

A common mumsnet handy acronym for a phrase that is needed so regularly it becomes arduous to type out the whole thing

"Fuck The Fuck Off To The Far Side Of Fuck"

In more serious circumstances

FTFOTTFSOFATFOSM may also be used, for the addition of "... And Then Fuck Off Some More"

OP - LTB.

I think I need more context. I don’t have huge problem with motorbikes as others though.

You say you and family members use his car as the ‘work horse’ for what? What’s the knock on effect going to be? What will he do when it rains? Or snows? Or is icy?

I know a lot of people with motorbikes and they all have a car as well. What bike is his dream bike?

In regards to money situation he does sound selfish. Is this a pattern?

Is he working? Or did the business fold and he doesn’t work. What happened with the business? Was he shit at it, or was it out of his control?

Make sure you take him off the insurance for your car so he can't use it as back up, and make it very clear you will not be default taxi service, and he will still need to take turns getting the shopping etc.

And yes, make sure that life insurance Is in place.

Cioildnt agree more.

Yes yabu.

You seem to have agreed to share your life and all your money with a total loser. There's no point feeling upset about it, far too late for that now. A rant on mumsnet to keep you happy while you continue to martyr yourself to your marriage is a stupid way to live.

I'm intrigued by the death rates of those who return to motorbiking in their 50s though

Fuck him and the horse he rode in on. Tell him to take half the cost of the car, get his junk out of the garage and fuck off and find somewhere else to live.

My husband works in intensive care. One thing that’s properly banned in this household is a motorbike, for a bloody good reason. Nothing like someone scraped off the road apparently, sometimes they are barely recognisable as a human being.

He sounds absolutely selfish, up your life insurance on him.