For not getting up?

[whitebedsheets]

My husband gets up around 7:30 every day. I am usually up about 7 with the kids. We have a 4 month old that wakes once in the night still too which I have always done. My husband has never done a night feed and he sleeps in every weekend.

He's decided he wants to get up at 6am now and go to work earlier (it's flexi) I said great!

6am and his alarm goes off this morning like a fog horn. Wakes me, him and the baby. Baby is now wide awake and he decides he's not going to get up after all and goes back to sleep. So I'm laying there thinking so he woke us all up and now he's going back to sleep.. after about 2 minutes of the baby fussing in the cot he says "can you get up with her now" I said why.. he said "because she's awake?" I said but she wasn't until your alarm went off.. I wouldn't have minded if he was getting up but I was annoyed that he woke us all and then went back to bed.

I didn't get up with the baby and he went and slept on the sofa!

I got a bottle for the baby and she went back to sleep but AIBU to not have got up with her? I'm always tired as it is from being up in the night although I know once isn't bad but still!

Is there any reason why he couldn't see to her, given that he woke her up and apparently he'd decided not to go to work early after all?

He needs to do night feeds. Him being moody worked , he's got away with it.
Also one lie in each at the weekend.

When I was off with the baby and used to do the night feed. Husband used to take the baby until he left for work at 8ish so I could get that little bit extra. We also have one lie in each over the weekend. Tell him to stop being such a prick and pull his weight. He made the babies now he can help take care of them.

This is an act to make you do it. Tell him he needs to get used to it and crack on cuz that's what you do. Don't know why you would put up with this bollocks

It is abuse

What an absolutely selfish cunt. How do men like this, so lacking in decency and self-awareness, come to be so shit?

Cool calm and collected op. You are a granite pillar. ‘I’d rather you sleep on the sofa too but I’ll bring baby down to you for my Saturday lie in.’

We used to take a day at the weekend each. But if he woke the baby then decides to go back to sleep he's being a prick. Let him bit talk to u. He can also fend for himself

Not talk to you I meant

Oh and if one of us was going out or something we'd change the day round. You both had a baby

What a selfish cunt.

You and he should have equal lie-ins at the weekend. If he's getting up early, he should be creeping around.

If he wakes the baby, he sorts her.

What a dick.

I've just read your updates. He sounds worse with each one. He has conditioned you into putting him first and yourself last. The silent treatment is abusive. Shutting you down is abusive.

You definitely need to leave him. You might find the Freedom Programme helpful.

Not talking to you after HE woke everyone up early for no good reason (since he's too immature to just get up and go to work as planned)? He sounds like a jerk.

I'm angry with him on your behalf.

I rarely post but just wanted to say it is really so depressing how many of this type of thread you see on AIBU. It starts out with a single scenario where the OP is not being unreasonable and then over the next few posts more and more detail comes out where a partner has behaved unreasonably for months or years but the OP is just so used to it they don't even realise how bad things have got - boiling frog syndrome.

It make me sad that so many people are just so used to just putting up with poor relationships for an easy life. Please everyone, recognise your self worth and stick up for yourselves in the face of unreasonable behaviour before it becomes a habit that's too hard to break!

Sounds exactly like my husband. Since having my last baby, he still sets his alarm really early for work though doesn’t get up , but it wakes me snd the baby up, yet he then sleeps in till about 10 minutes before he needs to be work leaves a big mess as he storms out the house. Really annoyed on bank holiday Monday he hadn’t turned the alarm so I was up at 6.30 then he just went back to sleep. I get pissed off he doesn’t seem to care. It’s the whole I have to get up for work thing, but the baby would naturally get up about 7.30 and it makes a big difference when your getting up in the night

I would be absolutely fuming at this!

Trying so hard not to judge OH here as only a snippet from your life. (Eye roll) But YANBU OP it's unreasonable to not split the limited lie ins fairly and annoying to wake the house up to them not go to work. You did right.

YANBU X

‘You wake, you take’ = non negotiable rule.

when I realised my husband didn’t appreciate what was involved in a task that I routinely did in the home I went on strike. Not in a diva strop kind of way. I just said ‘What you said has made me realise you are not aware of what is involved in managing this task from start to finish alone so for a whole month I’d appreciate you taking it on. I won’t be doing it for the whole of March’ I gave a couple of weeks notice to learn and observe. Then I let go.

It was a shit show, but he now appreciates and is generally involved more.

But, at least on weekend night he needs to do nights or give you a lie in.

Definitely not okay! He should have got up with the baby once he’d woken you all up. Glad you didn’t leave the bed though at least.
Start sharing out those sleep ins.

Whilst you’re planning your escape be the best actor ever. Bright and breezy.
Oh good if you’re sleeping on the sofa I’ll have more room in bed.
Whistle or hum cheerfully.
Play music.
Cook food that you like.

And arrange nights out or coffees with friends and if he won’t babysit pay a sitter. He’ll be so embarrassed.

Don’t be compliant, be a warrior not a worrier.

Don't raise your children in this environment. Yet another set of kids growing up thinking the woman is there to run around after everyone, becoming a shell of a person while the man lives his best life. On and on it goes.

You think YOU should take things in the chin @whitebedsheets ? Really? Is your DH taking things in the chin ? No he's not! He's sulking like a toddler! YOU shouldn't be too emotional? Errrrr why? HE'S the one being overly emotional and sulking for days on end. Can you see the double standards here?

And pp's are right, sulking is a form of control, he's punishing you for standing up for yourself, he'll hope that by punishing you, you won't do it again as you don't want him to sulk. So next time he disrupts the family routine you'll simply get up with your dc so he can go back to sleep.

Not unreasonable at all - tomorrow set an alarm at 5 and make sure you and the baby are not sleeping there. I’m fact, set 3 and hide them.

RainbowNinja77 Why revive a 6-month old thread?