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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Only capitalists get jobs...

42 replies

DontBeBitterGlitter2023 · 30/05/2023 19:33

Me: 37, PhD educated, high powered public sector job with good salary, diagnosed with ASD at 35, single and no kids, living in the cheapest part of the country so I do have a very nice life... via working for it of course

Family member: 19, serial college dropout, worked a Saturday job for 3 months, no employment since, gets PIP for ASD but no obvious difficulties in socialising etc, lives at home with parent paying for everything

Other family visiting this week so will be quite a few gatherings/plans altogether. 19 year old decides to tell rest of family vocally that she never intends to work because *only capitalists get jobs
*
AIBU/WIBU to be losing my shit if this topic is brought up around me after paying £1200 in tax alone last month... aka this capitalist is literally paying for her life?! I guess I was going to ask for advice on how to handle this but I think there's only one way it will end...

Already blocked said family member and their brother on all social media due to constant posting of nights out, concerts, etc but claiming extreme social anxiety still

OP posts:
Sissynova · 30/05/2023 19:35

AIBU/WIBU to be losing my shit if this topic is brought up around me after paying £1200 in tax alone last month

Yes.
You’re a 37 year old woman, they are 19, grow up.

Yazo · 30/05/2023 19:37

You're twice their age. Respectfully I think you should grow up. They sound very annoying but you sound like you have your s* together. Why do you have to be around this person on a regular basis? They're 19, have had a horrendous few years with covid and all the rest. Yes silly opinions but there's no real reason you have to pay for them. Don't we all do and say stupid things at 19? Also hard to be a serial college drop out by 19 although I get your point.

Brocolibee · 30/05/2023 19:38

Well there's 2 elements here, you shouldn't be judging them getting PIP, it's hard to be awarded it and frankly not your business to judge.

Secondly though yes the statement is ridiculous, some do think this though, seemingly ignorant to the fact there are plenty of jobs that add social value to society if they're so inclined.

BleakMostly · 30/05/2023 19:40

She's 19, with a disability severe enough to receive PIP - not easy to get. Draw upon your resources and hold yourself together. She doesn't deserve a tirade from you.

LolaSmiles · 30/05/2023 19:41

They a 19 year old with less maturity than most 19 year olds, and a sense of entitlement that is going to rub a lot of people up the wrong way.

I wouldn't lose my shit with her, but would probably take the famous Mumsnet "that's nice dear" approach.

underneaththeash · 30/05/2023 19:41

You just tell them that generally the people who devote time to education and work had are the people who get jobs - you can refer to my DH who went to a shit school in a mining village, with an abusive father, living in a council flat - worked hard, went to a good uni and ended up as a successful fund manager.

Pandering does no one any favours at all.

Mamette · 30/05/2023 19:43

I’m pretty sure we all said stupid things at 19.

Whadda · 30/05/2023 19:45

As someone who pays well over £5k a month in tax, I’m very qualified to tell you that you’re being ridiculous, and pretty nasty to a disabled teenager.

defi · 30/05/2023 19:48

Yea she's got a pretty shitty entitled attitude. Many of us would love to not work and leave it to the capitalists but you know bills and all

DojaPhat · 30/05/2023 19:49

If we were all judged by some of the things we said and did at 19 I'm not sure any of us would come out shining. You seem to hold a lot of ire for her words which to be frank sound like half baked soundbites she heard from a series of dodgy political ideology youtube videos. She is not your equal, if by your own admission you've achieved all you have you'd know better than to lose it, you'd just nod and smile safely in the know that you've created your own safety net, yet family member is ignorantly living in the here/now, and will eventually face a rather rude awakening to the realities of what life really entails.

Kazzyhoward · 30/05/2023 19:50

YABU - she'll grow up eventually - clearly just late to maturity. It's the kind of crap lots of teenagers say but most grow out of it earlier.

takealettermsjones · 30/05/2023 19:50

She sounds annoying, but a lot of 19 year olds are annoying.

You're 37 years old. There's little worse than the whole "I pay your housing/welfare/education!" etc schtick towards those in receipt of benefits. If she needs PIP, she needs it.

Incidentally, when you're drawing your old age pension, someone will be paying tax for that to happen. It's the way society works.

Catchasingmewithspiders · 30/05/2023 19:51

Loads of people think daft things at 19 that they laugh at themselves for when they are older.

It sounds like your real issue is that you don't believe she is disabled and therefore eligible for PIP even though it's hard to claim and medical professionals agree with her

3BSHKATS · 30/05/2023 19:51

I’ve got teenagers they talk absolute shit most of the time you have to just nodded and smile ago. That’s nice dear.

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/05/2023 19:54

She’s an emotionally immature and unworldly kid. She’ll work out how life works over the next few years. In the meantime you just remember that you were probably also a bit daft at her age, and provide constructive views or support as and when capitalism dawns on her.

