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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with my siblings for insisting our mum gets a Samsung phone?

82 replies

Smangsung · 30/05/2023 21:02

Namechanged for this and swapped a few details.

I am one of 3 siblings. Our dad died last summer which means our mum is now on her own a lot more and using a mobile more than she did. My dad was a massive Apple fan and they both have/had iPads and my mum has an iPhone. My dad had a very old Nokia.

Anyway, my mum's iPhone 6 doesn't retain battery charge very well now as it's old so sibling A suggested that we club together for a new phone for her birthday at the end of February. Great!

We talked about budget and agreed £100 each so I researched refurbed iPhones for that sort of price. Sibling A said that actually it would be much better for mum to have a Samsung as £300 will buy a pretty good new phone. As our mum is in her 80s I thought learning how to use a new phone would be a bit tricky but both siblings overruled me and said Samsung was loads better than Apple.

I have an Apple and they're both Samsung users so I backed down and agreed that we should get her a Samsung.

On her birthday, sibling A said they would stay after the birthday lunch and set the new phone up. After several hours, they gave up as actually it seems it's not that simple to transfer content from an iPhone to a Samsung. They said they'd come back and do it another time.

They were visiting again this weekend. Apparently they were 'too stressed' to do it this time too.

So I've spent £130 (it went up) on a present for my widowed mother on her first birthday after her husband died which is sitting in a drawer. Our dad was a really thoughtful and considerate gift giver. I know our mum will be sad and disappointed.

I don't think AIBU to be pissed off but I'd like suggestions on what to do. I don't want to have to learn how to use the new android phone but is that the only thing I can do?

OP posts:
CarryOnThen · 30/05/2023 21:36

I went from iPhone to Samsung and now Google and I really like androids now. But it does take getting used to and for the first week I struggled. Transferring data is definitely a challenge and it took me a few goes to sort out WhatsApp, you have to make sure it’s been recently backed up and then attach the two phones by a cable. When my mum talked about switching to android I told her not to as I didn’t think she’d find the process easy enough.

Somanycats · 30/05/2023 21:40

I love my own android and bloody hate my work iPhone. Because I've always used android I guess. I would hate to be your mum's age and have to change -that was very short sighted of your siblings. Give her back an apple!

Original poster
Smangsung · 30/05/2023 21:41

Just asked sibling B and they've said they'll sort it this weekend. I still think it's a terrible idea as she's going to find using a new system difficult but it's two against one!

@weathervane1 I would have done that happily!

Fingers crossed it all works out.

Thanks all Smile

OP posts:
GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 21:41

Good luck!

X6hfyib4ms · 30/05/2023 21:47

Agree I only do tech support on devices I know so always buy parents the slightly older version of the Samsung I've got.

Agree sell the Samsung. BUT I think your mum needs to take some responsibility here, ie she's an adult, not a teen who's been given her first phone.

If she can afford it I think she needs to pay the balance to get a new iPhone (I wouldn't do refurb after loads of issues). Then you set it up.

In future, she budgets for new phones or goes on a contract yo pay it off monthly.

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 21:48

X6hfyib4ms · 30/05/2023 21:47

Agree I only do tech support on devices I know so always buy parents the slightly older version of the Samsung I've got.

Agree sell the Samsung. BUT I think your mum needs to take some responsibility here, ie she's an adult, not a teen who's been given her first phone.

If she can afford it I think she needs to pay the balance to get a new iPhone (I wouldn't do refurb after loads of issues). Then you set it up.

In future, she budgets for new phones or goes on a contract yo pay it off monthly.

It’s a birthday present though…

BillyNoM8s · 30/05/2023 21:48

WhatsApp is linked to the phone number. You do a backup within whatsapp on the current phone then should be able to restore everything when you log in on the new device.

KaleSpinachAndGreens · 30/05/2023 21:48

My mum would have to have the same type of phone, even I struggled going from iphone to android ( it’s a pain) luckily I have a family donated iphone again.

Bargellobitch · 30/05/2023 21:54

If it was pretty much any other situation I'd say your being ott. But really you're not at all. Your mum need to communicate now more than ever and smartphone can still feel very new and confusing to somone in their 80s so having something gamilsewma sensible.

nicky2512 · 30/05/2023 21:55

Totally know what you mean. It took ages to teach my dad to use a mobile (dd’s old iPhone). We get calls all the time asking how to do something and it’s easy to help as it will be the same on our phones.
Also there’s no way we could ever teach him to use something different. He just doesn’t take instructions in as well anymore. So much easier to keep things the same for an easy life.

