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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What just happened?

29 replies

Hasbritaingottalent2468 · 29/05/2023 22:16

My DP and I had just put DC to bed, we sat down with our dinner and put Britains got talent on the tv as easy watching with dinner. DP has been drinking all afternoon, he is tipsy but seems ok.
AD on BGT has dreadlock extensions in, and DP starts going on about how wrong that its, it’s cultural appropriation, how people spend years growing them surely it’s offensive to clip then in. Now I don’t know enough about it, but said 1. We don’t know Alesha’s heritage. 2. It may not be offensive it’s a style of hair 3. It may be a good role model for young black females that she wears her hair that way.
He continues going on about how it’s inappropriate and he is offended by it, on behalf of his brother who has spent years growing his dreadlocks, she should not just wear clip ons. (Brother is white and not Rasta, if that’s important) by now I’m done with this conversation and just say it’s up to her, what she does doesn’t really affect me. This seems to rile him up and he says oh then what PS did with his runner, doesn’t affect you either then so that’s ok. This is getting ridiculous to me and I say look you can’t compare them, and he carries on saying PS being a rumoured Paedo doesn’t directly affect you, so you can’t get offended by it. Well yes I am affected by it because it is wrong, and it’s worrying. Now after a few drinks he can get like this and go on and on, I can’t win an argument, I’m always wrong. Even if I said the grass was green I’d be wrong, so i don’t want the conversation. I just tell him I don’t want to discuss it, it’s silly. He then turns it round and says it was just a bit of fun, god can’t even have some fun in this relationship anymore. He promptly finished his dinner and said he was going to bed as he didn’t like how I ended the conversation . I’m Sat here flabbergasted! What just happened? AIBU for not wanting to have that conversation?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 29/05/2023 22:19

Your partner is a mean drunk, that's what happened. Does he frequently drink like this? Why was he drinking all afternoon?

WhoWants2Know · 29/05/2023 22:19

He sounds bizarre. His white brother had dreadlocks, so he thinks a black woman wearing extensions is cultural appropriation?

GodspeedJune · 29/05/2023 22:20

Err, I think he needs to look a bit closer to home for cultural appropriation. Is he always a bastard or just when drunk?

CannotBelieveImAskingThis · 29/05/2023 22:20

Her heritage is that her dad is Jamaican. I think she has more rights to wear locks, clip in or otherwise, than your husband's white brother. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Original poster
Hasbritaingottalent2468 · 29/05/2023 22:22

CannotBelieveImAskingThis · 29/05/2023 22:20

Her heritage is that her dad is Jamaican. I think she has more rights to wear locks, clip in or otherwise, than your husband's white brother. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I completely agree, and why shouldn’t she wear them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hasbritaingottalent2468 · 29/05/2023 22:25

GodspeedJune · 29/05/2023 22:20

Err, I think he needs to look a bit closer to home for cultural appropriation. Is he always a bastard or just when drunk?

Only when drunk, and he is a good guy most of the time even then. It’s just when drinking, he can often want to have a debate on something random, which just goes on and on and I can never win, it’s tedious. I hate it and actively avoid any sort of serious conversation when he has had a few.

OP posts:
SmirnoffIceIsNice · 29/05/2023 22:25

That's the beauty of extensions and hair pieces - you don't have to spend years tied to one hairstyle and can swap and change. The irony of him claiming cultural appropriation!

Pixiedust1234 · 29/05/2023 22:26

Its nothing to do with the topics, he just wanted an argument. Drunks don't always need a reason.

How often does he drink all afternoons?

Ponoka7 · 29/05/2023 22:34

CannotBelieveImAskingThis · 29/05/2023 22:20

Her heritage is that her dad is Jamaican. I think she has more rights to wear locks, clip in or otherwise, than your husband's white brother. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Dreads go back to the Germanic and Greek tribes. The Germanic tribes then came to Britain. Every culture and colour have the right to wear them, equally.
OP as said this was a stupid drunken argument. The issue is how drunk he gets.

