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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been intimidated by dangerous driver

35 replies

babypanther · 30/05/2023 04:34

I had a near miss with a dangerous driver yesterday and I can’t stop thinking about it: I was driving with my partner in the front seat with me and our 3 month old baby girl in the back. As we were driving, a blue car tried to pull out into the road in front of us from a side junction, the driver was looking the other way and with absolutely no concern for the oncoming traffic, so I had to slam on my breaks and I hit my horn at him. My partner shouted at him to watch where he was going as we passed.

Next thing the blue car is tailgating us, the driver was flashing his headlights and yelling, and waving at us to pull over. I didn’t and carried on driving, at this point I was already shook up and he was literally almost bumper to bumper with us. I could also see him get his phone out as he was driving and it looked like he was either filming us or taking pictures of the car. I had to take a few turns to get rid of him from following us and eventually he gave up.

I’ve been so shook up from this all night and keep thinking if he had pulled out and hit our car with our baby in it. I‘m also worried about why he seemed to be filming/taking pictures of our car - we weren’t in the wrong as I was driving along a main road, under the speed limit, and it was my right of way. I just feel very shook up and wish I’d got his registration plate so I could have reported it. AIBU to be so shook up and intimidated?

OP posts:
HogwartsDropout · 30/05/2023 05:48

Why did you pass him? I’m trying to work out who was where. I lot sounds like he pulled out in front of you but you then passed him. I wouldn’t have. I would just keep him ahead of me. Less likely to do any harm then.

If your boyfriend was with you, he should have taken the number plate while you were driving, especially as the driver was close enough. I would (and have done this) record myself on my phone reading at the number plate rather than trying to write it down.

gamerchick · 30/05/2023 06:00

Ah man I swear I heard twilight zone music when on the roads yesterday. So many people behaving like dicks. Was glad to get home.

Is it the sun being out maybe. Does strange things to the average person

Hidingawaytoday · 30/05/2023 06:03

@HogwartsDropout I'm assuming the car was turning right - so went to the other side of the road then did a u-turn to get up behind the op and intimidate her.

YANBU OP. Some people are dicks, I live on a main road (30mph limit) and been flashed before because I've slowed up to turn onto my drive... even though I've been indicating.

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 30/05/2023 06:03

He was pulling out and hadn't seen you (on the main road) You honked your horn at him and your partner shouted at him.

That he hadn't seen you when he was going to pull out but didn't is one thing, but your partner being abusive could perhaps explain the other driver's response to the event.

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 30/05/2023 06:05

Hidingawaytoday · 30/05/2023 06:03

@HogwartsDropout I'm assuming the car was turning right - so went to the other side of the road then did a u-turn to get up behind the op and intimidate her.

YANBU OP. Some people are dicks, I live on a main road (30mph limit) and been flashed before because I've slowed up to turn onto my drive... even though I've been indicating.

I read it as OP is on main road, other driver on side road. Other driver didn't pull out because OP honked so OP is in front of him when he pulls out after her.
It's a bit of a non event tbh. Aside from her partner road raging the other driver which probably led to the other driver responding by filming them.

Polari · 30/05/2023 06:06

Yes he was in the wrong but your dp needs to calm down.
Road rage is dangerous too.

Rubyupbeat · 30/05/2023 06:13

Please get cameras installed, things like this are then recorded and any escalation is then proven to the police.
I see what happened, he tried to pull out without looking, as you passed you beeped and you partner shouted at him, he then pulled out and followed you. I know he should have been looking and was a knob, but your partner should not have had a go at him, mainly because these people can be dangerous and be carrying knives etc.... he wasn't just going to have a polite chat with your partner if you had pulled over.

Sirzy · 30/05/2023 06:28

It sounds like a case of when two idiots come together your partners anger triggered his anger.

GoodChat · 30/05/2023 06:29

Yeah there was no need to be shouted at when he'd already stopped.

How fast a road was it that you had to slam your breaks on?

DrMarciaFieldstone · 30/05/2023 06:32

My partner shouted at him to watch where he was going as we passed.

Backseat drivers don’t need to get involved.

Tots678 · 30/05/2023 07:18

Oh, just put it behind you. There are a lot of very aggressive men mostly, ime mostly older ones, who take offence at cars who dare to be on the road they are driving along.
I doubt he would have reacted like that had you been an older man.
Forget it. Be glad you are a good and aware driver.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 30/05/2023 07:31

I think it's six of one, half a dozen of the other to be honest.

He shouldn't have pulled out without looking but equally there was no accident and nobody got hurt, so best to just put it behind you rather than aggravating the situation really.

Pretty much every driver has had a similar near miss - it happens. The worst thing you can do is prolong the situation by getting aggressive and trying to start an argument.

Kiwano · 30/05/2023 07:45

The driver is unlikely to have heard OP's partner, and it doesn't excuse the way he drove thereafter.

euff · 30/05/2023 07:50

You've had a shock and scare but it will fade with time. Before it does I would get a front and rear dash cam. It makes me feel so much better having them.

AmazonAmazine · 30/05/2023 07:53

Sounds scary.

tbh I’ve stopped honking/ flashing/ gesturing on the roads as too many people react badly. I once honked someone who cut across me into my lane forcing me to brake. He went mad, tried to block me and stop me in traffic.