Years ago, my brother and his then-girlfriend of a similar age visited me in the London flat I’d just bought; I later overheard her saying to my brother that couldn’t understand why anybody would choose to live where my flat was, when she moved to London she’d be buying in Chelsea. Reader, she does not and has never, lived in Chelsea.

Original poster
DontBeBitterGlitter2023 · 30/05/2023 19:59

@underneaththeash your comment really resonated with me as it's similar to where I came from, first in my immediate family to go to uni, father died due to alcoholism when I was a child, mother fairly absent during my teenage years. Severe mental health issues all of my life due to those parenting issues and bullying throughout school due to my ASD which obviously nobody realised was the problem. I was never given the option not to participate in society though

OP posts:
Original poster
DontBeBitterGlitter2023 · 30/05/2023 20:05

And I'll probably get tons of hate for this but no I don't think she should be entitled to PIP. She has zero problems doing anything else that a 'normal' teenager would do, except is apparently too anxious to get a job (not too anxious to go partying, go to gigs, etc tho). She even gets the higher rate for mobility yet has never had any difficulties getting around in her life. From what I can gather her DLA claim as an under 16 was switched to PIP without any further assessment. We are a very close family so it's not like shes different behind closed doors

OP posts:
ToK1 · 30/05/2023 20:05

Seems a fairly common opinion

People who want to stick it to the man, won't be a wage slave etc etc

Happy to take the money to live from the wage slaves though

Pinkbonbon · 30/05/2023 20:15

Tbf, I've managed just fine the last 18 months without working. Just with a couple of lodgers and a few side hustles. But then I've no dependents to worry about.

I'd never work full time again if I can avoid it.
I think a lot of people work hard, not smart. If only I was brighter, I'd figure out how to make much more dosh and never work again lol.

I'm not remotely ambitious and prefer free time to nice things. Some people want something different. Or have families and then realise they have to work their asses off as kids are bloody expensive.

So whilst I don't agree with your niece, I do appreciate people who deviate from the narrative that we should all aspire to work. Personally I aspire to work as little as possible. As rab c nesbitt says, 'I will skive, skive and skive again!'

My pension looks distinctly patchy though (though I do pay in from time to time) which may be a problem xD but I'll cross that bridge when and if I come to it. Or you 'capitalists' will :p

But fuck this whole live to work 9 to five bs. Find any way out you can I say. I never minded funding it when I did work. I won't in future either. There's much worse things tax money could go to. I'd rather the money went to people having a good time than to the tory fat cats in government. Would be better if she could devise her own source of income tbf but...maybe she'll figure something out. Or, she'll fold like most of us do in time. Hey-ho.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 30/05/2023 20:17

Let me guess she’s still living at home with no real expenses?

If you’re up for it just ask her to expand on her oh so worldly thoughts. Then casually mention that you’ll check in with her after all her friends graduate or have 4+ years of work experience under their belt and start pulling away from her. In both earnings, responsibility, and opportunities.

But from what I know of the PIP assessments, is that at some point hers will come under review and that may be when things change for her.

Otherwise just tell her ‘shhh the grownups are talking’ and ignore.

MHandwork · 30/05/2023 20:18

@DontBeBitterGlitter2023 It’s great that you have been able to overcome a difficult start to life and you worked really hard to do so. However it doesn’t mean that everyone can or can at the rate that you did.

Your family member has significant disability to get a PIP award. There might be other illnesses you don’t know about. The going out may be part of therapy or health support.

I have a rubbish work history with a lot of parental support. It’s embarrassing and painful when people ask what work you do and you haven’t held a job in my case due to depression. I can imagine coming up with something, in this case capitalism (and partly believing it) to hide from the reality of feeling shit about myself and like a scrounger (I still do now need support even when working.)

Original poster
DontBeBitterGlitter2023 · 30/05/2023 20:22

@saltinesandcoffeecups correct. We've told her mum she should have been asking for at least something towards food and bills for a long time now but she's too scared of her to do so (she refuses to speak to her for days if things don't go her way). Her mum has had to sell their family home to release equity and is now renting just to support her and her brother after nearly losing the house because she couldn't pay her mortgage

@MHandwork we're a very very close family, there are no other conditions going on. She proudly tells people that she never intends to work, it's not a cover for feeling bad that she can't hold down a job

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 30/05/2023 20:26

YANBU to feel that way, but either just smile and nod or ignore.

SIL said “I’ve paid for it” regarding FIL’s operation in the NHS. Apparently no one else paying tax has contributed to FIL’s medical cost 🤦‍♀️

EdinburghHeaven · 30/05/2023 20:28

I was shocked by my last tax bill but then thought of all the things I benefit from in this country. Who knows where my money is going? I like to think it’s helping elderly neighbours, but the point is I don’t know. It could be paying for bombs.

People who attack others because they think they’re paying for them with their tax never come across very well to me. We all pay tax, even if it’s just VAT.

A 19 year old is a child. They may be scared of the future. You may have no idea what it is like to be them.

Original poster
DontBeBitterGlitter2023 · 30/05/2023 20:29

A 19 year old is an adult. Not a child.

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