Original poster
Hasbritaingottalent2468 · 29/05/2023 22:36

Pixiedust1234 · 29/05/2023 22:26

Its nothing to do with the topics, he just wanted an argument. Drunks don't always need a reason.

How often does he drink all afternoons?

I agree, I think he wanted an argument. But I don’t get why? we have had a really nice family weekend. I just wish him drinking wouldn’t lead to this.
For the record, the drinking all afternoon is a weekly occurrence, he was brought up this way. Whereas I barely touch alcohol. But the looking for an argument is probably once every other month.

OP posts:
AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 29/05/2023 22:36

We stopped going out with a couple because the man was like this when drunk. He had a massive go at my DH about sequels vs reboots of film series, of all things. I certainly couldn't live with someone like this.

TeaYarn · 29/05/2023 23:00

He’s been radicalised.

mauricemossmylove · 29/05/2023 23:07

yeah my ex was a belligerent knobhead when drunk too. He'd keep me awake for hours trying to argue about nonsense.

barmycatmum · 29/05/2023 23:09

He wanted to pick an argument at all costs.

I HATE this kind of behavior. My ex was like this. He’d get “bored” when things were good & peaceful, and he’d pick an argument or make trouble.
disgusting behavior.

OnlyFannys · 29/05/2023 23:11

I can't get over a white man being offended by a POC wearing dreadlocks as cultural appropriation 🤦‍♀️ he is a mean drunk but he also sounds a bit dim

ThreeLocusts · 29/05/2023 23:20

OnlyFannys · 29/05/2023 23:11

I can't get over a white man being offended by a POC wearing dreadlocks as cultural appropriation 🤦‍♀️ he is a mean drunk but he also sounds a bit dim

This. Sorry OP, hope he has his good sides.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/05/2023 23:24

For the record, the drinking all afternoon is a weekly occurrence

Why are you allowing your child to grow up in this environment? The damage this will cause will be lifelong.

squidgybits · 29/05/2023 23:25

Tell him when he is sober that he is a mean, argumentative PITA
You must have the patience of a saint, I would be filming him if it happens again to show him what his having a laugh looks like to normal people

freshmint78 · 29/05/2023 23:45

i had an ex that was the same when drunk i HATE drunk men and any man that drinks in the end i kicked him out as the drinking got worse ive been single ever since 6 years on still single love it .

denimdonut · 29/05/2023 23:54

Your username has tickled me op. Have you been drinking too? Your dh is an idiot.

nonheme · 29/05/2023 23:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

barmycatmum · 30/05/2023 00:00

OnlyFannys · 29/05/2023 23:11

I can't get over a white man being offended by a POC wearing dreadlocks as cultural appropriation 🤦‍♀️ he is a mean drunk but he also sounds a bit dim

Same. I think maybe he said the most outrageously idiotic thing he could think of, in order to start a fight.

otherwise, well , I’d dump him even if he werent behaving like an embarrassing, annoying twat, simply for being a complete idiot.

Orders76 · 30/05/2023 00:07

Basically men of all types are getting their feelz hurt and we should all be kind or shut up.

Pixiedust1234 · 30/05/2023 00:29

I agree, I think he wanted an argument. But I don’t get why?
Drunks don't need a reason to argue. Just look at how many fight in pubs on a Friday and Saturday night. Its down to alcohol, thats it.

Does he always drink the same thing? Spirits used to make me giggly but wine used to send me to sleep (embarrassingly used to want to go home for 9pm 😂) . Wondering if a certain drink made him more argumentative (in which case ban it).

P1ckledonionz · 30/05/2023 00:39

I agree, I think he wanted an argument. But I don’t get why?

He likes to assert his dominance over you by winning an argument against you, he doesn't care how he wins it as long as he does, so can resort to any tactic to win or argue something completely ridiculous.

He has an attitude of feeling superior to you and entitled to dominate conversations with you. That is his attitude towards you, and it become obvious about once a month when he argues with you but his attitude towards you is like that 100% of the time.

Some people feel better about themselves when they make someone else smaller than them, and often men are socialised in this way as they do it with each other, and some men also feel the need to do it with the women in their lives.