Thetowelsareallwrong · 30/05/2023 21:55

chupachucks · 30/05/2023 21:26

Not exactly hard to learn how to use an android phone. Your over reacting and it sounds like your just pissed off because they did not by an apple phone.

So my hyperbole. Might good for you to sit down and actually have a play around with it and do something useful if it's sat in her draw, take it and learn how to use it, it will only take you a couple of hours.

You never know you might get over the fixation on Apple products, after all there is nothing special and no magic apple dust that makes them magical devices.

Don't be so nasty. You've obviously never had to help an elderly person with differing tech, it's a bloody nightmare

Hugasauras · 30/05/2023 21:56

Return it. My gran is 90 and has just about got the hang of her iPhone/iPad. She wouldn't be able to handle the change. It's not about one being superior to the other, it's just what she's used to. It takes a lot for people who didn't grow up with tech to get comfortable with using it, and completely changing it for no good reason is pointless and stressful for your mum.

Hugasauras · 30/05/2023 21:58

And @chupachucks I'll gladly let you sit down with my 90-year-old gran for an hour and attempt to teach her how to use an android device when it has taken her about five years to be comfortable using her iPhone!

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 21:59

Thetowelsareallwrong · 30/05/2023 21:55

Don't be so nasty. You've obviously never had to help an elderly person with differing tech, it's a bloody nightmare

Show quote history

Absolutely. My dad gets all snippy and cross because he thinks I am patronising him and my mum thinks she knows way more than she does and then has a non-functioning device until she admits it’s not quite working. Love ‘em both but it’s an exercise in patience, kindness and biting tongueness.

bananafishbones1 · 30/05/2023 22:02

If she's used to using apple it's too hard to expect her to change now, it's not a matter of which phone is better just she already will know the basics.

I taught an elderly uncle to use an iPhone (from scratch) with a lot of patience but it really helps to have the phone yourself to be able to refer to it, to trouble shoot.

BungleandGeorge · 30/05/2023 22:02

What the advantage to your mum of changing? Sounds like she was happy with iPhone and it’s much easier to have one iCloud if she has an iPad, much easier to set up a new iPhone. The whole point of a gift is getting something that the other person wants. People have strong feelings about brands but really the choice should be your mums. What a waste to be sat in a drawer! I’d bypass your siblings, ask what mum wants and try and return the Samsung if necessary

SkankingWombat · 30/05/2023 23:03

Your poor mum! I went from a Samsung to an Oppo 3 months ago, and have found that enough of a frustration to adjust to: still Android, but everything is in the wrong place. Even the special characters on the keyboard are in different places and still now every 3rd word has a typo because the key presses don't seem to line up with where my fingers touch. It's getting better, but still feels very alien TBH. I can imagine the switch between Apple and Android must be horrific (based also on the text message DH once asked me to send on his work phone for him when he was driving - I was ready to wind down the window and chuck it out!).
The best thing would just be to swap it now, but if you are worried about a big fallout, tell your siblings this weekend is the last go for them to sort it. If it isn't done, whoever made the purchase can refund it or you will be trading it in with CEX even if that means losing money on it.
I know you said your DM wouldn't want to seem rude and complain, but would she feel able to be honest if you opened the conversation asking how she feels about it, because you know you would never cope if made to switch? So you're the one to say it, and she's only got to agree with you.

BonjourCrisette · 30/05/2023 23:05

Re WhatsApp, I think I know what you should do. My husband switched from iPhone to a Pixel and I helped him (he is not techy or even vaguely competent at all).

Uninstall WhatsApp from your mum's new phone.

Get your mum's old phone out and look in the settings to find Backup. On Android, this is Settings>Chats>Chat Backup. Somewhere there will be an option to backup to online storage. You need to select that she should back everything up to Google Drive. She (you) can sign up for a free Gmail account if she doesn't already have one, and she should use this email to set up her new phone from scratch if it's associated with a different account (you can add new email addresses in the email app should she want to use a different one, and also set Gmail to auto-forward to the other address if necessary).