I’ve retrained my hands to only honk, and then briefly, to avert collision. Eg they are about to hit you, a small ‘I’m here’ beep.

It’s not worth it with the angry beeping. The two outcomes are being ignored, or road rage. Accept you drive defensively and consciously just chill out. It’s better than being attacked. I’ve seen weapons pulled before, knives or chains, it’s not worth it.

YouJustDoYou · 30/05/2023 07:57

Men can get extremely ragey in cars, even from the slightest perceived slight or whatever. I had one once slam his breaks on in front of me, coming to a stand still, getting out of his car to punch my window because literally I just shook my head at him and he saw in the rear-view mirror. Rage and punching and calling me a fucking cunt, all because I shook my head. Another got the rages because he was tailgaiting me on a narrow road and I relaised I was edging over the limit which was 50mph on that road, so I started to break as gently as I could as he was so close to me, and that just enraged him. Absolutely enraged him. Got the middle finger, swearing, "fucking cunt" again, swerving to try and force me off the road, flashing his light at me, holding his hand down on the horn, indicating at me to pull over etc.

Doingmybest12 · 30/05/2023 07:59

Of course YANBU to feel intimidated, he was intimidating and meant to be so. Whether you and your husband were also more reactive than you needed to be is another thing and hopefully you'll act proportionately in the future as there are some people about who you can't predict the response of .

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 30/05/2023 07:59

Kiwano · 30/05/2023 07:45

The driver is unlikely to have heard OP's partner, and it doesn't excuse the way he drove thereafter.

I don't think anyone is excusing his behaviour.

But honking at someone and shouting (and if the windows were open, he'd have heard) is never going to diffuse the situation.

Best to just count your lucky stars that nothing happened and move on, I think.

GCWorkNightmare · 30/05/2023 08:02

I was driving along a main road, under the speed limit,

why under the speed limit? How much under?

Original poster
babypanther · 30/05/2023 08:53

@HogwartsDropout @NowZeusHasLainWithLeda So I was on the main road and they were pulling out from a side street on the left, as I approached them they were looking the other way and just started driving out into the middle of the road which is why I hit my horn as he just wasn’t looking. He then did slam on, halfway out into the road. There was no one coming the other way so I was able to pass. I’m not sure if he was planning on going left to follow me but he then did.

@GCWorkNightmare I was probably going about 27/28mph so not much under, but just because the main road is on a bend before a low bridge, and sometimes lorries come round the bend in the centre of the road. My point was I didn’t come speeding towards the blue car without giving him time to see us - he definitely would have seen us had he looked right.

Its definitely made me want to get dashcams installed

OP posts:
GoodChat · 30/05/2023 08:58

If you were going under 30mph and slammed your breaks on there was no need to swerve around him dangerously with a young baby in the cae

gamerchick · 30/05/2023 09:04

Hidingawaytoday · 30/05/2023 06:03

@HogwartsDropout I'm assuming the car was turning right - so went to the other side of the road then did a u-turn to get up behind the op and intimidate her.

YANBU OP. Some people are dicks, I live on a main road (30mph limit) and been flashed before because I've slowed up to turn onto my drive... even though I've been indicating.

Are your bulbs working? I went briefly through a tooting phase which prompted me to check.

AmazonAmazine · 30/05/2023 09:17

GoodChat · 30/05/2023 08:58

If you were going under 30mph and slammed your breaks on there was no need to swerve around him dangerously with a young baby in the cae

God, I started a driving thread the other day and it was like this. People not there can tell you what happened.
Why start such silly disagreements. What do you expect? The speed was low enough she should just slowly hit him and not go round? You believe you’ve done the maths and she would have stopped in time? Like a game of chicken? You are imagining her ‘swerve’ to involve speeding up to 69 then looping the other side of the road in the face of traffic? A fast and furious style manoeuvre?
The OP is simply telling you he was stopped in her path and she went around when she wasn’t planning to. Stop picking apart the wording. It’s not the point is it? What do people get out of this daft ‘I can catch you out’ nonsense? Everyone understands her. You are either on the wind up, or have no imagination/ inference skills.

GoodChat · 30/05/2023 09:21

@AmazonAmazine no, it's just common sense. She said she was driving fairly slowly. If you slam on your breaks at that speed you can come to an almost instant stop, more so if you're concentrating on what you're doing.

He was already halfway into the road and it was on a bend. Driving around him at that point is stupid and dangerous.

AmazonAmazine · 30/05/2023 09:25

GoodChat · 30/05/2023 09:21

@AmazonAmazine no, it's just common sense. She said she was driving fairly slowly. If you slam on your breaks at that speed you can come to an almost instant stop, more so if you're concentrating on what you're doing.

He was already halfway into the road and it was on a bend. Driving around him at that point is stupid and dangerous.

Common sense is far far far away from that post. Common sense is not imagining the bend is blind/ the op recklessly risked the other side when she couldn’t see ahead. Common sense is not making up a scenario. Telling someone off for something you have imagined is just silly. She obviously could see or had space or some reason other than what you have nit picked apart from the posts . It’s not even the point.
So many posters do this