Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to buy mil a birthday present?

39 replies

HadEnough2023 · 30/05/2023 10:27

AIBU not to buy mil a birthday present?

She moaned on Mother's Day that she didn't get a gift off us and said it was cruel, she didn't get a gift because I was in hospital over the week of Mother's Day with ds who nearly died.
When we did get round to getting her a box of chocolates she moaned and said that nobody ever buys her a good present.

I brought her a few presents for Christmas and she came round wearing one a while later saying SIL brought it for her which I found quite rude she couldn't even be bothered to remember who brought it for her.

It's her birthday today AIBU not to buy her anything and just let DH deal with it who will no doubt end up buying her another box of chocolates? Grin

OP posts:
GiveupHQ · 30/05/2023 10:29

she didn't get a gift because I was in hospital over the week of Mother's Day with ds who nearly died.

what I can’t fathom is why you have anything to do with her let alone navel gazing about buying her a present

SBHon · 30/05/2023 10:29

Take a massive step back. It’s your DH who should be sorting all this, not you.

GiveupHQ · 30/05/2023 10:30

Your DH sounds a complete limp lettuce

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 30/05/2023 10:34

Why can't her son get her a present?

Justhereforthechristmasthreads · 30/05/2023 10:34

You are both unreasonable

You are unreasonable (along with DH) for not thinking about her birthday before the actual day.

She is unreasonable for being ungrateful

Original poster
HadEnough2023 · 30/05/2023 10:36

Justhereforthechristmasthreads · 30/05/2023 10:34

You are both unreasonable

You are unreasonable (along with DH) for not thinking about her birthday before the actual day.

She is unreasonable for being ungrateful

I do usually, but my son who was in hospital has been extremely unwell again so my focus has been on my child. How terrible of me I guess. Hmm

OP posts:
GiveupHQ · 30/05/2023 10:37

Justhereforthechristmasthreads · 30/05/2023 10:34

You are both unreasonable

You are unreasonable (along with DH) for not thinking about her birthday before the actual day.

She is unreasonable for being ungrateful

You did read that she whinged about no Mother’s Day present whilst her grandchild was in hospital?

not someone I’m going to think about buying a present for

Original poster
HadEnough2023 · 30/05/2023 10:38

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 30/05/2023 10:34

Why can't her son get her a present?

He does pay for it but im usually the one who pushes him to find something for her and chooses something. This year I haven't done that and so far he's got her nothing.

She's also sold presents we've got her in the past saying she doesn't want them and would rather have the money.

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 30/05/2023 10:39

You're not wrong. I would get her nothing. I'd consider telling her why too, when she kicked off over it.

Leave the whole thing to DH. I'm not sure why it is your job to buy presents for his mother anyway.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 30/05/2023 10:39

@HadEnough2023 well she's not your mum so you don't have to get anything. If she's ungrateful anyway, fuck it.

GiveupHQ · 30/05/2023 10:40

Op I read your other thread about how your mother is abusive and has ruined your husband’s mental health

why on earth do you remain in a relationship with this woman?

GiveupHQ · 30/05/2023 10:40

Mother in law

Insideallday · 30/05/2023 10:40

She sounds like a child.

Tell your DH he is to take care of it from now on.

Mydusa · 30/05/2023 10:41

Have an explicit conversation that leaves your husband in no doubt that it is his job now. Don't "just leave it" until he caves. He won't get the message.

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 30/05/2023 10:44

Get her a voucher..
For bloody Tesco. Ungrateful bag...

shiningstar2 · 30/05/2023 10:44

Give her a gift voucher for a modest sum you can afford for somewhere generic like m and s. If she can't find anything at all she wants in clothes, shoes, household ext she can use it for food or wine.

Topseyt123 · 30/05/2023 10:45

OK, so it seems MIL was an abuser to your DH when he was growing up. So is it any wonder that he doesn't get her presents?

Why then, have you been getting her presents? Why not follow DH's lead here regarding his shit mother and get her nothing?

LaDamaDeElche · 30/05/2023 10:45

She moaned on Mother's Day that she didn't get a gift off us She's not your mother, so why is she moaning at both of you about that? Weird. If she gets you/your children birthday/Xmas presents, then that's different. I get my MIL gifts on those days and she gets me gifts too. I get my mother a gift on Mother's Day and that's it. If I didn't get my mother a card and she moaned, it would be at me, not DP, as she's well aware that it's not his responsibility to get her anything.

Wishawisha · 30/05/2023 10:47

Of course not. It should always have been your DH’s job.

Why on earth would you get your husband’s mother something for Mother’s Day?

I don’t get involved in birthday or Christmas presents for the ILs because DH is their son and it’s him that should be doing it. I suppose if he died I’d take over doing it from me / the DC, but that’s really the only hypothetical situation I can imagine where it would become my job.

phoenixrosehere · 30/05/2023 10:51

Justhereforthechristmasthreads · 30/05/2023 10:34

You are both unreasonable

You are unreasonable (along with DH) for not thinking about her birthday before the actual day.

She is unreasonable for being ungrateful

Her DH should be perfectly capable of buying a gift for his mother without needing OP’s input and considering MIL’s behaviour, why should OP put any effort in getting the woman anything?

Original poster
HadEnough2023 · 30/05/2023 10:58

Topseyt123 · 30/05/2023 10:45

OK, so it seems MIL was an abuser to your DH when he was growing up. So is it any wonder that he doesn't get her presents?

Why then, have you been getting her presents? Why not follow DH's lead here regarding his shit mother and get her nothing?

That's what I'm doing now, putting my foot down. He's always wanted to get her presents in the past just didn't have a clue what to get her as she always wants money and not handing over money as a present to someone who isn't a child.
I'm not stressing but I just know there'll be complaints later which my brain can't take today as I've been up 3 nights on the trot with ds being poorly. Might just tell him to drop off whatever he gets her to her house instead save myself the headache today. Grin

OP posts:
Sourdoughhunter · 30/05/2023 10:58

Let DH do it. It will still irritate you as he will no doubt leave it until the last minute and get something rubbish but it will also irritate you to put effort and thought into it for her not to like whatever gift you get so just let him do it.

I would text MIL to say that you and DH have decided that he will be doing the present shopping from now on for his side so if there is anything she would like for her birthday to text him. Try not to think about it after that.

GiveupHQ · 30/05/2023 11:06

Op you haven’t addressed why you even have a relationship with this woman given your other thread

I wouldn’t want her within a five mile radius of my child

Mydusa · 30/05/2023 11:46

The upside of giving her the money would be zero effort or thought needed. Which might fit the circumstances here quite well.

Anyway it's not your problem. Tell your husband he's on it from now on and genuinely step back from it.

Sugargliderwombat · 30/05/2023 11:50

This is not your problem. Step back, tell your husband it's his job from now on.