Then install WhatsApp on the new phone and restore her messages from the Google Drive backup from the settings menu as above. Might need to install Google Drive on the phone but this should take no time at all to download and sign in.

However, even though I really like Android and would never go back to an iPhone, I think your siblings were a bit silly and if it's easy/possible you should just get her a phone she actually likes, knows how to work and will use and return the Samsung. I would never buy Samsung anyway. Google Pixel is the way to go if she wants to persevere with Android, though at her presumably fairly advanced age I don't see why she should!

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 23:06

Also - know it might be a bit of a controversial question - but could someone ask your mum her preference and then act accordingly? It’s her gift after all.

BonjourCrisette · 30/05/2023 23:06

The backup might take a while, by the way - make sure it's completely done before trying to restore.

UndercoverCop · 30/05/2023 23:11

I really like Android and don't get on with Samsungs too much overlay/Samsung system skin. Pixels are the purest android and very easy to use, also fantastic cameras.
I hate the IPhone I have for work, it's just not intuitive.
Having said that your mum knew how to use apple she should've been given what she is comfortable with. Return it, get an IPhone.

Bodenesque · 31/05/2023 00:18

chupachucks · 30/05/2023 21:26

Not exactly hard to learn how to use an android phone. Your over reacting and it sounds like your just pissed off because they did not by an apple phone.

So my hyperbole. Might good for you to sit down and actually have a play around with it and do something useful if it's sat in her draw, take it and learn how to use it, it will only take you a couple of hours.

You never know you might get over the fixation on Apple products, after all there is nothing special and no magic apple dust that makes them magical devices.

Android phones are really intuitive so I agree that it shouldn't be such a big deal.Our local library provides sessions for older people to help them learn how to use their smartphones so that may be something you could look into.

RoomOfRequirement · 31/05/2023 00:25

Samsungs are better phones and more user friendly - unless you are an 80 year old who is already used to Apple! What a crazy choice.

Original poster
Smangsung · 31/05/2023 00:31

BonjourCrisette · 30/05/2023 23:05

Re WhatsApp, I think I know what you should do. My husband switched from iPhone to a Pixel and I helped him (he is not techy or even vaguely competent at all).

Uninstall WhatsApp from your mum's new phone.

Get your mum's old phone out and look in the settings to find Backup. On Android, this is Settings>Chats>Chat Backup. Somewhere there will be an option to backup to online storage. You need to select that she should back everything up to Google Drive. She (you) can sign up for a free Gmail account if she doesn't already have one, and she should use this email to set up her new phone from scratch if it's associated with a different account (you can add new email addresses in the email app should she want to use a different one, and also set Gmail to auto-forward to the other address if necessary).

Then install WhatsApp on the new phone and restore her messages from the Google Drive backup from the settings menu as above. Might need to install Google Drive on the phone but this should take no time at all to download and sign in.

However, even though I really like Android and would never go back to an iPhone, I think your siblings were a bit silly and if it's easy/possible you should just get her a phone she actually likes, knows how to work and will use and return the Samsung. I would never buy Samsung anyway. Google Pixel is the way to go if she wants to persevere with Android, though at her presumably fairly advanced age I don't see why she should!

Thank you ver much! I will forward on. It does sound pretty complicated, not least because she has one email address - an iCloud account!

I have no idea why my siblings were so insistent but they say they can sort it so I'm going to leave them to it. I will tell my mum that she can say if she hates it and we'll swap it though.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 31/05/2023 02:38

I'm a lifelong android user and love them. But this is too complicated and too much stress.

It's incredibly seamless to set up a new phone on the same infrastructure as old one these days. Literally turn it on, it does everything for you and done. Yes there are ways to get around it but why? It's not like you can't get an iPhone. It's going to be stressful and you'll just come up against issues again later when she can't do things that she wants to do.

There is no point messing around trying to swap to android. Yes they are cheaper but it's really not worth the hassle. She already knows how to use an iPhone and has an iPad. I'd return it or swap it somehow. It makes so so so much more sense to keep her on what she's on. The chargers for a start! But also silly little things like the layout of apps. It took us weeks to get MIL confident using calling apps and we had to swap from WhatsApp when they changed their way of answering a voice call to be a swipe which she couldn't manage.

Prioritise ease of use and familiarity in this case.