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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Only capitalists get jobs...

42 replies

DontBeBitterGlitter2023 · 30/05/2023 19:33

Me: 37, PhD educated, high powered public sector job with good salary, diagnosed with ASD at 35, single and no kids, living in the cheapest part of the country so I do have a very nice life... via working for it of course

Family member: 19, serial college dropout, worked a Saturday job for 3 months, no employment since, gets PIP for ASD but no obvious difficulties in socialising etc, lives at home with parent paying for everything

Other family visiting this week so will be quite a few gatherings/plans altogether. 19 year old decides to tell rest of family vocally that she never intends to work because *only capitalists get jobs
*
AIBU/WIBU to be losing my shit if this topic is brought up around me after paying £1200 in tax alone last month... aka this capitalist is literally paying for her life?! I guess I was going to ask for advice on how to handle this but I think there's only one way it will end...

Already blocked said family member and their brother on all social media due to constant posting of nights out, concerts, etc but claiming extreme social anxiety still

OP posts:

PonyPatter44 · 30/05/2023 20:32

I'd just laugh at her, and wind her up a bit. Obviously she's 19 and a bit dim, so no need to be vicious, but certainly a reasonable level of piss-taking would be completely reasonable.

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/05/2023 20:36

OP, she’s a teenager who lives at home with her mum. She’s no life experience. She’s unlikely to want to live at home forever. When she does decide she wants to move out, she’ll realise that she needs money and then realise soon after that that benefits for a young single person, even with PIP on top, don’t go very far. She probably doesn’t have very many friends with “real” jobs right now as many will be students; but over the next couple of years she’ll watch her friends get jobs, listen to them talk about work, have them question why she isn’t working, have them laugh at her for saying she’s never going to work, and watch them moving on with their lives and getting their own places to live and their freedom. Her peers will be the medicine and the motivation.

ladykale · 30/05/2023 20:36

DontBeBitterGlitter2023 · 30/05/2023 20:05

And I'll probably get tons of hate for this but no I don't think she should be entitled to PIP. She has zero problems doing anything else that a 'normal' teenager would do, except is apparently too anxious to get a job (not too anxious to go partying, go to gigs, etc tho). She even gets the higher rate for mobility yet has never had any difficulties getting around in her life. From what I can gather her DLA claim as an under 16 was switched to PIP without any further assessment. We are a very close family so it's not like shes different behind closed doors

I agree!

Ridiculous attitude that anyone qualifying for PIP deserves it. The issue with things like anxiety is they have to go by what the patient tells them when diagnosing them. Convenient that she isn't too anxious to go clubbing!

eurochick · 30/05/2023 20:36

Everyone hearing her will be eye rolling. Just ignore.

BeyondMyWits · 30/05/2023 20:40

Has anyone explained politics, finance and ideology to her?

It is a fundamentally socialist principle that we all muck in and contribute what we can, when we can, for the betterment and advancement of society as a whole, and providing support for those who need it.

It is not "capitalist" to be able to pay taxes through employment.

Elvira2000 · 30/05/2023 20:40

This would really piss me off. I don't think "only being 19" is a reason to ignore such a ridiculous statment. People learn when they are challenged or things are explained to them. It sounds really patronising, but this girl and her brother need to be told how the world and money work.

Yes I did spout some cringe-worthy nonense when i was younger. I also remember when others set me straight and helped me think more critically.

I have a member of the family who is mid-thirties with a child, who is doing still expecting her parents to pay for her. It is awful to watch. (I must admit i was spineless when she opined that it was "bullshit" because she was expected to apply for jobs while getting unemployment benefit.)

TheHoover · 30/05/2023 20:42

It’s no different from dealing with batty old family members who are full of shit.

Bite your tongue. Change the topic.

havewemetbefore · 02/06/2023 21:34

Yes you’re being unreasonable. Sounds like you just want an excuse to brag.

edwinbear · 02/06/2023 21:50

You’re not ‘literally’ paying for her life. We all pay tax into the pot, I pay over double the amount of tax you do OP but don’t look down my nose at people who don’t pay tax for whatever reason.

HeadNorth · 02/06/2023 21:54

Honestly, I was an utter tit at 19 and I can well imagine myself saying something equally tittish. Roll forward the years and I am a hard working taxpayer. Give her time.

HowNowBrownElephant · 02/06/2023 22:14

I’m not sure why it bothers you. They’ve made a life choice, it’s a pretty stupid one, and will probably change. Hey ho.

havewemetbefore · 02/06/2023 22:27

OP is clearly bothered because they think they’re better than their relative. Sadly, it says more about the OP than the relative.

edwinbear · 02/06/2023 22:31

Perhaps someone needs to point out to OP that her £1,200 pm tax probably just about covers the cost of her public sector pension. So she’s not actually contributing to her relatives lifestyle at all. Hopefully that will make her feel a bit better.

mauveiscurious · 02/06/2023 23:00

Teens I love their world view

brunettemic · 02/06/2023 23:24

By your logic if you’re paying for their life, as you work in the public sector are we paying for your life? Tongue in cheek but you’re being ridiculous so it’s deserved.

SnugAsA · 02/06/2023 23:28

Judge away, and I won't blame you, but there's nothing to be gained by speaking to her on the topic. She's ignorant, but what could you possibly achieve by confronting her. I'd quietly roll my eyes and ignore, on the rare (?) occasions that you have to see her.

QuietAmbiant · 03/06/2023 00:37

ladykale

It's perfectly possible to suffer debilitating anxiety and still be able to go clubbing. Particularly in the context of ASD. It's to do with being able to predict, control, or escape from the environment, which you can't do in the same way in employment. Also going clubbing on an occasional night doesn't mean she could do it day in, day out, like a job.
Before I was diagnosed with ASD in my 30s, I travelled across various countries alone and wondered why my mental health problems would clear up almost immediately. Now I know it's because I was totally self-directed for that time. The demands were low, in that sense.
I can see it looks like a pisstake, and of course some cases will be, but these myths and misunderstandings about autism are really damaging.

OP You say I was never given the option not to participate in society.

You're the same age as me. Perhaps I am wrong in assuming you'd have been entitled to the same state benefits that I was when younger? If you were, then you had the same option to "not participate" if your mental health was too bad.

On the one hand I can empathise with your frustration (and it was a stupid thing for her to say!) and thinking if I can do it, why can't she? Because I also left home young and went to make my own way in the world despite difficulties. However for me, it turned out I couldn't hold down a job for long, no matter how hard I tried, until very recently, and had to resort to benefits. So I can see both sides.

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